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Tag Archives: conflict

Ten Tips to Effective Communication with Facility Staff

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You’ve recently moved your mom to an assisted living facility. You’re working through the adjustment as best you can. Unfortunately, your mom’s complaints begin to pile up: She eats breakfast too late. She waits too long for help. She hates her roommate. What can you do to ensure your mom has what she needs? These tips can help you communicate effectively with staff: 1. Remember that you and the facility staff are on the same ... Read More »

Hot Topics: When the Doctor Drops Your Caree as a Patient

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Denise asked this question to Richard (@kreisler) and myself after my daughter’s cardiologist dropped her as his patient.  It was a great discussion and I appreciate Denise using this as a topic. Click on the player below to listen to the show and as always leave your comments below. Hugs:o) Jane ~ The Roving Reporter Check Out Caregiving Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with Denise Brown on BlogTalkRadio Related articles Dating During Caregiving… (caregiving.com) Your ... Read More »

Why Did You Put Me Here?

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Amy cared her mom, Edith, at home until, well, her life fell apart. First, Amy lost her job. Then, she lost her home to foreclosure. She knew she could live temporarily with a friend. Obviously, her mom, with her care needs, couldn’t move in with Amy’s friend. So, Amy and Edith looked at skilled nursing facilities together and selected one they both felt could meet Edith’s needs. To say it’s been a difficult transition would ... Read More »

Speechless

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“My goal is to live until our son turns 18.” “13 months from now? Is there something you’re not telling me?” “Well, I didn’t expect to be on disability at 55, and I think it’s important for a child to have their parents until they are 18, don’t you?” I was quite a sight with my mouth open like a fish’s and tears spilling out of my eyes. “Frankly, I’m speechless. My goal is to ... Read More »

Not My Responsibility

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Part of the challenge of caring for my partner has had to do with setting limits and saying “no.” Over the years I’ve learned to do this, more or less, with claiming time and space for myself. Given her neurological-mixed-with-mental illnesses, I can exercise only so much influence. Most times I have to back away, detach, and keep reminding myself that the only behavior I can control is my own. But there is a fuzzy ... Read More »

Who Stands By You When it Hits the Fan? (Literally)

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Here in Northern California it has been really hot. Unfortunately some days my mom, Grace, closes her vents if the air is on. She is always cold and wears layers of clothes that we have to peel off her at least four times a day. I try to explain to her that she will have a heat stroke  if she wears multiple  jackets and sweaters but she continues to dress like a Eskimo. At times ... Read More »

“The More I Think About This…

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…the more I think I should just stay here,” Lois tells her wide-eyed daughter, Mary. Mary wants to scream. Instead, she gets up and walks into the kitchen, praying for patience. Lois is scheduled to move into an assisted living facility in a week. It’s taken Mary almost two years to get her mom to this day in time–almost there. Two years ago, a midnight fall resulted in a broken ankle. Lois went from hospital ... Read More »

How Do You Know When It’s Time?

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Beth began caring for her mom in 2002, after mother’s stroke. Over the years, a few family members regularly warned Beth that she must be careful the situation doesn’t become too much for her, her husband and their three children. The warnings created huge worries for Beth. How do I know when it’s too much for me?, she asked me. How do I know when it’s time for my mom to go to a nursing ... Read More »

Tackling the Driving Dilemma

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Several years ago, I attended a conference sponsored by a local university which researches Alzheimer’s disease. The conference included a panel discussion with individuals diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. The panelists answered questions about their disease process, their day and their perspectives. I still remember one particular panelist. She spoke about her family’s support and then said, “There’s that situation with the car. They won’t let me drive.” She talked about leaving her job and ... Read More »

Dead or Alive

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As an observant Jew, life is most precious. Even Jewish laws are allowed to be broken  if it has the potential to save a life. So as one who struggles with depression and with the caregiving of my Dad, I often ponder about the quality of life. My dad wants to die. He has openly expressed that and repeats it often. He makes his choices on how to live his life and I can understand ... Read More »

Not My Best Week

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First, the short form.  I posted the following in last Tuesday’s New Member Chat: A good night’s sleep will set me right.  We’ve been through 8 hours in the ER (partner scratched the inside of her ear with her fingernail and panicked; didn’t want to wait to see GP), followed by a ride on the Dementia Express. Partner says the ER nurse is an undercover cop who wanted to arrest her because the salt she ... Read More »

Is Caregiving a Burden?

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The research released Thursday by Pew Research Center has still been getting a lot of press coverage. It’s always interesting to read how the press describes what you do. Once in awhile, the word “burden” will be used; “caregiving burden” a reporter will write. I’m curious how you feel about the word burden as it relates to caregiving. Do you feel burdened? Do you like to be able to use the word “burden” to describe ... Read More »

Full Moon

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It was obvious that there was a full moon recently.  There has been a slight change in things, but I don’t know if it’s temporary or permanent, which adds to the challenge. Saturday morning the three of us were talking. Our son said something and repeated it and Steve still didn’t seem to hear it so I said it louder. Steve told me not to yell, and said that if I don’t want to answer ... Read More »

Tips for Avoiding the Family Feud

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How do you avoid a family feud during caregiving, an experience that seems to bring out the worst in the family? The National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers (NAPGCM) asked its members–professionals who work with older people, people with disabilities and families who need assistance with caregiving issues–that very question (How do you avoid a family feud during caregiving?). The top five tips from the surveyed geriatric care managers include: 1.    Give each family member ... Read More »

The Test

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Tomorrow I’m having a colonoscopy. From here on out we’re referring to it as The Test because c-o-l-o-n-o-s-c-o-p-y is too much to type. This has been scheduled since early last month. I let Steve and our son know and had already arranged for a friend to take me for the appointment. She’s not a morning person, yet, she’s picking me up at 7:15 tomorrow morning. What a friend! Most of the time, Steve’s memory issues ... Read More »

Tell Us: Why Do You Do This?

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On Monday, I presented the keynote at Care and Connect, the annual conference sponsored by Alzheimer’s Association, Delaware Valley Chapter.  I presented The Caregiving Years, Six Stages to a Meaningful Journey, which walks you through the caregiving experience, from when you first worry a family member (or friend) may need your help to after your caree’s death. Because my presentation lasted 90 minutes, I gave everyone a break 45 minutes into my speech. The break, ... Read More »

Is It Right If It Could Be Wrong?

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On Tuesday morning, Anna Stookey joined me for our monthly chat on Your Caregiving Journey. On this show, we discussed this question: How do I make a decision that could be right for me but perhaps wrong for my caree? You can listen to our show via the player, below. (Note: You’ll hear that I wasn’t feeling well during our show–I’m better today–and we lost Anna at the end of the show because her phone ... Read More »

To Everything Turn, Turn, Turn: The Darker Side of My Caregiving Journey

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To everything there is a season. Twists and turns. Times when the bond between me and my loved one (my caree/wife) is deep and other times when it is constricted and vapid. Such has been the recent case. However, it’s been a pattern for a long time, exacerbated dramatically when I had no choice but to have her placed in a nursing home. She was extremely angry at me. I think she still is deep down. Besides having ... Read More »

Tell Us: Your Secret That’s Got You

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This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Chris joined me to share his secret. You can listen to our show via the player below. During our show, Chris shared that he loved and cared for his partner, Father Orlando, until his death in 2006. For many reasons, he stayed silent about the relationship and the care he provided. His silence, though, kept him from processing the importance of his role and his relationship. When we keep ... Read More »

How Do You Motivate Your Caree?

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Last night on Your Caregiving Journey, our panel of family caregivers joined me to discuss this question: Can you set goals for your caree? You can listen to the insights from Richard, Jane and ejourneys shared during our show via our player below. Our discussion moved from wondering if it’s possible to set to goals, to communicating about goals, to motivating your caree. We spoke about setting goals for appropriate behavior and to improve health. ... Read More »

Competing for Caregiving

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On Thursday morning, Anna Stookey joined me on Your Caregiving Journey. We discussed a topic suggested by a listener: What do we do when we find ourselves competing for caregiving with a family member? You can listen to our show via the player below. We discussed a scenario that could involve a mother and daughter-in-law struggling over their place in caring for their son and husband. Anna said that when we compete over tasks, we’re ... Read More »

Webinar Follow-Up: Which Statement Did You Create?

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Yesterday, I led our free monthly webinar, “Communicating About Caregiving.” During the webinar, I walked you through several scenarios you’ll face during caregiving that require communication. Your emotions may make the communication just too difficult, which is why I helped you create drafts of statements. Creating statements now you can use when a health care professional asks for a decision or a family member acts badly means you can avoid feeling tongue-tied. (Miss the webinar? ... Read More »