The sun rising over the mountains.

Sometimes, you feel like you fall flat on your face.

When you do, you wish you could just lay flat; it just seems easier for life to climb over you so you can hide from it.

You’ve flat-lined.

How do you get up?

You become round, full of life and all you can create, when you get up, dust yourself off and let it go.

You’ll fall. Give yourself another chance, the chance to be whole.

Be like the sun. Rise again. You’ll be great.

More Comforts

• Bright
• Open
• Bake

Resources

• Love our comforts? Then you’ll love our books, Take Comfort and Take Comfort, Too. Buy here.

Kenosha lighthouse at night (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

At first, it feels like a few flickers, like what happens to lights during a terrible storm. It’s a lessening of who you were.

Then, it feels like the lights just go out and you’re no longer who you used to be. Caregiving can dim your bright light before you know it. You feel like you disappear, lost in a sea of misplaced hopes and dreams.

Your light begins to shine again when you connect with a lighthouse–another family caregiver.  A fellow family caregiver understands what it’s like to swim in the sea, seemingly watching your hopes and dreams float away. Another who understands shines his bright beams on you, offering a glow of support and acceptance that soaks into your soul.

The connection you create with another family caregiver is like bright beams from a lighthouse, guiding you home. You can see the shore. You can see that you shine in the rays of your lighthouse

And, just as another shines for you, you shine for others. You become another’s lighthouse when you show them the way to find new hopes and dreams along the shore.

Resources

• Love our comforts? Then you’ll love our books, Take Comfort and Take Comfort, Too. Buy here.
• Would you rather listen than read? Buy Take Comfort, the CD set, here.
• Connect with other family caregivers in our online support groups.

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Sometimes.

At times, the tasks can bring closure. Your caree needs a new doctor so you research, investigate and find the best one.

You mark the file “closed.”

You need more help with personal care so you hire a home health aide from a local agency. You love the aide; your caree likes her.

Your mark the file “closed.”

Until the doctor goes out-of-town or on vacation at just the point when you need your caree’s doctor.

Or until the home health aide leaves the agency.

You re-open the file.

With heavy sighs.

Because it really would feel just sooooo good to permanently write “closed” on one of your caregiving files.

Rather than fret about closing, find peace in openness. When the filing cabinet of caregiving stays open, you’ll find that you have information, resources, ideas, solutions, suggestions and support at your finger tips. And, when you stay open, rather than closed, you become much more aware of the potential and possibilities of caregiving.

Stay open. It’s how the tasks lead you to your caregiving gold–resilience.

Resources

• Love our comforts? Then you’ll love our books, Take Comfort and Take Comfort, Too. Buy here.

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I love blueberry pie. Image via Wikipedia

In your caregiving role, you’ll hear lots of half-baked ideas. Ideas like:

• Since  you’re so stressed, why don’t you just find a nursing home for him?
• Since it’s such a worry for you, why don’t you just divorce him?
• Since it’s such a struggle for you, why don’t you get a job (or quit your job)?

Rather than listening to the suggestions that make you overheat, take some time to bake:

• a cake decorated with all the blessings caregiving gives you;
• a pie which features the fruits of all your labor;
• a bread which helps you knead through the difficulties so you can rise to your best.

In caregiving, you own the bakery. Bake what feels right for you.

Resources

• Love our comforts? Then you’ll love our books, Take Comfort and Take Comfort, Too. Buy here.

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The business is the paperwork, the appointments, the budget. The business is also the drama—the fights, the battles, the clenched fists and crossed arms.

All that business gets in the way of the true purpose of caregiving: To help another live the rest of his or her life in the best way possible. The purpose of caregiving is about trust and compassion. It’s about letting go while letting in. It’s about someone else until it ultimately becomes about you.

The business of caregiving is unavoidable. The purpose of caregiving is ever present. Manage the business of caregiving the best you can, without ever making it more than it truly is (pens, paper and pettiness). Embrace the purpose of caregiving becauseit makes your days easier, especially those days spent on the business of caregiving.

Resources

• Our classes (including Three-Word Journaling, the fan favorite) start next week! Be sure to get your CarePASS, your entry to our classes and your ticket to better days. Learn more here.
• Read The Caregiving Years, Six Stages to a Meaningful Journey; buy the handbook here.

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• Stepping Into the Caregiving Size that Fits (caregiving.com)

It’s irritating, uncomfortable and aggravating.

In the moment, it also seems unsolvable, like it will last forever. Like you will always be walking in your boots in the snow as your toe sticks out of your sock.

Of course, the hole in the sock can be a quick fix. You can sew the sock back together. Or, you can discard the socks and buy another pair.

Oh, if only the hole in your life could be fixed with needle and thread. Or a simple toss into the trash.

Closing your life’s hole does take a steady hand and a watchful eye. Be steady in your approach to solutions and help; don’t give up. And, be watchful of the state of your heart, welcoming support and love while letting go of bitterness and resentment so the hole doesn’t grow.

We can heal the hole in our life during our struggles. And, when we come out of our struggles, we’ll see that our holes heal to form our quilt of life, fastened by our threads of triumph. It will become the warmest quilt we’ll ever own.

Reminder: We’re solving your problems on our live call-in show, which airs tonight (January 24) at 7:30 p.m. ET. Do you have a caregiving worry or concern you can’t resolve? Call us tonight at (646) 652-4944 and we’ll help you find your answer. Listen to our live shows (or download the podcast for later listening) here.

Take Comfort: Our books, Take Comfort and Take Comfort, Too, can fill the hole in your heart. Buy them here.

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It’s making your life hard, your day hard, your heart hard.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if caregiving seemed like the softest mattress possible, always giving such a comfortable landing. Or, that it tasted like the most wonderful soft-serve ice cream, so creamy and delicious you always want more. Or, felt like the softness of a baby’s skin, so beautiful that you can’t help but marvel.

I’m not sure why we have such hard life experiences, like caregiving.

I do know that you bring the softness to the experience that makes us look at you in awe. You are the mattress, the soft-serve ice cream and the marvel. All rolled up into you.

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Perhaps you look down because the weight of caregiving seems too heavy. Or, maybe you look down because it feels like your life is down there—going down the drain, flushing down the toilet. Or, you might be looking down because that seems to be the best way to prevent a fall.

When you can, look up. When you look up, you find fresh air. When you look up, you see the sun which shines and the stars which sparkle. When you look up, you can find your possibilities, your solutions, your future.

When you live in hopelessness, you look down.

When you trust your faith and yourself, you look up.

Look up—that’s where you’ll find your life.

Book Sale: Buy two of our caregiving books and get the second at 50% off. Use this coupon to buy “Good Morning, Sunny Reflections to Start Your Day” and “Take Time, A Journal and Journey Toward Happiness During an Unhappy Time.” Or, use the coupon to buy “Take Comfort” and “Take Comfort, Too.” It’s a great way to get twice the support! Buy here and use coupon code SECONDHALF305. This coupon is good through January 15.

Coming Up: Solitaire Showdown returns Sunday (January 15). High score at the end of our four-hour play-off wins $50. The showdown begins at 1 p.m. ET (Noon CT, 10 a.m. PT) and ends at 5 p.m. ET (4 p.m. CT, 2 p.m. PT). You can start practicing here.

Reminders: Our live call-in show airs tonight at 7:30 p.m. ET (6:30 p.m. CT, 4:30 p.m. PT). Call in and share your answer to our question: How can communities help prevent caregiver burn-out? First call wins!! Listen here.

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And, so it feels sometimes in the struggle to stay positive.

Our cart in life can fill up so quickly with trash—the self-doubt, the worry, the anxiety. Will this work out? Will bad luck become good luck? Will life ever feel normal? Will I have time to live the life I want?

And, then come the bumps, which sound so loud that everyone can see our struggle. We push the cart full of trash that bumps along. We struggle. The world sees.

We can feel positively awful.

And, then, we realize we have a choice. We can put our trash where it belongs—in the trash. We can throw way our self-doubt, our worry and our anxiety.

With an empty cart, we can see we can easily switch out a cart—and use one that glides through life and life’s bumps. We understand the bumps aren’t personal or to be avoided, but to experienced with a trusting spirit, an open mind and a forgiving heart.

We can be positive that our bumps can really make our life.

Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart – Confucius

Updates

1. Congrats to Natalie who a Caregiving.com gym bag for sharing her six-word caregiving blessing.

2. My books are on sale! Save 20% with this coupon code: BURIED305. You purchase my books here, available as an Ebook or in paperback. Sale ends October 28.

3. And, tomorrow, our monthly free webinar takes place. Join us here at Noon ET as we take on blame. We’ll continue the conversation about blame during our Twitter chat on Sunday, October 30, at 8 p.m. ET. Join us on tweetchat.com with the hashtag #carechat.

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Image by Getty Images via @daylife

Our Chicago Marathon took place on Sunday.

On Tuesday night, I had a dream I ran, and finished, a marathon. I ran it in four hours, 50 minutes. I also ran it without having run more than three miles on any previous run.

Today, I wonder: Was that really just a dream? Or, is that what we really do in life? Is it possible to accomplish so much without much training?

Think of what you do every day. Think of what you did every day a few years ago. Today, you run a marathon. A few years ago, you ran just three miles. And, my guess is that you went from three miles to 26 miles overnight.

Every day, you run a marathon. Every day, you cross the finish line. Every day, you deserve a moment to soak in what you do and just feel incredibly good about it.

Every day, you live my dream.

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