Tell Us: When Do You Fib?

I love this comment left by Karen yesterday in response to our request for bathing tips: Way back then, the only thing that would get her in the tub was if I told her she had a doctor appt the next day. That usually did it after coaxing for an hour… Needless to say… I told her that every other day! Those little fibs we have to tell… That’s a very hard thing in itself to deal with initially… You don’t...

Tell Us: What Do You Take Too Seriously?

Heather begins her day the same way: Up at 5:30 a.m., shower, four bites of a granola bar, hair in a headband. Then, she dons the gloves, carefully and steadfastly placing each finger into the latex glove. She’s ready for the part of the day she dreads. She wakes her mom and begins the morning care. Her mom has intensive and extensive care needs, so morning care can take as long as 60 minutes. She guides...

Communicating What’s So Hard to Communicate

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Anna Stookey joined me to continue our conversation about depression. We spoke about how our inability to communicate how we feel can contribute to our feelings of depression. (You can listen to our show via the player below.) Anna and I spoke about how we may have learned, growing up, to remain silent about our feelings. We also may have learned to stifle how we feel. Our...

Goldilocks

It’s been a while since I posted but I was letting The Meeting simmer for a while. (These feelings probably also contributed to being a bit too harsh on my wayward son). After a week of reflection, I have decided it is in Robert’s best interest to move him. Again. You might be thinking there is just no pleasing me (which, if you ask New Home – or Old Home for that matter – that might be their answer)....

Done

You’ll have those days when you want to throw up your hands, scream “I’m Done,” and then just walk out the door, never to return. You’re done with caregiving. It could be that the day just became too much of not enough going well. It could be that the day included unhelpful comments from unsupportive family members. Or, it could be that you couldn’t get out and, wow!, did you...

Tell Us: What’s It Like for You With Family?

Caringlizi, one of our members, wrote yesterday: Dealing with my husband’s progressing brain tumor is bad enough, but I just don’t know what to do with his family.  I feel so invisible at times, bullied at others.  Not sure if I want to hide in the closet or yell. Can anybody relate? Sometimes, managing the family (yours, your caree’s) can seem like managing a regiment of complicated...

The Meeting

(I’m sorry I’m behind on reading all the posts.  I promise to catch up!). The post today is brought to you by the letter “C.” Care Home.  Conflict.  Communication.  Crying (ugh!).  Cautiously optimistic. New Home called me earlier this week to schedule a meeting.  Those involved in the meeting would be the Nurse, House Manager, supervisor of house manager, supervisor of the supervisor of the...

Dear New Home:

Who decided it would be a good thing to treat the family of one of your residents as if they were someone to be patted on the head and told, “There, there.  Don’t worry your pretty little head about this.”  Let’s review events since move-in three months ago:  You changed his medication schedule because it would be more convenient for you (and, oops! surprise! he had more seizures!).  You...

Caregiving. Again.

On Friday, Kim Atchley, coauthor of When Your Aging Parent Needs Care: Practical Help for this Season of Life, joined me on Your Caregiving Journey. Kim cared for her parents. Now, she helps care for her mother-in-law. We spoke about what caregiving is like the second time around. (You can listen to our show via the player below.) During our discussion, Kim said that the first experience helped in that she knew...

You’re the Coach

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Holly, who cares for her husband who has frontotemporal dementia, joined me for Table Talk. She helped to answer the questions: How much do I push my caree? How do I know how much he or she can handle? (You can listen to our show, via the player below.) Holly shared several suggestions, including eliminating a question when assigning tasks. Meaning, instead of asking her...

In Six Words, What’s a Bad Day?

On Saturday, Kathy wrote about her day days, which can be so intense and so lonely they seem to take so much (energy, hope, comfort). Her post made me wonder: How would you describe your bad days in six words? (I’m borrowing a page from Smith Magazine, the home of six-word memoirs.) Your six-word bad day may read like this: I cried. I hid. I cried. or All seems lost; so do I. Perhaps the worst part of bad...

Tangled

Recently, I got a hairbrush tangled in my hair. It was tangled so bad that I thought, Uh, oh, I think I have to cut my hair to untangle this hairbrush. (I used conditioner to dislodge it a bit and then just tugged. I did lose some hair, but I’m no longer wearing a hairbrush.) I got tangled because I used a brush too small for my hair. In life, we get tangled because we have thoughts too small for our good. We...

Tell Us: What Makes You Nervous?

My post earlier this week about nerves struck a nerve with me. And, then after our talk show on worrying with Karol Ward, I really started thinking about nerves. Sometimes, in caregiving, you may fee like you wear kid gloves, walk on egg shells, tip-toe on a tight rope. And, at times, the gloves, eggs and tight-rope come into play because of nerves. How others, such as your caree, may react makes you nervous so you...

Tell Us: What Fear Have You Conquered?

I think that caregiving can be one of life’s most fearful experiences. There’s so much to fear because it feels like there’s so much to lose: Your caree’s health, your health, your caree’s money, your money. It’s all very scary. Think back, though, to how you were before caregiving. Think about a fear you had. Do you still have that fear? Chances are, you’ve conquered it...

Can I Have My Brother, Please? Please?

New Home is starting to really get on my bad side. That’s not a good side to be on (just ask my hubby!) .  We got through the medication issues and New Home seems to be giving Robert his medicine when he’s supposed to have it. I haven’t seen the extreme seizure activity that he had and that’s the best way of confirming what they’re telling me. I also think I have finally convinced them to change his...

When Have You Suffered in Caregiving?

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Anna Stookey joined me to discuss the relationship of pain to suffering. Pain is a part of life; does suffering have to be a part of the pain equation? You can listen to our show via the player below. Caregiving is a painful experience–there’s no doubt about it. When the pain becomes about suffering, then it seems the painful experience takes everything from...

Tell Us: When Does Too Much Feels Like There’s Not Enough?

In Chicago, once we clear away our snow, we bring out our lawn chairs, ironing boards and toys. We clear snow out of parking spaces and, because we don’t want to lose a cleared space, we hold a space with whatever we can find. My street is littered, literally, with old furniture, paint buckets and empty boxes weighed down with snow. We also worry that, because of all the snow, we won’t be able to find a...

Do They Know Your Name?

Carol Levine, a former family caregiver, wrote an opinion piece yesterday called “Health Care Typecasting—”Nobody Knows My Name!”. She writes: I’ve been professionally and personally involved in caregiving for the past 20 years. In that time many family members have told me, “I’m invisible in the hospital/nursing home/rehab facility.” “Invisible,” that is, until it’s...

When Your Caree Is Just Mean, What Do You Do?

Over the past two days, two visitors have asked for our help. Here’s what they said: 1. “What if your recipient does not have Alzheimers?? What if Grama is just spoiled and mean and spiteful to you and other family members. How do we handle this? She is 92. Sharp as a tack..Has all her marbles. She has been spoiled all her life. Was spoiled by our grandfather. Never worked a day in her life. Had a...

Gracious Accountability

This afternoon, on Your Caregiving Journey, Ellen Burton of Tiara Coaching joined us to talk about gracious accountability. In other words, how do you effectively manage the help you receive, whether from family, volunteers or paid professionals? You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. During our discussion, Ellen shared her thoughts about the characteristics of an effective manager. An...

Webinar Follow-Up: What’s Your Take-Away

On Wednesday, we held our free webinar, Healing Family Rifts. If you didn’t have a chance to attend, you can listen to the webinar here. We’d love to know: After listening to the webinar, what’s different for you? Please share in our comments section. Related Articles Webinar Follow-Up: What Steps Will You Take Toward Your Holiday Vision? (caregiving.com) Webinar Follow-Up: Which Wellness Are...

A Holiday Contest: The Craziest Comment from a Family Member

Today, on Your Caregiving Journey, Dr. Eliabeth Lombardo, author of “A Happy You–Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness,” joined us to share tips on how to have happy moments during a holiday season that just seems to be about stress. During our discussion, a visitor to our chat room said she is going to carry a paper and pen during her holiday get-togethers and jot down the odd, bizarre and...