“We are limited on space; would change home so everyone could have privacy.”
“In bathroom, we added hand rails, raised toilet, shower bench; in living room, we put in lift chair; outside ramps. Impact: Makes you angry because our house does not seem like it belongs to us any more.”
–Family caregivers, in response to the question: If you could change anything about your home to enhance your ability to provide care, what would those changes be? (Results of our most recent Caregiving survey)
Donna feels bad about this, but she cringes every time she hears her mother’s walker making its way down the hallway. And, on the days when she worked over-time and the kids just wouldn’t stop fighting… Ah, for a little bit of privacy.
You’re glad to share your house with your aging relative—you’re proud that you’re able to help. You understood adjustments and some sacrifices come with territory, but you just didn’t realize how much the lack of privacy would really bother you–really, really bother you.
When an aging relative moves in, it’s not just a person who moves in, but a disability or illness that takes up a lot of space. How do you protect some of your privacy? Some suggestions:
1. Create your own Paradise of Privacy. Whether it be a spare bedroom or a corner in the basement, make your own get-away, complete with your favorite things (books, chocolate, candles, scrapbook, journal, music, TV, videos). When the going gets rough in the rest of the house, you can take a breather by yourself. I know one family caregiver who sat in her car when she needed time to herself. Another family caregiver found privacy in her bathroom with regular bubble baths.
2. Set Up a Caregiving Closet. Dedicate a closet or a corner to hold all the supplies and ancillaries your aging relative needs. If possible, use a closet that’s closest to where personal care takes place, such as the bathroom or your care recipient’s bedroom. Organizing and containing the supplies keeps the clutter, and the invasion, to a minimum.
3. Schedule Time Alone. Once a week, once a month, whatever you can manage, but try to let each family member enjoy the house alone (or supervised from afar). It’s great to get out and away from it all, but sometimes, it’s even better when you get everyone else out so you can enjoy time alone.
4. Schedule Regular Family Meetings. Ask for feedback from everyone—spouse, kids, care recipient—on how the living arrangement is working. And, focus on solutions: Everyone who brings up a problem must also share a solution.
Sharing a house is hard. But, it’s often what makes your house a home.
Index of Articles
Tips To Consider as You Decide One Household for All?
Your Thoughts: Does One Household for All Work for You?
You are a disruptor. The delivery of health care starts with you, continues because of you, and ends with you. Let's disrupt together to make the world better for family caregivers. 
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