Taking On Your Responsibilities

This morning, Anna Stookey joined me on Your Caregiving Journey to talk about responsibilities—and how not to take on the ones that aren’t ours. You can listen to our show via the player below. Dictionary.com define responsible as “answerable or accountable, as for something within one’s power, control, or management.” The key component of this definition, Anna said, is the second...

Goldilocks

It’s been a while since I posted but I was letting The Meeting simmer for a while. (These feelings probably also contributed to being a bit too harsh on my wayward son). After a week of reflection, I have decided it is in Robert’s best interest to move him. Again. You might be thinking there is just no pleasing me (which, if you ask New Home – or Old Home for that matter – that might be their answer)....

Tell Us: What’s It Like for You With Family?

Caringlizi, one of our members, wrote yesterday: Dealing with my husband’s progressing brain tumor is bad enough, but I just don’t know what to do with his family.  I feel so invisible at times, bullied at others.  Not sure if I want to hide in the closet or yell. Can anybody relate? Sometimes, managing the family (yours, your caree’s) can seem like managing a regiment of complicated...

There’s Always One More Thing

I remember thinking that I would never again book three appointments in one week because it made me crazy. Never say never. This past week I had three appointments before Friday, when I had five on one day. Needless to say, I took the entire day off from work to do this. On Monday, I took time to turn in my retirement paperwork. I felt such an overwhelming sense of relief and lightness once I did this. My official...

What Will You Smile About Today?

This morning, on Your Caregiving Journey, Kathy joined me for Table Talk. You can listen to our show via the player below. You’ll love listening to Kathy, who shared her perspective on how to stay in a good place in her caregiving role. Her perspective helps her manage those tough moments and days. We spoke about Kathy’s post a few weeks ago, when she wrote: “We have reached the end of our going....

Tell Us: What Fear Have You Conquered?

I think that caregiving can be one of life’s most fearful experiences. There’s so much to fear because it feels like there’s so much to lose: Your caree’s health, your health, your caree’s money, your money. It’s all very scary. Think back, though, to how you were before caregiving. Think about a fear you had. Do you still have that fear? Chances are, you’ve conquered it...

Can I Have My Brother, Please? Please?

New Home is starting to really get on my bad side. That’s not a good side to be on (just ask my hubby!) .  We got through the medication issues and New Home seems to be giving Robert his medicine when he’s supposed to have it. I haven’t seen the extreme seizure activity that he had and that’s the best way of confirming what they’re telling me. I also think I have finally convinced them to change his...

Evaluating the Caregiving State of Affairs

(Editor’s Note: Today’s guest post comes from SeniorsforLiving.com’s Michelle Seitzer. Before committing to life as a full-time freelance writer, Michelle spent 10 years in the senior living and advocacy world, serving in various roles at assisted living communities throughout Pennsylvania and Maryland, and leading the charge for Alzheimer’s as a public policy coordinator for the Pennsylvania chapters...

Electrical Storms

I love a good Midwestern thunderstorm. The air so still it quiets the neighbor’s dog. Lightening flashes so bright they illuminate the entire sky. Thunder booming so loud you can feel it in your chest. Electrical storms in the brain, I can do without. Robert moved out of his Old Home and we have said goodbye to inattention, high staff turnover and a few unnamed folks so uncomfortable with seizures they asked him...

Robert Has Moved!

Robert moved in to his new place today. I was very worried about the move (did I pick the right place for him? Will he like it? How will he adjust to having a roommate?). Robert was excited. He told everyone at his Old Home that he was moving, when he was moving and that there would be people his “own age there.” My husband and I arrived at breakfast to get Robert all packed up. Robert enjoyed a leisurely...

Change

In a caregiving role, change means something kinda awful. Your caree has a change in condition, which impacts both of you in really sad and difficult ways. Your family changes because of the caregiving experience, which leaves you feeling lonely and alone. You change because of caregiving, perhaps becoming someone you no longer recognize (and, sometimes, like). So it’s understandable that you may view...

Be a Leader in Your Caregiving Role

Last May, Ellen Rogin, our wealthness expert, shared tips to help us be a leader with our money. I love this idea of taking the lead in aspects of life. Why not look at ways you can be a leader in your caregiving role? Here goes: L: Let go. Let go of what went wrong yesterday. Let go of what you can’t control. Let go of the “shoulds” (what you should do, say; what others should do, say). Hold onto...

What’s Your Favorite Caregiving Memory (So Far)?

Caregiving can seem to make a mess. It can leave your life in shambles, end friendships and free time, replace light-heartedness with heartache. It also makes memories, memories you can cherish today and tomorrow. Today on Your Caregiving Journey, Karen joined me for Table Talk. We spoke about her caregiving experiences (she cares for her mother and brother) as she works a full-time job. (You can listen to our...

When We Age, Do We Evolve from Doing to Just Being?

The New York Times New Old Blog featured an interview yesterday with Lars Tornstam, a Swedish sociologist. Dr. Tornstam provides a glimpse into life at eighty, reports Paula Span: An increased need for solitude, and for the company of only a few intimates, is one of the traits Dr. Tornstam attributes to this continuing maturation. So that elderly mother isn’t deteriorating, necessarily — she’s...

Extreme Extremes

Fellow Caregivers – I hope this finds you all well; emotions balanced and your mood light. Are you strong in mind, body and spirit? Most days I am able to exist in these places; at least for some part of the day. As in most things, success is realized on some days more so than others. In reality, I doubt this differs much from the average Joe/Jane – BUT, I do feel like my extremes are, well, much...

Tell Us: What Change Stands Out This Holiday Season?

Change is the constant in caregiving. And, it’s not just changes from day to day; often, changes occur one minute to the next. When you’re close to these changes, you may adjust to them without much thought. Until a milestone, like the holiday season, happens. And, then you think: Wow! It’s all different now. So, tell us: What’s different for you (and your care recipient) this holiday...

Older Job-Hunters Need New Attitudes, Specific Skills, Fresh Expectations

A new study from the MetLife Mature Market Institute reports that many Americans over the age of 55 plan to work at least until age 69, but that most who look for a job face challenges in finding one. Yet, Department of Labor projections indicate that the 55+ population will account for almost 93% of the net increase in the U.S. Civilian Labor Force between 2006-2016. The research found in Buddy, Can You Spare a...

The Ethics of Caregiving: Navigating The Shades Of Grey

Ethics: A set of principles of right conduct. A theory or a system of moral values: “An ethic of service is at war with a craving for gain” (Gregg Easterbrook). The study of the general nature of morals and of the specific moral choices to be made by a person; moral philosophy. The rules or standards governing the conduct of a person or the members of a profession. Your spouse has advanced Alzheimer’s...

Resources for Managing Dementia’s Difficult Behaviors

Yesterday, Jeannie Keenan of My Health Care Manager joined us for our monthly discussion on Your Caregiving Journey. You can listen to our show via the player, below. We mentioned the following resources on our show: The Alzheimer’s Project; you can watch the series online. The UCSF Memory and Aging Center has a YouTube channel to educate family caregivers about dementia. Coach Broyles’ Playbook: The Playbook...

She Says She’s Reached Her Limit

Dear Denise, I need advice. My father had a stroke 4 years ago that left him unable to speak (though he understands everything he is unable to speak or write) and his right arm is paralyzed. He was only 60. He has been able to do most things for himself during this time (walking, dressing, eating, etc.) My mother has taken care of him during this time, but she has had a lot of caregiver stress. Recently, he was...

They Won’t Listen!

Dear Denise: Where to begin… My mother-in-law was recently diagnosed with ALS; she is approx. 75 years old (none of us know her real age, this should provide a good hint to where the rest of this is going). She has four daughters (one in Florida, the rest here in Indianapolis) and one son and lives in her home with her husband who can get around fairly well. The family dynamics are too detailed to get into...

The Clenched Fist

On last Friday’s talk show, Ellen Rogin and I had an interesting discussion that involved a clenched fist. Ellen used the image of a fist closed to illustrate how we can keep abundance away. If we keep our fist closed, hanging on for dear life to what we have, we lose the opportunity to receive. When we keep our hands closed, how can we possibly receive? Ellen encouraged us to find a balance, closing our...