• Sue posted an update in the group Group logo of GeneralGeneral 13 hours, 6 minutes ago

    Things are rapidly going downhill with my husband’s condition the last 3 weeks. He has almost stopped eating and is more and more confused. We have Hospice helping now and they are wonderful.

    After a very stressful 3 days I found myself experiencing discomfort in my chest and shoulder on the left side. Decided to play it safe and went to the…[Read more]

  • MimbyNYC posted an update in the group Group logo of GeneralGeneral 4 days, 6 hours ago

    It’s Sunday night and I’m looking through the tasks for next week. I categorize them as My Life, Mom/Aunt/Other, Work. I try to only schedule 3 things each day, otherwise I get totally overwhelmed.

    • That is such a great idea! Your list is organized and doable. It gives you structure while also helping you feel productive.

  • Hussy posted an update in the group Group logo of GeneralGeneral 6 days, 11 hours ago

    @lloyd welcome to the site. You are a caregiver to three and still have time to run a b&b/restaurant/farm? You must tell us your time management secrets! I hope you find this site as useful as I do — great group of people who “get it.” I look forward to getting to know you.

    • Hi ee2000 — I am sorry about your mother’s cancer diagnosis. If and when you feel up to it, tell us a little bit more about your mom’s situation. What kind of cancer and what kind of chemo? Is she working or at home? My husband has pancreatic cancer and is unable to work. We’re gearing up for his next course of chemo, Gemzar and Abraxane…[Read more]

      • Thank you. My mom has stage 4 neuroendocrine colon carcinoma. They were able to remove the cancer from her colon, she now just has three spots on her liver.

        She starts chemo soon, don’t know which cocktail or medicines, she gets her port Friday. I do know it’s three days then a month off and another round and so fourth.

        So much has…[Read more]

        • Hussy replied 1 week ago

          I’m glad your mother was a candidate for surgery. My mother died of colon cancer five years ago. She hated going to the doctor and delayed dealing with her symptoms until it was too late. My father was understandably angry, but he faithfully cared for her until the end.
          A “mess” is the operative word around here as well. So much to be done;…[Read more]

          • It helped they had no clue at that time what was wrong with her. They knew she had something blocking her colon from the colonoscopy.

            They basically did the surgery blind, they knew the location of the blockage just not what it was, turned out it was a tumor the size of a tennis ball and it was cancerous.

            To be honest, I am not sure if…[Read more]

  • Lori posted an update in the group Group logo of GeneralGeneral 1 week, 1 day ago

    Thank you for letting me join the group My life has been very stressful lately with the passing of my mother in July and the same day my mother passed my father fell and broke his hip and eventully had hip surgery and before the surgery was done he had pneuomia in both lungs He is now home needing around the clock care so my life has been very stressful

    • Linda — welcome to the site. I can understand the feeling of want to cry all the time. You need time to grieve and yet you have the relentless pressure of caring for your father. Hopefully your father’s recovery will proceed smoothly. But you are right — all you can do is take it one day at a time. I hope you will feel comfortable venting…[Read more]

  • Lori joined the group Group logo of GeneralGeneral 1 week, 1 day ago

  • barb posted an update in the group Group logo of GeneralGeneral 1 week, 2 days ago

    Hello, I am new to this website and was exploring the 6 Stages of Caregiving: Freshman level. One of the suggestions was to keep a couple of logs, one about your journey (emotional) and one which tracks the practical aspects of caregiving. Guess what—it works! I realized that I was holding all these details in my head, and just listing them…[Read more]

  • the Duck posted an update in the group Group logo of GeneralGeneral 2 weeks ago

    I was given the url from a friend at WhatNext and joined just now because…well, I need to do something to try to hold it together., but venting brings such guilt because I’m not the one who is sick and others have it worse than I …*sigh*
    I guess the best way to do this is to just throw it out there. When all this began I was working as one of…[Read more]

    • Jean replied 2 weeks ago

      Wow. I could barely breath reading your story. This is the place to vent and though I understand the guilt and I’ve been there, YOU are going through your own emotional and yes physical crisis… lack of sleep, and stress are physical. And it sounds like you are doing it alone. I’m hoping Denise might have some suggestions for you about finding…[Read more]

    • Hi–I’m so glad you shared with us. We totally understand how important it is to have a place to vent–to be honest about the fears and the struggles. I wanted to let you know that you are not letting anyone down. Your presence is what they need. You are present–that is HUGE. It’s an awful situation–the situation when no good answers are readily…[Read more]

    • Just one more thought: You are experiencing tremendous losses. Even though you may not be sick, you are experiencing really difficult changes. It’s critical to have your own support system. It’s why we’re here. :)

    • We are fortunate to have the only cancer survivors support group in our greater area that includes caregivers, but just the volume of demands on our time have meant we have not been able to engage with them on a regular basis. I know the county aging and disability center offers a caregiver support group, but getting anywhere with them has been…[Read more]

    • Hi fellow WhatNexter. This is a great place to do the “caregiver vent” — everyone here gets it totally. Don’t ever apologize for a “bad showing” — no such thing in the world of caregivers. I hear you on the concept of being way past burned out, not to mention people telling you you’re strong when you want to wring their necks and tell them…[Read more]

    • The Area Agency on Aging can be a bureaucratic nightmare. :( Unfortunately, it’s all we got. My other suggestion would be to start blogging here. It’s convenient because it’s here when you’ve got the moment to write. It’s helpful to write because it’s a release. And, it’s a great way to connect with others who understand. Your welcome note from me…[Read more]

    • So glad you found us! You have found a safe place to fall. We all have our moments and you will find this community to be very welcoming and supportive. You have a lot going on, you don’t have to go it alone. We’re all here for you.

      • Thanks again to everyone who welcomed me so warmly. Weird how it’s so comforting to hear those little words “you’re not alone” when it’s from those who really get you, cuz’ they are going through it too. Thanks you, a really big thank you. I’m thinking of taking up the blogging when I can make some time.

  • the Duck joined the group Group logo of GeneralGeneral 2 weeks ago

  • Rich posted an update in the group Group logo of GeneralGeneral 2 weeks, 1 day ago

    Hi, brand new to this web site and forum. My caregiving situation is, at 60 years old, I provide emotional support and help with various errands for my independent and energetic 88 year old mother. My father is in a nursing home; mom visits 3x a week and I accompany her for a 4th time on Saturdays. My mother tends to be high controlling, not…[Read more]

    • Hi Rich! Oh, boy, do I understand the emotional caregiving. I’m just starting to help my parents and really feel that I help them emotionally more than anything. I live with them so experience how much they overreact to situations. :( It is incredibly draining. I’m still trying to figure out how to manage myself. I’m glad you’re here. It’s always…[Read more]

    • Hi Rich, even though at times the physical part of caregiving can be taxing, I feel like the drain of the emotional is much harder. It has to be so hard to have so much on your shoulders. I have a sister who is very much an “overreacted” to say the least and alienates her caregivers and all staff. It’s hard enough without having extra drama…[Read more]

      • Rich replied 2 weeks ago

        Thanks, Jean, for your encouragement – as we all go through what’s needed to do at this time in our lives.

    • Hi Rich — your situation sounds very similar to the one my father was in — a super high maintenance mother and a father in a nursing home. I really give my father credit for putting up with her. I know one way he coped was to set limits — and if his mother exceeded them, e.g., was verbally abusive, he would calmly say “I’m leaving now (or…[Read more]

      • Rich replied 2 weeks ago

        Thanks, Hussy. My dad didn’t set limits, he got passive aggressive and while still independent but before the nursing home, slept a lot – I suspect his way of coping, though that also could have been aging and depression.

  • Lizette posted an update in the group Group logo of GeneralGeneral 3 weeks, 1 day ago

    Today i’m finding it hard to just get out of the house. I’m suffering from bipolar and manic depression as well as anxiety. So on top of caregiving, i’m off work for a short time to take care of my disorder only i find myself taking more care of my partner because these last months have been the worst for her; but these last few months have been…[Read more]

    • The leaving part is tough. When you love leave, does your partner check in with you every so often to let you know all is okay? The struggle with caregiving is that it lures you inside and you can feel like you have to give up the outside world to keep your caree safe in the inside world. For your own self-preservation, you do have keep yourself…[Read more]

  • Lynne posted an update in the group Group logo of GeneralGeneral 3 weeks, 4 days ago

    Just wrote a new blog post. You (may) never know if what you do makes any difference. I’ve learned that it’s still worth trying, though.

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