@deniseactive 1 minute ago
Forum Replies Created
- May 21, 2015 at 9:34 pm #81776
Oh, MG, what resolve you have. What a heartbreaking day.
I’m so glad you could cry when you got home. I think of caregiving as a heartbreak like no other. It has moments of unbearableness (not sure if that’s really a word but that’s how it can feel).
Thank you so much for letting us know. I hope sleep brings a reprieve.
- May 13, 2015 at 7:27 pm #81448
- May 11, 2015 at 7:23 am #81342
Well… I checked the program’s website and I don’t see any mention that it’s a series. I think it’s one and done.
I taped the show but didn’t get a chance to watch. (It aired in Chicago at 10 p.m., not even during prime time.)
My morning just opened up so I think I’ll watch now.
- May 10, 2015 at 4:45 pm #81281
- May 7, 2015 at 7:14 pm #81204
Hi Elizabeth–Do you or a sibling hold durable POA for your mom? The durable POA for health care and finances will help protect your mom.
Do you help your mom manage her money? It may help to be more involved when she pays her bills.
I think it would be helpful to understand what “temporary” is and what the plan is for him to leave when his time is up. You also could ask what she likes about having him in the house so you better understand the relationship.
Stay involved with regular visits from all of you. Get to know him as well so you also better understand the kind of person he is.
- May 3, 2015 at 7:38 pm #81054
- May 3, 2015 at 10:29 am #81026
I think the struggle is letting ourselves off the hook for what we can’t control. You’re doing a great job getting help and managing the budget. It would be wonderful if your mom could support this. It sounds like it’s just too much for her right now. As much as you can, try to let go of worrying about her reaction. How she reacts is about how she’s feeling–her fears, her insecurities. It feels like a criticism or judgment or even a manipulation. But, really, it’s the way she expresses, “I’m so worried this won’t work out! I”m so worried about someone else being her with me! I’m so worried you won’t love me.”
I wonder if it would help to use the same responses with her, like:
“I love having you here. Part of my responsibility is ensuring you continue to receive the best care possible. Having others be a part of our care team ensures you get the care you deserve.”
“I know these are tough adjustments. I’m grateful to have your support. It’s one of the reasons I love having you here.”
“I’m grateful we’re working together as a team, Mom, to make sure you have the best care possible. I hear your concerns. Let’s move forward with more help and see how it goes. We can only know what will work when we give it a try.”
(While this may not be entirely true, sometimes it helps to be redirect the behavior to what you want–support, working together as a team.)
I would take the argument out of the discussions and focus on validating how she’s feeling. It’s okay to move forward with getting more help and doing so without her stamp of approval. She’s just not in the frame of mind right now to do that.
It’s critical, though, that you have what you need–more help.
- May 3, 2015 at 10:16 am #81025
Hi Destiny–I’m so glad you’ve joined us. We totally get how awful it can be without support. Know you have a community of support behind you.
You may want to connect with @mlun94, who cares for her grandparents. We also have a chat for young adults in a caregiving role on the third Sunday of every month at 10 p.m. ET (9 p.m. CT, 7 p.m. PT).
We also have daily chats at 2 p.m. ET (1 p.m. CT, 11 a.m PT) and at 9 p.m. ET (8 p.m. CT, 6 p.m. PT).
Please feel free to join our chats any time you can.
And, think about blogging–it can be truly cathartic to write out what the day is liked for you.
- May 2, 2015 at 2:28 pm #80972
Hi Jen–Could you tell us what you would like to change about how your mom’s finances are currently being handled? What do you see not working that you would like to change?
- May 2, 2015 at 2:25 pm #80971
OH, Pegi, I’m so sorry! I so get how much you want to cry because it just seems like you can’t get to “better.”
Please continue to keep us posted as you can.
- May 1, 2015 at 8:09 pm #80941
My parents and I attended my nephews’ track meet today. My mom is on the bottom right, then my brother-in-law, sister and dad. In the foreground, my nephew, Jack, is lining up for the start of the race.
Times for the 3200 meter (2 miles):
Matthew: 10:05 (he was very disappointed–this was a slow time for him)
Jack: 9:25 (he was thrilled)
Lots of fun!!
- May 1, 2015 at 3:07 pm #80928
My dad had some problems after returning home from the hospital that only prunes could solve. Once he solved the problem, he had another problem of too many prunes. So, this morning, he baked a prune coffeecake. Here, he’s at the kitchen table cutting the prunes.
(The coffeecake is delicious!)
- May 1, 2015 at 10:46 am #80921
I also think it’s a good idea to create a contract or agreement if siblings or other family members are involved.
Family Caregiver Alliance has suggestions on how to create such a document: https://caregiver.org/personal-care-agreements
We’ve also got an article with tips to keep in mind: http://www.caregiving.com/2009/01/youre-getting-paid-great-now-get-it-right/
- May 18, 2015 at 9:20 am #81539
Hi Val–I love your profile photo. We so understand. It can feel like a constant battle to keep going. I hope our support will help.
- May 13, 2015 at 5:02 pm #81442