I’m winging it.

Usually, I try to write about a current situation or something inspirational or something amusing (like slipping Robert a veggie burger).

Tonight . . . I don’t know what’s wrong with me so I’m just writing. I was reading some posts and feeling very sappy and then started to cry. I haven’t cried in ages and actually started to think there might be something wrong with me. I mean, when my dad died I thought I would eventually have a day of crying at some random, inopportune time, but that never happened. Had I somehow hardened myself so much that I can no longer cry? What happens to a person’s tear ducts if they don’t cry every now and then? Do they seal up from lack of use?

So, what’s going on with me? I had a productive weekend working on a project near and dear to my heart but I was pretty frustrated with Robert this weekend.  I want to make his life a bit easier but I don’t want him to be so dependent on me and my husband that it’s harmful to him. He’s used to stopping by Starbucks with me after I pick him for the weekend and we get a Chai tea for me, a regular ice tea for hubby and chocolate creme frappacino for him. Before we even made it to the car this weekend, he asked if we were getting a chocolate shake. It kind of bugged me because what started out as a “treat” is now something he’s come to expect. I told him we can’t get that every single time I pick him up.

“Why not?” he asked.  Well . . . because, we just can’t, that’s why.

Later in the weekend, he wanted me to hand him his pajama bottoms.  They were in the hallway on his walker, just outside the bathroom. I was in a whole other room but close enough to listen for him if he had a problem.

He asked me to hand him his pj bottoms.

I’m in the other room.

I told him he could get them and he said, “but I’m sitting down.” Well, so am I and I’M IN THE OTHER ROOM! He pondered this dilemma and then got his own pj bottoms but I don’t think he was very happy about it. I want to make his life easier (like by helping make sure he wears clean clothes or buying him shirts that close with velcro instead of buttons) but I don’t want him to be too dependent if it’s not necessary.

I don’t want to be taken advantage of, I guess.

Today, I had a crappy day at work. It’s been stressful at work because this is my busy season (reviews, budget, etc.) and there are just days that are tougher than others (or maybe it’s just they all build up or maybe it’s because I enjoyed the writing project so much this weekend and “day job” was a stark contrast to that).

Aside from that, my mother-in-law went in for a heart procedure today (she’s fine) and didn’t think I was stressed about that but it’s possible thinking about her may have added to my doldrums.

Plus, Wayward Son is leaving in one week for Air Force boot camp. His going away party is this weekend but then he’s leaving next Monday. He’s certainly not doing anything lately to make me miss him (staying up all night playing video games, waking me up in the middle of the night as he forages in the kitchen, grunting greetings instead of using actual words). As irritated as I am with him, maybe the thought of him leaving is bugging me too (although I’m really looking forward to using his closet).

Who knows.

All I know is I’m just down in the dumps and find myself with wet eyes at my keyboard.

I guess my tear ducts work after all.

Or passed out from meat withdrawal.

On my way out the door to the local fast food restaurant, Robert called out, “Can I get a chocolate shake, too?”

Hmm.  Well, do you want a shake with your burger or a bowl of Rocky Road Ice Cream for dessert? You can’t have both (I’ve been down this road before and I’m on to him).

Robert gave me his best “I’m not going to say anything and will just stare at you hoping you’ll change your mind” stare.

While he mulled over his choices and I stood my ground, I thought about caregiving in general and how it is full of choices. All the time.

Caregivers make choices every day. Heck, sometimes choices even have to be made moment to moment. What briefs do I choose for Robert to keep him dry? Do we use the transport chair for an outing or let him use his walker? How can I satisfy his taste buds but keep him healthy? Do I follow him as he walks to the bathroom in case he has a seizure and I have to catch him or do I stop hovering and hope for the best?

Sometimes the choices are between living with dust bunnies or having a spotless house or deciding between cooking a great meal or running out for fast food. (It’s usually a toss up around here on both counts).

I had my own choices to make this weekend.  Since I was feeling overwhelmed this week, Denise asked me if I could shorten Robert’s weekend visit. What if he came over for just one night instead of two or three?

For some reason, this option hadn’t occurred to me but just knowing I could make that choice made me feel better. I don’t have to be “all in” every weekend. Why not leave my options open? I knew I had several writing projects to work on and a couple to finish, I was feeling extremely disorganized and I needed some relaxation time, too.

I need to make some choices but I do have options (of course, some people have a different caregiving situation and do not have many options to choose from).

I asked New Home for enough meds for a three-day visit but told them I may bring Robert back early. I chose to pick up Robert later on Saturday than normal (which was made more challenging when he made the unusual move to call me that morning to ask if I could pick him up earlier than I had planned). I told him “no” and kept to my plan to pick him up later in the afternoon. He reluctantly accepted my answer but was perfectly happy when I arrived to pick him up.

As far as keeping the visit short, we chose to keep him at our house over the long weekend but it was nice having an option to cut the visit short.

I explained to Robert on Monday (I had the day off of work) that I had to work on my projects and he would have to watch television or work on his word search puzzle. Robert didn’t mind those options at all (he loves both activities) and was pleased just to be at our house surrounded by family and our animals that he’s come to enjoy.

In fact, Robert became so hooked on a “Bonanza” marathon he asked if he could eat the burger and fries in front of the TV! So much for my thinking he needs to be entertained.

As far as Robert’s choice: Once he realized I wasn’t going to change my mind, he chose Rocky Road Ice Cream for dessert.

Good choice.  I went for Mint Chocolate Chip myself! 

“Caregiving is not easy. I can’t imagine care-receiving is either.”

Dana, a new blogger on Caregiving.com, (Welcome Dana!) made the above comment and it reminded me of one of the “joys” of sandwich caregiving especially when your kids are teenagers. My kids see my parents and have heard our family history (on both sides of the family we live a long time (90′s-100′s) and die with dementia). My kids are waiting for me to become my parents; in fact they have already begun plotting.

My son and daughter talk about what they intend to do with me in my senior years when I’m “forgetful and helpless”. They’ve already made passionate promises about how they’re going to take care of me, wheel me around in my chair and how I’ll never have to go into a nursing home.

I would almost think of it as thoughtful, except that they:

(a) like to do it in front of me… as if I’m not in the room and

(b) believe that the forgetful and helpless part has already started to happen.

My response usually runs along the likes of the famous Bill Cosby line, “…I brought you into this world and I can still take you out!”

It does make me wonder however, if this is how my parents felt as my brother, sister and I began our “plot” as we observed changes in Mom and Dad and wondered what to do about it. Our parents later encouraged us to do exactly that, to begin planning, not realizing we had begun several years prior behind their backs. Their parenting style did not lend toward making this a corroborative effort. It was always going to “us vs them” but at least at one point, on some level, they recognized that the need existed.

Care receiving isn’t easy. No one grows up planning on becoming a care receiver. Yet for most of us, that is what we have to look forward to. Fortunately with us aging Baby Boomers, the financial and estate aspects of getting older are getting overdue attention but perhaps more needs to be said about our attitudes as well. How good are we at allowing others to help us?

My kids and I talk about this. I assured them that I’m going to be as stubborn and difficult as possible.  :-)

Still, it’s disconcerting to have your kids hover around you, looking for any sign of degradation. But while they’re watching me for any signs that I’ve become my parents, I’m watching them daily become me.

And they don’t understand why I look at them and smile.

Many of you know that last summer I was so fed up with New Home and Robert’s inadequate care, my family and I decided to convert our garage so Robert could live with us.

It seemed like such a simple idea . . .

Hubby and I discussed converting the garage without a permit but since we were installing a new bathroom with a shower and not just constructing walls and plopping a bed in the garage, it seemed prudent to obtain the permit. That was my first mistake!

Hubby went to the permit counter of our little city and was told unless we could provide two covered parking spaces on the side of our house, garage conversions were not allowed. “Even though it will be for my disabled brother-in-law?” Hubby asked. “Yep,” was the reply.

After much research and me showing the permit department their own “Reasonable Accommodation” code, they relented. We had to jump through quite a few hoops and agree to follow every building code in order to receive a building permit. We also had to agree to convert the garage back to the original state if Robert moved out or we sold the house (yes, that means removing the shower & toilet & windows & walls) but we agreed. After two months, we got our planning permit.

It took two months because we were the first people in our city to ask for such a thing so the agreement had to be created from scratch and attorneys had to be consulted but, if nothing else, at least the city now knows they have a Reasonable Accommodation code they have to follow and they won’t turn away others seeking to provide housing for their disabled relative.

Next up: Building permit.

Our “simple” project became quite complicated in a very short amount of time. The wall we originally planned to install windows in (as well as the a/c unit) was a structural wall. Apparently, with a two story house, you just can’t cut holes into any old wall that may be holding up the second story (good thing I’m not in construction).

We had to track down original building drawings or spend thousands to have an architectural engineer do load calculations on the wall (which meant measuring the entire house – no small expense).

The original building drawings were not available. Our city wasn’t a city when our house was built so they didn’t have our plans. The county didn’t have them either because they no longer have plans for us since we’re now in an incorporated city (can you say “run around.”) We could go to the original builder to try to find them but most likely they wouldn’t have them since our house was built 15 years ago.

Our contractor thought it would be simpler to remove the garage and install windows and a door instead of worrying about the structural wall. We met with the city about their exiting and light requirements which, in order to meet these, meant large windows and a large door in place of the garage door. (Remember, this all has to be removed if Robert ever moves out in keeping with our planning permit agreement). I didn’t like the appearance of it and all these windows were increasing the cost but knew it was the only option.

Our water heater which sits quietly in our garage suddenly becomes a health hazard sitting in a bedroom. We would have to either enclose it (with a steel door) or buy a new one and install it outside. The a/c unit would have caused its own problems but we have friends who were giving us a deal.

With the rising cost of this project, permit fees are rising as well.

Hubby’s brothers are both handy so they were going to help with the construction which would save some money. As an added bonus, one of hubby’s brothers is an electrician who could help do any electrical work.

How fantastic is that? Wonderful, except when you have to comply with the electrical requirements in order to get this building permit. We need arc-fault something or other for all the electrical outlets in the new room which means adding space to the electrical panel for the house. We need to add the a/c unit to the panel, too.

We quickly learned we have a very small panel with no room to add anything.

We got quotes on a brand new electrical panel. Brother-in-law referred us to someone who could help since he usually works commercial and we needed a residential expert. After reviewing the electrical panel, the electric company “box” which feeds the box was nowhere to be found.

SMUD came out to trace where the box is and found it buried under cement. It’s a long story but it’s been buried since we moved in.

We have to break up concrete in our driveway to get to the electrical box to upgrade the wires in order to upgrade the electrical panel in order to provide a/c and arc fault whatevers for the “simple” garage conversion!

The cost of this project has tripled before construction begins. I am not naïve enough to think the cost would not increase even more once we actually started construction.

I hate to admit defeat but the electrical panel problem pushed me over the edge.

At this point, our best bet is to hope the housing market rebounds a little so we can sell our house and buy a one story with an extra bedroom. Then, we can move Robert in with us.

In the meantime, he stays with us on the weekends and sleeps in the nice sofa sleeper we have for him and I watch New Home like a hawk so Robert gets quality care the rest of the week.

I intended to do 2011 reflections on December 31. A reasonable date for such things. However, between hubby’s surgery, bringing Robert to our house for the long New Year’s weekend and being just a tad tired, reflections  got moved to 2012.  Reflections at the end of 2012 just may get moved to 2014. It’s hard to predict but be prepared.

I was a little apprehensive going into 2011. Just days before, I had turned 50 and I was disappointed I hadn’t yet published the book I was working on for so long. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my 50th birthday with a family celebration in my favorite place – Disneyland (too bad I didn’t know G-J then!) but  I was being hard on myself for not finishing the book.

Heck, I had worked on it for only ten years, maybe I should have been easier on myself. 

I wasn’t sure what the new decade would have in store for me but I knew I was happy with my family, I was committed to caring for Robert, and I was employed. I am thoroughly grateful for all of that.

To my delight, 2011 brought so much goodness that I almost feel guilty about it! It also brought some difficulties but that is to be expected (this is life, after all).

The good stuff first (in no particular order):

1. I met some amazing caregivers through caregiving.com (you guys!). I accidentally found this site at the beginning of the year when I was trying in earnest to link my blog to related sites in order to grow my readership. Caregiving.com isn’t a site to link personal blogs but instead offers opportunities to write about our caregiving situations and to develop friendships and gain strength and inspiration. I also got a few tips on incontinence. It’s pretty awesome.

2. My blog was picked up by Sacramento Connect which is a network of local bloggers through the local paper, The Sacramento Bee. Heidi (Atticus Uncensored) kept reading my posts and leaving me comments. She loved reading the blog and she wasn’t even a relative!  We became online friends (and then realized, hey, we’re in the same city, we could become actual real-life friends). So we did.

3. Heidi introduced me to a group of inspirational people who are entrepreneurs, artists, moms and bloggers and asked me to join their Facebook blogging group. I learn something from this group of talented people every time I read their blogs and am grateful to have them as readers of my blog. (If any of you have your own personal blog, please let me know if you’re interested in joining the group and I’ll have them add you).

4. I published my book!!!  Much love and gratitude goes to my hubby, my daughter, Joelle Stone and our very own Denise for their undying support and gentle (well, sometimes not so gentle – you know who you are) nudging for me to get this done. And, it only took me ten years instead of eleven .  .  .

5. I learned about epilepsy. Being the older sister of my 46-year-old brother who has lived with epilepsy his entire life, you’d think that would be impossible. It wasn’t! I had a lot to learn and met some remarkable people (and organizations) along the way. My own personal challenge to complete 30 days of epilepsy awareness was something I was extremely proud to complete and am already looking forward to doing it again this November.

6. Robert moved from a Residential Care Facility for the Elderly to a smaller, more age appropriate group home. (As you all know, it turned out to hardly be a perfect fit but we’re working on that).

7. I became a Staff Writer for a caregiver magazine and branched out to another website to write as well (getting paid to write – wow!  A dream come true). It’s a small start but I am thrilled to have to list some writing income on my taxes! (Note to the IRS: it’s a very small start).

8. I was interviewed a few times by Denise on Blog Talk Radio and was so nervous the first time I wouldn’t let anyone tell me if they would be listening (not even my own family who secretly listened in another room). I sat in my home office, closed the door and talked with Denise, pretending it was just me and her on the phone. I was so nervous I actually thought there was a good possibility I would pass out during the 30 minute interview (I didn’t; thanks for asking). I was grateful I couldn’t be seen because I’m pretty sure my proclivity to blush when nervous would have been quite evident.

9. 2011 was also full of reminders of what a wonderful, beautiful family I am blessed with. We laugh, we enjoy time with each other (most of the time) and, most of all, love each other no matter what.

2011 had its difficulties (the big ones were extraordinarily heart-wrenching work decisions and health problems for my beloved mother-in-law) but I would like to let those difficulties stay in 2011 and focus on the positive moving into 2012.

Wishing all of you a very happy and joyous new year filled with great possibilities for love, friendships and success (and many laughs along the way). I’m happy to have all of you as part of my family.

Confession:  After Robert woke up from his nap this afternoon and ate some candy from his stocking, I asked him to finish his last Christmas card.

Yes, I know today is Christmas.

He agreed to finish them in the car (big mistake and my apologies to cousin Adam if Robert’s handwriting is a bit difficult to read – bumpy roads combined with my driving aren’t very conducive to easy writing in the car).

We got to the church before he could finish the second one so it stayed in my purse until Robert came over again this weekend. Even I didn’t think it would be okay for him to finish the last one during the church program (plus, the lights were out most of the time . . .).

So, yes, on Christmas, Robert finished his last card. I actually may have him do a few more just to get a head start on next year! (Okay, I kid).

I am grateful the cards are finished but I’m also grateful for a Christmas season filled with love, happiness, family and friends. There has been so much laughter with our daughter who helped with the Christmas lights and assisted with shopping. I am grateful for our other daughter for being a wiz in the kitchen and supplying us with delicious treats (and giving me a reason to join a gym in 2012!). Both are busy with work and school and their own friends but find the time to be with family. Our son seems to have turned a new leaf since he realizes he’ll be leaving for boot camp in five weeks and is (gasp) actually fun to be around (and seems to  be more on board with making good decisions). Hubby and I have been enjoying working as a team in our usual Christmas roles (I shop; he wraps – we do make a great team!) and Robert hasn’t been in the hospital for quite some time due to illness or falls (knock on wood).

I am grateful Hubby’s family, Robert and all the kids joined us today for a Christmas morning filled with laughter and way too many breakfast treats. Other Brother and his family are visiting tomorrow so the Christmas fun and treats will continue for another day.

(I definitely need to join a gym or invest in more sweat pants.)

I hope your Christmas was as delightful as ours.  Just one word of advice: take it from me, you may want to get started on your Christmas cards tomorrow…

It’s been a busy month! This is the busy time of year at work which coincides nicely with the busy time of year in my personal life – add in a dash of taking Robert to neurology appointments, dealing with contractors and electricians and permits (which may all be for naught – it’s a long story and I’ll have to explain in a different post but the garage conversion has turned into being much, much more expensive and problematic than originally thought).

Forget about all that – it’s Christmas!

Christmas cards may be a work in progress right now but one thing we do have finished: our decorations (which is no small feat). Our tree, despite a rocky start,  looks very festive and is just waiting for presents to be wrapped and put around it (still on our list). Indoor decorations can be checked off the list (as soon as I unpack those kitchen boxes). Every inch of the house is covered with garland or snowmen or candles or countdown calendars (holiday bonus – the decorations do a fantastic job of covering up the dust).

The finishing touches were put on the outside decorations yesterday (I love crossing things off my list!). Aside from needing a permit to display thousands of lights (I kid – a little garage conversion humor), the lights went up fairly smoothly aside from many of them not working this year and having to make numerous runs to the local Holiday Decorations/Cat Food store (otherwise known as Target).

Yes, we made another trip to Target yesterday before we could finish. . .

But they are finished!! (Unless I find something else at Target too cute to pass up).  Hmm, I may have a problem.  Is there Christmas Decorating Rehab?

Well, before I am “cured” of decorating too much, enjoy the video of our outside décor. (If I knew what I was doing in taking videos, I’d add a bit of holiday music and maybe Photoshop some snow into the picture but since I don’t you will have to imagine “Frosty the Snowman” playing in the background and a blanket of snow on our green, Northern California, grass.)

Mom and Dad seemed to push all of my emotional buttons today during my visit with them.  Dad is increasingly tired and now having trouble just sitting up.  He speaks when spoken to but when he opens his eyes there is no sense of recognition.  When asked who I am, he just stares blankly.  He hasn’t spoken my name in a several months.

Mom was her usual vocal self but today she peppered me with questions… about loved ones who are all dead.  She asked about her parents, her sisters, my wife and my brother.  She looked over at Dad and mis-indentified him as her sister.  Mom then began an extensive line of questions asking me about, my ‘mother’.  “Do you have a mother?”  “Where is your mother?”  “I haven’t seen your mother in a long time.”

I tried to asure her that my mother was very close by to which Mom answer, “oh yeah, I waved at her.”  :-/

In between Mom carried on her usually line of thought regarding going home.  And that was what was most disturbing, Dad is always content wherever he is.  Today for the first time, he too talked about going home.

This was balanced by an unintentional but very welcome gift from my two children.  One evening last week while I was out they rummaged through the house looking for something for a project of theirs.  They unearthed instead some CD’s.  The CDs were recordings made by my wife in the summer before her death.  I knew about the recordings but had been unable to find them and assumed they were lost forever.  Now I can hear my wife’s beautiful soprano voice as I have not been able to in over five years.  I told the kids I have my Christmas gift.

Just a typical week in my single parent, Sandwich caregiving world, when things are going good with the kids, my parents present a challenge.  When my parents are having a good week, the kids usually are not.  Add in working full-time and well… I’m never bored.

Because of my recent past, I usually don’t look forward to the holidays and Christmas espcially.  Don’t know what’s ahead, Dad in particular has me concerned but this year I am more optimistic than I’ve been in awhile.  A good blog party is going to help.

[1 Thess 5:16-18a]

The past month has given me much to be thankful for…

I am thankful for the legacy my brother has left me.

I am thankful that I got to see him just before his death.

I am thankful for my best friend’s young son walked up and gave me a hug at my brother’s memorial service.

I am thankful for the opportunity to love on my grieving family.

I am thankful that I have my brother’s old Navy dogtags, his pipe and a sweater of his three sizes too big for me.

I am thankful that my Dad has a 90 year old heart working just fine in his 90 yr old body.

I am thankful that although my Dad doesn’t know who I am, he calls me his friend.

I am thankful that my Mom thinks I’m her nephew… which means I’m still on the family tree. 

I am thankful that of this month my parents have been married 66 years.

I am thankful for the little boy who came to my door on his first Halloween and gave ME candy out of his tiny bag.

I am thankful for the opportunity this week to mark five years since my wife’s death.

I am thankful for the things I have learned these past five years, I have changed.  Ok, I am thankful for my gray hair too.

I am thankful that my kids and I marked this year’s anniversary with joy and laughter.

I am thankful that I have a bottle of my wife’s favorite cologne and it still smells good, it smells like her.

My life has plenty of challenges, I’m learning to be thankful because of them.

Robert finished high school and even took a few community college courses many, many years ago. Now, he falls asleep reading a book after two pages (I’m trying to not take that personally since it was my book) but he can finish word search puzzles like there’s no tomorrow.  Most days he can’t remember what he had for lunch and sometimes he even forgets he ate lunch (even though he always enjoys eating it).

Robert was able to ride bikes when we were kids, figure out the bus system as he got older (he never was allowed to drive although our dad let him drive once because he was irresponsible that way) and was able to walk for miles to the mall or to the movies.

Today, he uses a walker to keep his balance, drags his right foot while walking and occasionally (okay, often) trips.

For many years, Robert was able to manage his own medications (taking them and picking them up from the pharmacy) and all of his doctor appointments. That would be virtually impossible today and so he has people give him his meds on time and I take him to his appointments.

The decline in his motor function and cognitive ability has been dramatic when comparing him at age 20 to now at age 46.

I want to know why. Is it the uncontrolled seizures? They can, after all, cause brain damage. Is it all the head injuries? Perhaps the medications are clouding his “normal” functioning? Maybe it’s something else completely.

Robert’s neurologist gave us a referral to a Memory Specialist and to a Neuropsychologist. The appointment with the Memory Specialist was on Halloween; we see the Neuropsych in a couple of weeks.

We (as in I) filled out a lengthy form before the visit and answered a gazillion (I counted) questions about family history, present behavior, past accidents and surgeries, current medications and goodness knows what else.

The Memory Specialist arrived in the tiny exam room with another neurologist and a med student. The three of them sat across from us and asked Robert several questions, glancing over in my direction every now and then for confirmation of his answers. They asked him to remember three words but he only remembered one after being given multiple choice answers. He couldn’t remember the city he lived in but remembered his brother lived in Danville. He knew the date but thought it was Sunday instead of Monday. He didn’t know the party affiliation of the president but guessed it was “the American party.” He did some math problems (subtracting backwards, mainly) and I was a little worried about this section myself (because, of course, I was silently answering all the questions and remembering all the words just to be sure I could).

Robert was asked to write a sentence. I had no idea what he would write or if he would be able to do so and I was fretting like he was taking the SAT and his college career depended on it, but as I glanced over at his glacially slow handwriting, I saw a sentence take shape. “God loves you.”

Of course. What else would he write except maybe, “God Bless You?”

The doctor then did the physical exam and it became very obvious very quickly that Robert has a huge vision gap on his right side (that explains so much – running into people, doors, anything on his right side!).  The field of vision on Robert’s right side is so compromised that he couldn’t see the doctor’s fingers when he held them up. This was probably the most useful information I got out of the appointment because it’s information all of us can use in order to help Robert make safe decisions when walking around. Heads up to those visiting: Don’t stand to his right!

The appointment lasted much longer than anyone expected (close to three hours). The neurologist repeated several times that Robert is a “unique” case. He finally told me that he doesn’t think Robert has dementia because he scored a 21 – 24 out of 30 on the dementia test they were performing (from what I understand, 30 is normal). My research indicates this is mild dementia but the doctor doesn’t really think that’s what Robert has going on.

Because Robert’s case is so unique, the doctor thinks Robert has three to four things at work. The uncontrolled seizures and the medication can certainly be contributing to his cognitive and physical impairment but he also thinks Robert is showing signs of Atypical Parkinsonism. The symptoms are like Parkinson’s disease but “atypical” because that isn’t the primary diagnosis. There could be several factors underlying this condition.

The appointment left me with more questions instead of explaining what is going on with Robert and pinpointing “this one thing” that we could fix. I know it’s crazy but some part of me still wishes for a magic diagnosis and solution that would help Robert. This magic solution would stop his seizures and stop his cognitive and physical decline.

I told you it was crazy.

The doctor didn’t make any changes to his medications (actually, I’m relieved about that since we’ve had so many bad experiences when the meds change). The doctor wants to see him again in a year to do these tests again and compare the results.

In the meantime, we’ll see the Neuropsychologist later this month and we’ll see what magic she may hold.

It’s hard to let go of crazy.