Caregiving stirs up so many emotions—emotions sometimes too embarrassing to acknowledge. You may wonder: Is this normal?
Take this quick test (just answer yes or no) to find out how normal your caregiving experience is:
1. I often long for the days prior to my caregiving role.
2. On a regular basis, I fight to maintain my composure.
3. Sometimes, I just dread interacting with my care recipient.
4. I often think I am not doing enough.
5. I feel shame about my emotions, particularly the resentment and anger.
6. I have wished that my caregiving days would end.
7. I have hidden from my care recipient (in another room, in my car, in the bathroom).
8. I am not the person I was.
9. I have lost my temper.
10. I am really, really tired.
Did you answer yes to any of the questions? To all of them?
Guess what? You’re normal!
Caregiving can test you unlike an other life experience. The emotions associated with a caregiving experience can be so negative—even if you really, really love your care recipient. These emotions can wear you down faster than the transfers you make from the bed to commode. To stay well emotionally, consider joining a support group, seeing a counselor, hiring a coach, or creating another way for you to vent regularly about what’s really happening.
The worst part about your caregiving challenges? Keeping it to yourself. Find a safe haven to be who you are.
What a list! Unfortunately, I had to say yes to all of them. As caregiver to my soon-to-be 87-year-old father for the past three years, my emotions are all over the place. Just in the last month I have been hit with extreme fatigue, and I am having a very difficult time turning that around.
Having a love/hate relationship with a parent who is in the situation they are in through no fault of their own other than longevity takes its toll after a while. If I was in a negative mood and something happened to Dad, I would be devastated. But, trying to remain positive at all times is impossible. What a quandry we find ourselves in, but I know I am where I’m supposed to be at this season of my life. I know it will all work out in the end.
Yes, I can relate to your situation, only with my mother. She is not living with us but she might as well be. I think we do our very best when need arises, and although we are not perfect but human, we feel guilty when we can’t do more. My reply would be to look after yourself, don’t feel quilty about hiding, which I do sometimes, because the time away if only for a few moments, is the correct thing to do to give some breathing time.
It is not an easy job and we take it on as a job. We do love our people but we should also love ourselves. Whatever we give to others should also be given to ourselves.
i know just what you going through. BEEN CAREGIVER FOR THREE YEARS LAST 18 MONTHS FULLTIME SINCE MOM MOVED IN WITH US.AND SPOUSE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH PARKINSON DR.MOMS ALZHIMERS IS GETTING WORSE.AND I SOME TIMES JUST WANT TO RUN FROM MY RESPONSABILITIES. THEN I SEE MOM SO FRAIL N SPOUSE LOOKING SO SAD AT ME IT MAKES ME FEEL SO GUILTY FOR MY NOT CARIG MORE FOR THEMM.
Hi Eva,
You really have a load to carry. I think that your feelings are very normal. I think all of us who are caregivers share these emotions. I take care of my mother who is 91 and an amputee and my brother who has had a stroke. It gets really hard sometimes. Mom always tries to keep a good attitude, but sometimes gets down because of hurting all the time; my brother can be a real curmudgeon at times and hard to deal with and then his situation really hits him and he goes off in his room and will cry for hours. I feel tired, guilty and all of the above, too.
All I can say is that I understand.