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Tell Us: What’s a Memorable Shopping Trip with Your Caree?

Denise — Fri, 11 May 2012 15:18:59 +0000

Joshua Mueller, world record holder for the largest collection of Converse shoes, sits among his collection.Our gift card won't buy you a collection, but you'll be able to add to your collection.

Chris’s update about new shoes for ‘The Little One’ makes me want to go shopping. And, then, yesterday, an anonymous donor called to offer us a $60 gift card to Clarks shoes.

So, now you can go shopping!

So, to win the $60 gift card, share a memorable (which means it sticks in your memory for either good or bad reasons) shopping excursion with your caree. Perhaps the inability to weave the wheelchair aisles caused a meltdown. Or maybe you and your caree caught a case of the giggles in the check-out line. Share your story in our comments section, below.

We’ll choose a random winner to receive the gift card. Just share your story by Sunday (May 13) for a chance to win.

Happy shopping!

Updates

We chat on Twitter on Sunday (May 13) at 8 p.m. ET. We’ll talk about your weekend and Mother’s Day. Join the conversation by following this hashtag: #carechat.
Your Caregiving Journey airs today at 12:30 p.m. ET and tomorrow at 10 a.m. ET. And, our live call-in show airs Tuesday (May 15) at 7:30 p.m. ET; we’ll talk about the meaning in your experience. Listen to our shows here.

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Tell Us: What’s Your Bad Day Headline?

Denise — Wed, 09 May 2012 17:53:10 +0000

Sometimes, the only cure for the smell of a bad day are fresh flowers.

Dana’s post yesterday (“Sometimes It’s Still Hard“) got me thinking about bad days. When I have a bad day, I also have a headline that screams the day’s bottom line. Like, I was so mad my hair stood on end. Or, I just lost it, I just lost it.

So, let’s share our bad day’s headlines. And, for fun, let’s do it in six words. A bad day headline could be:

And Then the Projectile Vomiting Started
Even the Dog Hid Behind Covers
I Ate Breakfast at 8 p.m.
Wheelchair Lands in Lake; Daughter Charged

Please share your six-word headline in our comments section, below. We’ll choose a random award a winner a copy of Take Comfort, the CD set.

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What’s the “Stuff” Caregivers Say?

Denise — Tue, 01 May 2012 20:39:41 +0000

A video went viral earlier this year which featured “sh–” New Yorker say. (You can watch it here.) The video features tongue-in-cheek clips of two New Yorkers saying, ““I want a dog, but it wouldn’t be fair,” “I read that in the New Yorker,” “Oh, I don’t own a TV.” The video is part of a You Tube phenomenon featuring, well, “sh–” people say.

Stav Birnbaum of Visiting Nurse Service of New York (I connected with Stav through Twitter) suggested we put together a video featuring stuff family caregivers say. So, we’d love to know the phrases or comments you find yourself saying over and over. To help, I’ve come up with a few places where you may find yourself repeating the same comment:

What do you typically say in a waiting room after waiting too long?
What do you say when your head is in the dryer for the 10th time in one day?
What do you say to the pharmacist?
What do you say when you meet another family caregiver?
What do you say when you run out of incontinence supplies?
What do you say when you’re in a hurry and your caree isn’t?
What do you say when you haven’t had a chance to change out of your pajamas?

Share the stuff that family caregivers say in our comments section, below. I’ll keep you posted on the video.

The Faces of Caregiving (caregiving.com)
The Saving Grace of Community (caregiving.com)
Now Available: Your Help Book (caregiving.com)
Just Added: Groups to Share About Caregiving Help in Your Community (caregiving.com)
Your Greatest Caregiving Skill: You Know How (caregiving.com)

Tell Us: Which Caregiving Reality Won’t Make a Hallmark Card?

Denise — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 23:24:10 +0000

The Hallmark life looks so good, doesn't it? Even during wartime. (FYI: I watch this movie--at least twice--every holiday.) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Over the weekend, Tom posted an update, “Feeling Like a Hypocrite.” He ended his post with this line:

“The love that keeps us together feels like an anchor around my neck today.”

The Unit Known as Shandi, who blogged here about caring for her mom until her mother’s death last July, shared this reply:

That statement may be one of the best descriptions of the reality of caregiving. What a profound statement. It’s so much easier to think of statements like, “The love that keeps us together gives me wings to fly”, or other mushy Hallmark moments. Not that these aren’t true at some point in a love story…they are, and they are valid. But loving someone is easy when it’s the Hallmark moments. You’ll never see your statement in a Hallmark card…

So… let’s create reflections about caregiving that will never make a Hallmark card. Reflections like:

I dreamed of your diarrhea last night.

I’d love to throw the wheelchair out the back door.

At times, I’m not sure which of us has dementia.

My difficult days have given me a butt bigger than I could ever imagine.

Feel free to share your reflection in our comments section, below. We’ll award a winner a copy of Good Morning! Sunny Reflections to Start Your Day. We’ll choose a winner on Thursday so be sure to share before then.

Your Greatest Caregiving Skill: You Know How (caregiving.com)
Business (caregiving.com)
Open (caregiving.com)
Stepping Into the Caregiving Size that Fits (caregiving.com)
Bake (caregiving.com)

Tell Us: How Do Keep Your Caree Occupied?

Denise — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 19:42:09 +0000

Yesterday, during Table Talk on Your Caregiving Journey, Kristin spoke about her inability to do what she enjoys. She has books to read, words to write, websites to visit… And, yet she can’t. The stress of worrying about Mary and whether Mary is safe becomes her day’s only action. It’s all she can do—think about making sure Mary is okay. The dread of what could happen (Mary wanders off, makes a mess of her ostomy bag) means Kristin is constantly ready to act.

The stress has taken over her days. The stress has become her life.

I think you can all relate. It’s what makes stress so insidious—it will grip your mind and soul with such a tight hold that it leaves little room for anything else. And, in caregiving, the cures for the stress, like getting more help (sometimes, you can’t get enough) or having Mary attend a local adult day center (there isn’t one nearby) can be an impossibility. It would be great if Mary could take a walk to tire herself out so she sleeps better. But Kristin lives in a remote area, in the mountains, which makes it hard for her and Mary to go out for a walk together. And, it’s long drive into town; a shopping mall for safe walking during the winter isn’t an option.

So, how do you keep Mary occupied long enough so that Kristin can take a break? It’s a caregiver’s conundrum.

We’ve put together a few ideas to increase a caree’s activity (to help promote a better sleep) and/or keep a caree occupied (so you can take a break):

Buck and Buck: The company makes dressing easier. It also makes undressing difficult—which comes in handy if you’d like to keep your caree either clean or simply clothed (or both). For instances, back-zip jumpsuits ensure a caree can’t slip out of clothes or reach into what you don’t want them to reach. Shop here.

Collector’s Choice Music: Purchase your caree’s favorite music, including Big Band, classical/opera and soundtracks. Also available are old radio shows. Visit www.ccmusic.com or call 800-993-6344.

Innovative Caregiving Resources: Researchers from the Gerontology Center at the University of Utah concluded that video respites work—and developed their own series as result. The videos are now available through an unrelated company, Innovative Caregiving Resources. Videos cater to a wide range of care recipients; in “Ladies…Let’s Chat” female carees will enjoy a visit with Diane and her grandchildren and in “Lunchbreak with Tony” male carees take a lunch break and discuss first cars and stick ball. Other videos are geared toward specific ethnicities (Hispanic, African Americans, Jewish) and toward holidays, such as Christmas. For more information, visit www.videorespite.com or call 1-800-249-5600 .

NASCO: Its online catalog, at www.enasco.com/senioractivities, features products to captivate your caree. You’ll products for persons with Alzheimer’s, as well as puzzles, games, sing-a-long videos and arts and crafts. You’ll want to peruse this company’s catalog and/or web site; it offers great ideas on how to keep you caree occupied with meaningful activites. Call for catalog: 800-558-9595.

Alzheimer’s Store: You’ll find products that keep your caree. Products are categorized by stages (Early Stage, Middle Stage and Later Stage), wandering, safety, forgetfullness. Visit www.alzstore.com or call 800-752-3238.

Puzzles and Games: You can find puzzles specifically for persons with dementia. Check out Memory Jogging Puzzles, MGC Puzzles, DignifieDesigns and Springbook Puzzles. You also can find more game ideas at Marbles the Brain Store; if you’re unsure of which game would be appropriate for your caree, call (877) 527-2460 to speak with a Marbles’ “brain coach” who can offer suggestions.

Sit and Be Fit: Sit and Be Fit is a line of exercise videos developed and lead by Mary Ann Wilson, who you’ve probably seen on your local PBS station. Mary Ann has tapes for persons with chronic illnesses, such as arthritis and Parkinson’s, as well as tapes for persons new to an exercise program. “The Caregiver’s Guide To Exercise Video” is perfect for carees who are wheelchair and bed-bound. Call 509-448-9438 to learn about the right exercise video for you and your caree. Or visit the Sit and Be Fit web site at www.sitandbefit.com.

Senior Yoga: In this DVD, yoga teacher Debbie Russo leads you through a series of chair poses to help you and your caree increase your strength, endurance and flexibility. You’ll enjoy improved balance and stress relief. Learn more here.

No-cost activity ideas include folding laundry, organizing recipes and looking through old photos. Your caree also may be able to complete simple household tasks, like water the plants or help with cooking or baking or help feed and groom the pets. You also can reminisce, asking questions about a caree’s past, and play a favorite DVD of a treasured event (like a family member’s wedding). You also can ask family and friends to regularly call and write letters or send cards.

I’d love to add your suggestions as well. In our comments section, please tell us: How do you keep your caree occupied?

Reminders: Our next talk show airs on Tuesday, January 10, at 7:30 p.m. ET. And, I have our question (inspired by our show with Kristin): How can our communities help prevent family caregiver burn-out? Call in and share your suggestions; first caller wins. You can listen here. And, we chat on Twitter tonight (January at 8 p.m. ET (7 p.m. CT, 5 p.m. PT) about your best caregiving tips. To join us, just go to tweetchat.com, sign in with your Twitter credentials and use our hashtag: carechat. Finally, be sure to sign up for one of our classes; you’ll be amazed at what you learn about yourself!

Encouraging Kristin (caregiving.com)
Alzheimer’s and Hospice (caregiving.com)
*This* Is My Life (caregiving.com)
Your Caree Declines, Your Health Care Costs Increase (caregiving.com)
To Kristin’s We Went (caregiving.com)
In Six Words, What’s Your Unexpected Benefit? (caregiving.com)
What Do You Know About Caregiving That the World Doesn’t? (caregiving.com)
A Tip for a Tough Day: Appoint a Love Substitute (caregiving.com)

Tell Us: Which Lesson from 2011 Will You Bring Into 2012?

Denise — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 16:21:55 +0000

Over the weekend, I did a mini review of 2011. I wondered: What did I learn that will help make 2012 different?

My biggest takeaway from 2011? Worrying wastes my time. (I still worry but I’m trying to remember that it really wastes my time.) The worrying just adds more stress when I’m already stressed. Rather than worry, I’m much better off when I take action or ask for help or accept a reality. More important, instead of worrying, I can choose to trust and believe that solutions exists. I may not see the solutions today, but I can trust I will know them tomorrow.

I’d love to know: Which lesson did you learn in 2011 that you will bring into this year? Please share yours in our comments section below. We’ll choose a winner to receive Take Time, A Journal and Journey Toward Greater Happiness During an Unhappy Time (Caregiving). And, congrats to Janet, who won Take Comfort, the CD set and book, for sharing her six-word wish for 2012. (Update: Oops! Janet already won Take Comfort, the CD set and book, so she’ll receive a copy of Take Time. Connie will receive Take Comfort, the CD set and book. Congrats to Janet and Connie.)

Resources
–Our free webinar will take place on Wednesday, January 4, at 11 a.m. CT (Noon ET, 9 a.m. PT). We’ll take about how to give yourself a chance in 2012. To join the webinar, just come back to the website at 1 a.m. CT (Noon ET, 9 a.m. PT) on January 4.

—Need help setting resolutions for 2012? You can listen to last year’s webinar, Seven Ways to Make 2011 Your Most Special Year, for ideas. You can listen to the archive here.

Letting Go Versus Giving Up (caregiving.com)
In Six Words, What’s Your Wish for 2012? (caregiving.com)
Webinar Follow-Up: How Will You Manage Family Meetings? (caregiving.com)
Webinar Follow-Up: What’s Your Escape? (caregiving.com)
Webinar Follow-Up: Which Gift Will You Give Yourself? (caregiving.com)
Webinar Follow-Up: How Will You End the Blame Game? (caregiving.com)

Tell Us: How Do You Start Your Day?

Denise — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 15:11:54 +0000

Yesterday, on Your Caregiving Journey, Elizabeth Lombardo, our happiness expert, joined me for a discussion on how to start your day. You can listen to our who via the player below. (You can view Elizabeth on the Today Show by visiting her website.)

The inspiration for our show was a recent article in The Wall Street Journal that talked about the importance of setting the right mood for your day in the morning. Elizabeth and I shared ideas on how you can start your day and how you can transition to and from your caregiving morning routine.

I’d love to know: How do you start your day? Do you have a ritual which begins your day? Please share in our comments section, below.

Listen to internet radio with Denise Brown on Blog Talk Radio

Table Talk: Trish (caregiving.com)
Wow (caregiving.com)
Simply, Forgive (caregiving.com)
Healing Your Pain (caregiving.com)
Family Caregivers Count (caregiving.com)
Easy (caregiving.com)

Tell Us: What’s the Smartest Thing You’ve Done?

Denise — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 13:26:43 +0000

Often, when I look back on my life, I think about the dumb things I’ve done. Ugh, I’ll think, that was so dumb!

Once in awhile, my memory will give me a break and dwell on those actions or decisions which were quite smart. Thinking of those smart moments in my life gives me hope that my future will include more smart decisions.

So, I’d love to know: What’s the smartest thing you’ve done as a family caregiver? Perhaps you switched your caree’s doctor and now you both have a resource and an advocate. Maybe you moved your caree into an assisted living facility at what you now can see was the right time. Or, perhaps you rearranged the house so that care can take place conveniently and efficiently.

What’s the smartest thing you’ve done as a family caregiver? Please share in our comments section, below.

Updates

Your Caregiving Journey airs twice today! At 11:30 a.m. ET, Claire Day, Vice President of Constituent Services for the Alzheimer’s Association Delaware Valley Chapter, answers your questions about dementia. At 3 p.m. ET, we have our Caregiving Book Club discussion. This month, we’re reading The Caregiving Years, Six Stages to a Meaningful Journey by me. G-J steps in as show host to interview me. To listen to both shows, visit here. We’ve got more shows coming up this week; view the schedule here.

I’m Enough, So I’ve Had Enough (of the Doritos) (caregiving.com)
Talking with G-J (caregiving.com)
Answers to Your Questions about Dementia Care (caregiving.com)
We’re Planning for November; Wanna Help? (caregiving.com)
Does Sharing Make You a Better Caregiver? (caregiving.com)
Tell Us: In Six Words, What’s Your Responsibility? (caregiving.com)
In Six Words, What’s Your Simple Caregiving Tip? (caregiving.com)
Do We Need a POA for Love? (caregiving.com)
A Bad Day? Or, a Decline? (caregiving.com)
You Told Us About Dementia (caregiving.com)
Go (caregiving.com)

Tell Us: When Do You Fib?

Denise — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 21:58:29 +0000

I love this comment left by Karen yesterday in response to our request for bathing tips:

Way back then, the only thing that would get her in the tub was if I told her she had a doctor appt the next day. That usually did it after coaxing for an hour… Needless to say… I told her that every other day! Those little fibs we have to tell… That’s a very hard thing in itself to deal with initially… You don’t tell fibs to mama! LOL. That changed.. For her own good.

Her comment comes on the heels of an article yesterday on The New York Times’ The New Old Age Blog. In “White Lies and Worse,” author Paula Span wrote about two friends who don’t disclose the truth to their aging parents. One tells her mom that the doctor has prescribed a stomach relaxer rather than Xanax. A second reported her mom to the state division of motor vehicles to keep her mom off the road.

But that’s not the interesting part of the story. The interesting part is the insights from professionals, a gerontologist and an ethicist, about an aspect of caregiving (Kinda Fibbing) that’s rather common place. The professionals encourage truth-telling, although recognize that a cognitive impairment may mean we choose communication that minimizes harm (i.e., Kinda Fibbing) and, in Karen’s case, gets the bathing done.

So, I’m curious: When do you fib to your caree? How do you feel about the fibbing? Share in our comments section, below.

I’m Ready. Will You Help Me? (caregiving.com)
Forgiveness: Opening the Door You Kept Shut (caregiving.com)
Two Worlds (caregiving.com)

Tell Us: What Part of You Got Lost?

Denise — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 14:52:47 +0000

In last week’s poll, What’s Caregiving’s Worst Side Effect?, your top answer was, “I feel like I lost myself.”

I’d love for you to tell us more. For instance, do you feel like you look in the mirror and wonder what happened? Do you feel like you’ve lost your ability to enjoy what you used to? Or, do you look around and think: How did I get to where I don’t belong?

Perhaps others have told you that they don’t recognize you. And, perhaps, you don’t recognize your old friends because who they are seemed to be who you were a lifetime ago.

Share your thoughts about losing yourself in our comments section, below. And, if you found what you lost, please share that, too.

Updates

We’re so glad to meet our newest members:

Kimberly, who cares for her son (and could use some words of encouragement);
MimbyNYC, who cares for her mom and her aunt;
Kim, who cares for her mother;
Aurora, who cares for a grandparent;
Linda, who cares for her husband and 7-year-old grandson.

We’d love for you to join us, too. Just go here.

Visit our Caregiving Art Show (caregiving.com)
Labor (caregiving.com)
Tell Us: When Does Caregiving Steal Your Spirit? (caregiving.com)
Accepting to Find the Fairness of Life (caregiving.com)
Tell Us: What Do You Take Too Seriously? (caregiving.com)
A Bad Day? Or, a Decline? (caregiving.com)
Forgiveness: Opening the Door You Kept Shut (caregiving.com)