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Caregiving.com: Managing The Stress ~ Making The Decisions ~ Discovering The Meaning |
| Ask Denise |
Solution To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years |
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February 24, 2008
Inside Caregiving.com: The Caregiving Years School of You Join a Support Group Join our Book Club Products for Your Heart and Your Spirit: | Stumped by an on-going struggle? Searching for meaning in your journey? You're not alone! Family caregivers ask Denise M. Brown, Professional Caregiving Coach and Editor and Publisher, Caregiving.com, for her insights and suggestions to their caregiving conundrums. Have a question for Denise? Just e-mail her. Denise will do her best to answer questions within 24 hours. If you or your care recipient are in a crisis, we urge you to call a health care professional immediately for assistance. Denise only provides general insights about general situations. You should always consult your own lawyer, financial planner, health care professional and other professional advisors for advice specific to your situation. Denise, I just found this website and do not really know where to begin. I take care of my dad who is 80 years old. He lives with me and my family. I also have a 27-year-old handicapped daughter with Prader-Willi Syndrome. I kinda burnt out. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother but all the care falls on me...Any suggestions what I need to do to hook up with support groups or your info on website. I am not very computer savy. But am desperately seeking someone that may just listen. Thanks. Hi, Wow! You've got quite a lot on your plate. No wonder you're feeling burnt-out! A few suggestions: --Call the ElderCare Locator at 1-800-677-1116; they can refer you to your local Area Agency on Aging. The aging can tell you about programs and services that may help. --I'd love for you to join one of our online support groups. I just sent you an invite; simply follow the instructions to join. If you are having problems, please let me know. We have tons of articles on the site to help. I think "Caregiving 101" is a good place to start: Other suggestions: When Three's Company, You, Your Care Recipient and Your Spouse: Your Truth and The Team: http://caregiving.com/Focus/index30.htm Hope this helps! Hello Denise, I am looking for other lesbian caregivers. I mean to say Lesbians who take care of an elderly parent particularly. I am sure there must be some out there. I am a 59-year-old lesbian caring for my mother with Alzheimer's. I know what I am doing. Everything is okay, more or less, but I would like to communicate via the internet with others like me. I know many lesbians are caregivers. I can't find them. Do you know any way to connect? Hi, We have a support group for gays and lesbians in a caregiving role (some care for partners, some care for parents). We'd love to have you join us! To join, go here: If you have any problems, please let me know. Dear Denise: We haven’t has a personal computer for very long here at our home so I am very new to reaching out to someone I don’t know. But the tears are streaming down my face and I can’t see the keyboard very well, but I’ll give this a try. I am 53 and my husband is 55. He was hurt on the job 28 years ago. So I have been his care/wife for a long time. We raised two beautiful daughters who are now 30 and 33. We have two granddaughters. We have all that we need and a wonderful family, but I get to the end of myself. I am so tired of being the one with the happy attitude and playing the nurse and being responsible for everything. Wow, that is putting it midly at best. I’ve never put in words my life before. My husband is able to work part-time. He walks with cane cuff cruthes and can’t walk with out them. He falls frequently. He has broken his nose, collar bone and hit his head too many times to count. I’m always there and nurse him back to health. I am a positive person, he is a negative one. At this point I get no physical warmth from him unless I go over and get it and I do but I need someone to take care of me sometimes. I should be used to this by now, but life gets overwhelming even with prayer and an active church life. These are thing most outsiders don’t realize. We were only married 5 years when he fell at work. We have been married 33 years now. I'm just getting tired and having the “I don’t care " attitude about my life. I try but I can’t get the zeal for living that I once had. That’s all I feel like writing now. Hello, Oh, gosh, I'm sorry for all you've been there. It's overwhelming to think to think how one moment (the moment in which your husband was injured) changed life forever for you. I'm not sure you can ever get used to such a drastic life change that occurs without any notice. It does sound like you have a wonderful family. It also sounds as if perhaps you've put your happiness on hold in order to be someone else's happiness. As you've found out, putting your needs and happiness on the backburner can just make you feel downright sad and mad. You've also found out that you can't make someone else happy. You have a right to happiness. You have a right to a marriage that fulfills and honors you. You have a right to ask for what you want and to receive it. You have a right to bad days during which you grieve for what you've lost. My suggestion would to be find a good counselor who can help you sort through all this. A counselor can help you remember who you are and help you find who you want to be. Your local United Way organization and church may be able to tell you about counseling services in your area. You also can ask friends and family for recommendations. You are among a very unique group. We do have some members in the Caregiving Support group who are younger spouses; I think you would enjoy meeting them. I sent you an invite to join us. And, here's another resource for you: http://www.wellspouse.org. Hang in there... How helpful was this article?
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