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Home > Tag Archives: Weekly Comforts

Tag Archives: Weekly Comforts



During caregiving, you can feel like you make one unpopular decision after another. Your caree hates each decision. Your family members question each decision you tell them about. Your friends wonder why you just don’t make the decision that would be easiest on you. If you were up for an election, you’d lose in the popular vote. Except that you know, deep down, that caregiving is not a popularity contest. You learned long ago that ... Read More »



I wish we could pick up a guarantee at Target. Just head down the aisle that sells guarantees so on our bad days, when we so fear what could happen next, we simply head to Target and pick up a guarantee so we don’t worry what the next day will bring. If only we could buy a guarantee that tomorrow will always be better, the bank account will always have enough, the opportunities we want ... Read More »



During a stressful, overwhelming, awful time, you can feel like the difficult days will be permanent. Your fate is sealed in cement. Every day will be as trying and frustrating as this day. Stress is terrible for many reasons but especially because it lies to you. It lulls you into believing in its permanence. You’ll never feel better. It will never get better. You’re doomed. The truth is all that bad days are temporary. Sure, ... Read More »



If only your life were a reality television show because then there’d be a chance it wasn’t really real. It’s not that you don’t have parts of your life that you love. You do. It’s just that often you have too many parts of your life which you can’t fit together, which create that awful stress which wakes you at midnight and which cause that pounding headache you can’t shake. So, while some of your ... Read More »



Sometimes, you just don’t think you can look. Because when you look you’ll see the problems, you’ll see what’s going wrong, you’ll see what needs a solution that you simply don’t have or don’t know. So you do your best not to look, to tell yourself that you don’t need to look, that, really, all is okay. Except if you don’t look, the problem grows into one so big you’ll find yourself in a time ... Read More »



In caregiving, you focus on protecting your caree. If only you could protect your heart. So many disappointments pile up during a caregiving experience. Your friends disappear, your family members wipe their hands, health care professionals give you the run-around, you lose chances, your caree declines seemingly happen overnight. With each setback, you feel your heart break off another little piece. To protect more breaks from happening, you may be tempted to harden your heart. ... Read More »



Some days can feel like the ol’ bait and switch. You get lured in, thinking all is going swimmingly and then bam! you can barely keep your head above the water. Then the chastising begins. “I should known better,” you’ll tell yourself. “I should have known this day just could not go right.” And, so they day ends, with you feeling like the little fish that got swallowed up by the big whale. Know that ... Read More »



Some days, you may wonder: Is this my career? Organizing meds? Holding the phone and my temper as I wait and wait for an answer? Filing paperwork that never ends? This is my life’s work? We all want careers which feel fulfilling, challenging, rewarding. We want to climb the corporate ladder, take on more responsibility and bring home more bacon. We want to feel appreciated, to know that our work matters, to feel proud that ... Read More »



Others ask, “How are you?” Of course you say, “Fine.” Because how do you say how you really are? How do you say, “I’m broken. I’m empty. I’m behind.” How do you explain that life has fined you, saddled you with a day that’s too full and a life that’s too bleak? When you’re in the thick of a struggle, you just can’t see fine. You see doubt–in yourself, your abilities, your life. But we ... Read More »



Despite your 24/7 care, your caree can’t get better. Despite your diligent attention, the prescription re-order gets mixed up. Despite your patient explanations, your family’s denial only goes deeper. When all goes wrong, it’s hard not to feel like a failure. It’s difficult not to wonder: Perhaps I’m what’s wrong. Know that you are what’s right in your life. Because of you, the road stays open, the ship keeps its course, the meal makes the ... Read More »



Caregiving can feel like life’s winter–slippery, cold, dark. One long day follows another. It’s so hard to get out to the house much less out of town. The blizzards of bad news block your view of the future. You struggle to warm your freezing heart. When, you wonder, will spring arrive? In other words, you’re looking for your robin, the sign of winter’s end, that warmth and better days will soon be here. Know that ... Read More »



Some days, you have too much steam. So much, it seems, that it comes out of your ears. On those days, it’s the home health aide who shows up late, the medications which never show up, and the phone call from the doctor which doesn’t come that just make too much steam. You’re just so mad at all that goes wrong. And, then you have days when you don’t have enough steam. Your get-up-and-go got ... Read More »



Some days, you wish you could put your foot on the brake. It’s one of those days going so well that you want it to last as long as possible. And, then you have some days when you wish the brake would disappear–it’s going so badly you wish for the day’s end, quickly. Who knew a brake could be a frenemy? When you need the brake, when you want the day to last, take photos, ... Read More »



Some days you just want to save in a bottle. Life feels good, maybe not necessarily normal, but it feels good. No catastrophe, no tears, nothing new to learn. You’d love to bottle the day so you can pull it out on those other days when you feel so bottled up you wonder if you’ll ever be able to catch your breath. On those days, life feels so closed in, like you keep crashing into ... Read More »



Difficult days can seem to bring about a boat load of dysfunction. Family members over-react and second-guess. Health care professionals won’t listen and jump to conclusions. Friends make assumptions based on their experiences, rather than on your day. And then you’ll encounter a few who create a drama better than anything you could see on Broadway. They must be must be right at all costs, which means they try to make us wrong. They throw ... Read More »



Oh, for the days when spur of the moment could be part of the day. When you could pick up your car keys and go. When leaving the house required exactly 30 seconds–15 when you had somewhere wonderful to go. You can remember how wonderful it was to be spontaneous. The end of spur-of-the-moment feels like a bone spur–a part of your life that sticks out and reminds you that you’ve got pain. Longing for ... Read More »



Caregiving can seem like one big numbers game. You can count on one hand how many times another family member has offered to help. You won’t even guess how many handfuls of M&Ms you gulped yesterday. You can’t keep up with the number of doctors’ appointments. You hate to keep track of how many nights you and your caree have spent in the hospital. You dread computing the costs of your caree’s care. The math ... Read More »



Ahhhh, to go to the store. Alone. With time on your side. To be alone in the store and roam and look and admire and try. To be alone in the store just like everyone else, who seem to walk without care through the aisles. Interesting how a store holds such magic now when in the past a store seemed like a chore–a necessity, a tick on the To Do list. Not the land of ... Read More »



Certainly, the end of life worries us. We worry what the end will be like for our caree and for ourselves. But, before that end, we encounter other ends that create just as much internal chaos. Some days, we wonder if we’ve reached our end, as in the end of our rope. The worry about our end when we’re stretched too thin and then required to do more than that. The worry about our end ... Read More »



It seemed like yesterday when you felt like you would burst with excitement about the possibilities for your day, for your tomorrow, for your life. You looked onto an open road, a clear path. Life seemed limitless and full of dreams. And, now, well, the bubble burst; it’s all you can do not to burst into tears. The open road, that clear path, now looks cluttered with too many fallen tree limbs, trapped by stop ... Read More »


Sunrise Over the Atlantic

During a tough time, I find myself searching. It’s like I open a closet door and begin to pull out whatever my hand can reach. I’m not in the closet trying to create order. I’m not looking for an answer. I’m not even interested in finding meaning. I’m looking to feel better. I’m searching for comfort. And, it’s not a comfort like a guarantee that it will all work out. Because a serious setback has ... Read More »



You do your best to stay calm. But so much can go wrong in a caregiving day that’s it’s almost impossible not to panic. You can’t find what you need. You don’t understand what to do. You won’t be able to pay the bills. You can’t get a break. You don’t have enough hours in the day. You won’t be able to enjoy a night out and away from the stress. Your heart races, your ... Read More »