MimbyNYC

  • MimbyNYC posted an update 1 week ago

    Today I’m going to visit my cousin in the adult care center. It’s about 90 minutes away on public transportation. I left a message that I was coming, but he has no sense of time and I’m not sure about his memory, so I may see him or I may not.
    On Friday I finally got to open my aunt’s safe deposit box; I was hoping to find a will. No such…[Read more]

  • “Well, if your aunt doesn’t want to go to the lawyer to set up her will, and she refuses to put her son with debilitating chronic mental illness into an adult home, don’t push her and don’t stress about it–it’ll all work itself out.” WRONG! My 88-year-old aunt died a month ago and it’s been incredibly hard having to sort through her papers, deal…[Read more]

  • MimbyNYC posted an update in the group Group logo of Caring for ParentsCaring for Parents 2 weeks, 4 days ago

    OMG! Jen and I just learned that her father has to have open heart surgery in the next two weeks! We’re still recovering from my Aunt Mimi’s death last month. There is some good news–I have a court date to petition to become Mimi’s son’s guardian–August 10th. Jeez.

  • I am grateful that I’ve managed to find peace. I’d been enraged at my aunt since she got sick and died last month with no legal documents in place and without making any plans for her 65-year old son with chronic mental illness. This is now all my responsibility. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have many, many moments of anger and frustration, but I…[Read more]

  • MimbyNYC’s profile was updated 3 weeks, 5 days ago

  • My aunt’s well-meaning neighbor, when I told him that we’d given her schizophrenic son $5 to get himself a sandwich, implied that I should have made him a hot meal. This while my aunt (who died a week later) was in the ICU, we were looking frantically through her hoarder house of horrors for any papers and health info relevant to her or her son…[Read more]

  • My aunt betrayed me through inaction.
    I’m too furious to mourn her.
    Life is hard? Here’s some more!

  • MimbyNYC posted an update in the group Group logo of GeneralGeneral 1 month, 3 weeks ago

    It’s nearly 1 pm and I’ve spent the day so far focused mainly on taking care of myself. I finished a draft of a song, “Daddy Won’t Let Me Fall,” which is the second in a series of songs about Returning Hearts Celebration at Angola Prison in Louisiana, where inmate dads and their kids spend a day reconnecting with each other. Now I’m off to my…[Read more]

    • You rock, MNYC. Really, you keep going, you take for what you need and you manage all these overwhelming (pretty awful) responsibilities. Any chance you have something fun planned for the weekend? How was the funeral?

  • Well, tomorrow’s the funeral for my aunt. I’ve just finished arranging for her son’s transportation from his new home at the adult facility about 45 minutes away. Whew! I had to talk with the social worker to find another resident in full possession of his faculties to agree to accompany my cousin to the service and make sure he doesn’t wander off…[Read more]

    • You are amazing for all that you can and all that you have done. You’re so thoughtful! And, your own self-care is marvelous. :) Hoping all goes okay tomorrow. We’ll be thinking of you and sending you warm thoughts of support.

    • Hope all goes smoothly tomorrow.

  • A wonderful gift from a thoughtful grandson. Really heartwarming.

  • On Thursday, my cousin Kenny and I accompanied my aunt’s son to his new home, about 45 minutes away. I’d found all the papers he needed to gain admittance, and either he or I could answer any questions, and he was in! Thank God! He has a nice-sized room and a bathroom he’ll share with one roommate.
    After riding back from the home to my mom’s house…[Read more]

    • What a relief he is settled! But, ooohhhhh, your aunt’s chaos. What an upsetting situation to see the result of her denial, especially because it meant she lived in such a horrible state. Because it all could have been avoided, I totally get the anger.

      I hope you will share the eulogy. Thanks so much for keeping us posted. I hope today brings…[Read more]

    • I was so glad to read that your aunt’s son is all squared away. That’s a huge burden off your shoulders. Your aunt’s house — what a stomach-turning mess. :( Cleaning out my parents’ house after my mother died was a colossal task as she was a bit of a hoarder, but at least the place was sanitary. I’m so sorry this task has fallen to you. On…[Read more]

  • MimbyNYC posted an update 2 months ago

    Today’s Activities:
    * Set my aunt’s funeral for next Tuesday.

    * Met with the lawyers today for 2 hours. It’s a twisty situation, complicated by the fact that the 3 heirs are all incapacitated due to mental illness (her son, his daughter) or dementia (her sister [my mother]), and she left no will. Took 4 days to go thru 9 bags of stuff to get the…[Read more]

    • I can only imagine how exhausted you are. It’s absolutely amazing what you’ve done in mere days. I hope all goes okay tomorrow. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

  • MimbyNYC posted an update 2 months ago

    My aunt passed early today. My sister and I are working on the funeral, getting my aunt’s son ready to move into the assisted living home, keeping up with his meds, feeding him, finding/buying his clothes, and checking on him. I can’t wait until he’s in his new digs. That will be a tremendous weight off all our shoulders. Once he’s settled we can…[Read more]

    • Wow! I know you still have a lot to do, but I’m impressed by how much you’ve already accomplished. Let us know how it goes with the attorney.

    • I hope all goes okay today! I hope the lawyer provides guidance and insights that give you hope.

      I’m so grateful you keep us posted. I’ll be anxious to hear how it goes today. Fingers crossed.

  • MimbyNYC posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    This evening my aunt was taken off the respirator. My sister Pat, cousin Vanessa, wife Jennifer, dear friend Grace, and I were witnesses. My sister and I also visited a local funeral home to arrange for my aunt’s cremation. One piece of good news is that the social workers at my schizophrenic cousin’s day center found a place for him to live. He…[Read more]

  • MimbyNYC posted a new activity comment 2 months ago

    My sister Pat, Jen, and I have made the decision to take Aunt Mimi off the respirator. Her kidneys are failing and there’s no need to prolong the inevitable. My sister is coming to NYC from LA tomorrow. My hope is that she can focus on our mom and help with the funeral arrangements. My mom has been up and about the house this week, but has only…[Read more]

    • I am so glad your sister is with you and Jen now. So much! I continue to think of you and your family and send prayers your way. I’m so grateful you keep us posted. Let us know how the weekend goes when you can.

  • MimbyNYC posted an update 2 months ago

    Today at 11am, Jen and I are meeting with the palliative care team at the hospital to discuss my aunt’s condition. Went through 3 garbage bags full of papers that we grabbed from her house and found relevant medical and financial information for her and for her 64-y.o. schizophrenic son. We are exhausted.

    • Oh, Kathleen, I’m glad you found paperwork but argh! the journey to get it. Great idea to meet with palliative care–they should be able to offer honest, helpful guidance. The meeting is happening as I write and I so hope it provides what you need.

      • My sister Pat, Jen, and I have made the decision to take Aunt Mimi off the respirator. Her kidneys are failing and there’s no need to prolong the inevitable. My sister is coming to NYC from LA tomorrow. My hope is that she can focus on our mom and help with the funeral arrangements. My mom has been up and about the house this week, but has only…[Read more]

        • I am so glad your sister is with you and Jen now. So much! I continue to think of you and your family and send prayers your way. I’m so grateful you keep us posted. Let us know how the weekend goes when you can.

    • This evening my aunt was taken off the respirator. My sister Pat, cousin Vanessa, wife Jennifer, dear friend Grace, and I were witnesses. My sister and I also visited a local funeral home to arrange for my aunt’s cremation. One piece of good news is that the social workers at my schizophrenic cousin’s day center found a place for him to live. He…[Read more]

  • MimbyNYC posted an update in the group Group logo of Caring for ParentsCaring for Parents 2 months, 1 week ago

    Well, our worst fears have been realized. My aunt Mimi is in the ICU being kept alive on a respirator; she’s not expected to recover after her heart stopped for 15 minutes.
    She made NO provisions for herself or her 64-y.o. schizophrenic son. We called 911, but the police and EMT couldn’t just commit my cousin because he’s not currently violent…[Read more]

    • What a nightmare. You’ve been asking her for so many years to take care of her affairs. It’s just a tragedy. You did all you could do–I know you couldn’t have done any more. I wish I could offer you more than words–what a nightmare for you right now. I’m keeping you in my prayers. As you can, let us know how you’re doing.

  • MimbyNYC posted an update in the group Group logo of Caring for ParentsCaring for Parents 2 months, 1 week ago

    Assisted living facility looked pretty good. This weekend, making a list of all the things i have to deal with, in the following categories: Mom – health, house, finances, other. Me – health, finances, home, creativity, work, etc. My Aunt Mimi – legal, health, finances, house, her son (legal, housing). This is just a start but will help me feel…[Read more]

    • I love the idea of breaking it out so it feels doable. It’s helps to feel in control. So glad the facility looked good.

  • MimbyNYC posted an update in the group Group logo of Caring for ParentsCaring for Parents 2 months, 1 week ago

    Going today to look at an assisted living facility not too far from my home. Not sure I want to move my mom at all, but I want to know what’s available before I might need it. I’m also looking for possible places for my aunt. She’s in her own home now, also, but her eyesight has deteriorated further due to glaucoma.

    • It’s good to know what’s out there. And, seeing the options can help as you decide which option will be best. I so hope you have some time for R&R this weekend.

  • Load More