The Power of Requesting Right

This afternoon on Your Caregiving Journey, Beth Ruske, a managing partner at Tiara Coaching, joined us to help us make clearer and more powerful requests for help. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. Beth shared the four reasons that stop women from asking for help: 1. The biggest obstacle is the fear of rejection, of hearing “no.” If a man receives a “no” to his request, he...

Webinar Follow-Up: What Steps Will You Take Toward Your Holiday Vision?

Yesterday, during our free webinar, Say Yes to the Best Holiday Ever By Saying No, you created a vision for a very special time during the holiday season. Then, you committed to taking three actions steps to make your vision a reality. So, I’d love to know, what’s at least one of the steps you’ll take this week? (And, if you want to share your vision for your special time, feel free.) (If you...

Feeling Fear? It’s Natural

I attended a meeting on Monday night about “unfear” led by Karlin Sloan. Karlin, a CEO, author and speaker, spoke about moving from fear as it relates to organizations and leaders. You’re a leader, too, because of your caregiving role. During her presentation, Karlin shared an interesting insight: When we experience change, we automatically experience fear. Have you been wondering why, as your...

Fight

Oh, the fights! You may feel like you fight with your family members, with the health care providers, with the dratted folding wheelchair. The worst fights, though, may be the ones you have with yourself. The internal battles over what’s best, what’s right, and what’s next can exhaust and sometimes paralyze. You may get so caught up in your internal war that you lose sight of your external...

When Were You Happy You Did the Right Thing?

This week, I struggled with doing the right thing. So, on Table Talk today, I shared the five lessons I learned from this week. (You can listen to the show via the player at the bottom of the post.) My five lessons are: 1. The definition of what’s right changes depending on circumstances. For instance, what’s right when your caree can be safe at home is very different from what’s right when your...

What Do You Do So You Won’t Worry?

Last week, Sharon shared her plans to take a break from caregiving and enjoy a Saturday night about with friends. In her comment on our Here We Go! Happy Saturday, Sharon wrote: My goal is to not be thinking about caregiving at all or very little tonight. Thursday night I was also able to go away for awhile also, and I enjoyed it. I had caregiving in the back of my mind a lot of the time, however. I want to...

When Cleaning Out a Caree’s Home, Keep Kindness

Yesterday on Your Caregiving Journey, Julie Hall, author of “The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents’ Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff,” joined us to continue our conversation on cleaning out your caree’s house. (You can listen to the show via the player at the bottom of the post.) Earlier this month, Julie gave us suggestions on how to clean out a house. She left us with this request: Do...

What Would Your Flash Card Read?

I just heard about one of the most interesting products I’ve seen in a long time. Trying to find the right words to tell your partner that you fear the fighting? Well, just grab a flash card from the packet of flash cards you’ve just bought called “Talk to Me Like I’m Someone You Love.” Developed by a psychotherapist, “Talk to Me…”, as its website says, “is a...

In Caregiving, Finding Happiness in the Details

This morning, Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, our happiness expert, joined us to help us understand how we manage our moments of happiness when we may live with (or close to) unhappiness. In other words, how do you manage your caree’s unhappiness? Or, another family caregiver’s unhappiness? (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post). Elizabeth shared great reminders with us: 1. Keep...

Where Matters, Too, When We Die

I think we all hope that we die when we’ve completed our Bucket List, so to speak. That we end just as our work here ends. An article in USA Today yesterday also says that it matters where we die. According to the article, “cancer patients who died in a hospital or intensive care unit suffered more physical and emotional distress than those who died at home with hospice services, according to study of...

Give a Caregiving Conundrum to our Council of Caregivers

It’s hard to feel good about so many decisions you face in your caregiving role. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a sounding board? A group of current and former family caregivers (as well as a few health care professionals) who can offer help as you face a decision? Our Council of Caregivers does that just that. Our Council can help you tackle decisions and worries relating to: Alzheimer’s Family...

Tell Us: What’s Your Best Caregiving Decision (To Date)?

In a caregiving role, you make decisions daily. Some decisions seem rather simple (toast with cereal?) and others fall in the category of very series (Do I call the doctor?). Even worse, you may feel that these decisions—from the simple to the series—are made in solitude. It’s you. It all rests on you. So, today, we’ll talk together about caregiving decisions. And, today, I’d love to...

When We Age, Do We Evolve from Doing to Just Being?

The New York Times New Old Blog featured an interview yesterday with Lars Tornstam, a Swedish sociologist. Dr. Tornstam provides a glimpse into life at eighty, reports Paula Span: An increased need for solitude, and for the company of only a few intimates, is one of the traits Dr. Tornstam attributes to this continuing maturation. So that elderly mother isn’t deteriorating, necessarily — she’s...

When Dying to Live Makes Dying Horrible

The New Yorker has an incredible article on its website today: Letting Go by Atul Gawande. Gawande tackles the question: What should medicine do when it can’t save your life? The answer lies in a heartbreaking story Gawande tells of a young woman diagnosed with advanced lung cancer while 39 weeks pregnant. Her story illustrates the difficulty physicians have in communicating honestly about chances of survival and...

Tell Us: What Advice Drives You Nuts?

Several months ago, I was looked at a very tall To Do list that had to be completed within a very short time period. I was going over my list with a few colleagues, who I had asked to help me make sure I had a plan in place to complete what needed to be done. And, for me, my To Do list needed to be completed. After walking through my list and my goals, my well-meaning colleagues said: When are you taking care of...

How Do You Feel Safe?

A friend recounted the other day why she fell in love. “He made me feel safe,” she said. The relationships we love are the ones in which we feel safe, protected. We feel safe to be ourselves. We feel safe, knowing we have a partner who helps row the boat during difficult times and who wants us to be our best. Sometimes, we also form relationships with situation. And, so it is with caregiving. It’s...

During Difficult Transitions, Allow the Feelings

This afternoon, on Your Caregiving Journey, Sheri Samotin of LifeBridge Solutions shared tips to help you, and your caree, manage a difficult transition. When abilities and capabilities decline, how do you manage the emotional reaction to your caree’s decline? (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post.) We discussed the importance of allowing space for you both to feel bad—or...

Tell Us: How Does Caregiving Touch a Wound for You?

Last Saturday, Donna Webb joined me on Your Caregiving Journey; we spoke about her caregiving experience, as well as her recovery from a pinched nerve. She spoke about an injury she sustained years ago which flared recently because of too much time in front of the computer and physical caregiving. As she spoke, a thought occurred to me: Caregiving can touch dormant wounds, both physical and emotional. A bum knee or...

Breaking Free from Chronic Worry

Today, on Your Caregiving Journey, we had our book club discussion. This month, we read “Worried Sick, Break Free from Chronic Worry to Achieve Mental and Physical Health” by Karol Ward. Karol joined us for our discussion, which you can listen to via the player at the bottom of the post. (You’ll remember Karol from last year’s special three-part series on shame.) Because I hope you will...

Intimidating Talk

This week, in Tell Us, we asked you to tell us: Who or what intimidates you? So, today, on Table Talk, we tackled those intimidating situations and relationships with some coping techniques. (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post.) It’s awful to feel intimidated. We feel controlled. Even worse, we feel like a lesser version of ourselves. We just feel less. So, the true question...

What Do You Think? My Grandmother Complains Constantly

(Editor’s Note: A few weeks ago, we launched a new section on the site, “What Do You Think?” In the section, you can ask for suggestions and advice from other family caregivers. Today, a family caregiver to his grandmother would like your input on his situation. Would you like to post your story in order to get suggestions and advice? Simply send an email to Denise.) I’m my grandmother’s...

“Either…Or” Can Become “And”

In caregiving, the world can seem to consist of “either…or.” The world, then, might become these thoughts: Either I put my needs second or my caree doesn’t have his needs met. Either I stay with my caree constantly or bad things will happen. Either I put my life on hold or my caree will not have what he needs when he needs it. Thinking these statements is much different than reading them. When you...