The tips mentioned in the article include:

• using the Family and Medical Leave Act in order to create plans, manage emergencies, transition your caree into another care setting;
• checking with your HR Department to learn about resources available to you which can help, including an Employee Assistance Program or Work/Life benefit;
• talking with your boss about a plan to mange your work load and your caregiving responsibilities;
• carving out time for your own hobbies and interests;
• keeping focused on the present and letting go of the “what was.”

I’d love to know what tips you would add. How do you manage work and caregiving? Do you have tips about how to work effectively with co-workers when you’re also swamped with caregiving? How do you manage an unsupportive boss? Do you worry about whether or not to quit your job? Or, do you keep you job out of financial necessity or because it provides a respite from caregiving?

Please share your experiences and thoughts in our comments section, below.

Resources

• You’ll find tips on how to manage caregiving and your career (including your small business) here.
• A back-up plan is a necessity in caregiving, regardless of whether or not you work. You’ll find articles which can help you create back-up plans here.

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Certainly, caregiving changed your life plans. It also demands planning and scheduling. And, then, when bad weather or flu or another emergency gets in the way, it demands a Plan B (and sometimes a Plan C and D).

In this week’s poll, sponsored by Caregiving.com and eCareDiary.com, we ask: Do you have a caregiving back-up plan? After voting, please feel free to share additional thoughts and any back-up plans you have in our comments section.

Resources

• We’ve got articles to help you create back-up plans here.

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In normal situations, bad weather becomes an inconvenience. Add in the life storm of caregiving and bad weather can be an incredible challenge. Perhaps you care for your spouse and your aging parent, who lives alone; how do you ensure both have what they need? Perhaps your caree lives where the bad weather will hit; how do you make sure he or she will be safe? Perhaps you live five miles from your caree, but in a blizzard five miles might as well as be 500 miles; where do you spend the night—your house or your caree’s house? And, perhaps you rely on service providers  to help care for your caree; how will you manage if the bad weather keeps the help away?

We’ve got some resources to help:

• Getting Your Caree Help When Bad Weather (or Distance) Gets in the Way

• Resources to Get a Break Right Where You Are

• When Housebound, Make In-House Activities Work for You

I’d love to know: How do you manage caregiving when bad weather hits? What’s your bad weather plan? And, what tips and suggestions can you share that will help fellow family caregivers? Please share in our comments section, below.

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When assessing a facility for my parents I reviewed many things. Among them: quality, training and quantity of staff; state inspections; reputation; interviews with residents and other caregivers; general cleanliness. I gave the places the old eyeball test, and of course the all important smell test.

I did this all this past Spring before placing my mom and dad. Yesterday I realized what I had overlooked: Hurricane Weather Plan.

As Hurricane Earl barreled closer and closer and I reviewed plans and supplies for my family and I, it hit me. What if my parent’s facility lost power or they had to evacuate? What was their plan? Did they even have one?

In a mix of concern and urgency I spent some time at the their facility talking with staff and management about their ability to withstand a storm, conditions under-which they would evacuate, how an evacuation would be executed and what notification would be made in the event that happened. The structure itself is pretty sound and to date they’ve never had to evacuate. In fact it is more common for family caregivers to evacuate to the facility and to stay with their caree on-site because it is safer than staying home. The facility is also on the highest priority by the local power company in the event of power outage for restoration of power and there is a backup generator system. A destructive weather plan is submitted to the state every Spring prior to hurricane season. They were better prepared than I.

Back at home I’ve stocked up on critical staples, hit the ATM and gassed up the cars. This storm didn’t appear to be a major concern. A Cat 3 hurricane doesn’t get folks here very excited and this one will not be a direct hit. However, it will be close enough, large enough and strong enough (now it’s a Cat 4 again) to be watched closely. I’m still mentally running through “what if” drills for me, two teenagers and a dog, but now I’m including my mom and dad.

I think we’re in for it this weekend. When you’re not out shoveling, you find yourself inside staring at your four walls and your care recipient. Or, you may be staring at your phone, hoping your care recipient will be okay.

We’ve got some articles to help you weather the storm:

• Getting Help to Your Care Recipient When Bad Weather Gets in the Way

• When Housebound, Make In-House Activities Work for You

• Stay Home: Resources to Get a Break Right Where You Are

• These Four Walls

• Some Days… When the Bad Outnumber the Good

And, let us know: How do you weather your storms?

My brother-in-law suffered a stroke. The doctor said he was bleeding into the brain. After extensive Intensive Care at a Stroke Center, he is now in Rehab. We have been told that he will be there for about 6 weeks…..he seems to be showing improvement already, but the doctor indicates he will need “Assisted Living” for the rest of his life. He is presently 77 years young.

He is my husband’s only living sibling and we are wrestling with the problem of his being placed in an “Assisted Living Facility”, which I don’t think is the right thing for him. We are considering converting our garage into an apartment for him, where he will have privacy and independence, yet easy access to us, should he need it. At this point we are not sure how many of his facilities he will regain, although he seems to be quite alert.

Is this a bad idea and are we acting emotionally, without the proper regard for the care he will need?

I appreciate any feedback you could give me.

Hello,

I am sorry to hear about your brother-in-law. I hope he continues to improve in rehab.

I think it’s a good idea to pursue the possibility of converting your garage. You have six weeks to determine which living solution will work best for all of you: Use the six weeks to research your options. Because he is in rehab, ask the staff for feedback on having your brother-in-law live in your converted garage. Ask them how you can create an apartment that will best meet his needs. Can they suggest contractors/remodelers that can create such an environment? (You also can search for home remodelers in our directory.) How much assistance with personal care will your brother-in-law need in the morning and throughout the day? Do you feel comfortable providing assistance? Which agencies/programs/services can help out?

Some questions for you and your husband to consider: How much time during the day and evening can you be available to help? Can you and your husband be available when needed? How will this living situation affect your lifestyle? Do you feel okay with any sacrifices you’ll have to make? Will other family members/friends help? Will you be able to make arrangements so you’ll be able to take regular vacations (taking regular vacations is critical to your well-being)?

Persons who have suffered a stroke may experience tremendous personality changes. Ask the staff for input on your brother-in-law’s emotional needs. Do they feel that you can manage these needs? Would he do well living near-by, but not necessarily with someone?

And, involve your brother-in-law, as much as possible, in the decision-making process. Where would he like to live? What are his concerns and worries?

Because you always want to research all options, check out assisted living facilities in your area. (Our directory also includes assisted living facilities.) Are there any that you like? That are convenient for regular visits? You’ll want to know about other housing options, even if your brother-in-law moves into the converted garage. Emergencies arise and you want to ensure that your brother-in-law receives the care he needs in any crisis.

Be sure to ask, and answer, all the “What if?” questions. What if your brother-in-law moves into the apartment and requires more care than you envisioned? What if, for whatever reason, the living situation just doesn’t seem to be working? In these situations, what will your next steps be?

Remember that you can modify any decision that you make. And, be sure to keep the lines of communication open between you, your husband and your brother-in-law. You’ll all have to work together to make living together work. But, you have an opportunity to spend some quality time together. I think it’s great that you’re pursuing making this opportunity a possibility.

Whatever your decision, your brother-in-law is very lucky to have you!

Let me know what happens!

Family caregivers ask Denise M. Brown, Editor and Publisher, Caregiving.com, for her insights and suggestions to their caregiving conundrums. Have a question for Denise? Just e-mail her. Denise will do her best to answer questions within 24 hours.

If you or your care recipient are in a crisis, we urge you to call a health care professional immediately for assistance. Denise only provides general insights about general situations. You should always consult your own lawyer, financial planner, health care professional and other professional advisors for advice specific to your situation.

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By Sheri Samotin

(Editor’s Note: On a regular basis, we invite health care professionals and family caregivers to share insights as a guest blogger on Caregiving.com. As we launch our online support group for long-distance family caregivers, we asked Sheri Samotin, a family transition coach, to share her top tips to help long-distance family caregivers. You can listen to Shari and Denise discuss these tips on Your Caregiving Journey; the player follows the post.)

1. Get yourself organized. One of the hardest parts of long-distance caregiving is keeping all of the balls in the air. The more organized you are, the less stressed you are. Checklists and calendars are a great help, and there are many wonderful tools available to facilitate communication between you and your care recipient, as well as between your caregiving resources, and among those who need to know within your family.

2. Get your care recipient organized. Everyone should take the time to put their affairs in order, but this is especially true in the case of long-distance caregiving. It is critical that you have all of the information that you need to handle your care recipient’s affairs at your fingertips, and that you have the appropriate permissions in place to tackle issues as they arise. This goes beyond having a Power of Attorney, and includes a complete reference of assets and liabilities, passwords, household inventory, listing of service providers, details regarding final wishes, and on and on.  Establishing a family transition plan is the best way to make sure that you are prepared.

3. Plan ahead. Think about what will happen in an emergency. Who will be your care recipient’s advocate if she falls and has to be taken to the emergency room? How quickly can you (or another family member) arrive on the scene? If your care recipient lives in an area with blizzards, hurricanes, brushfires, or earthquakes, what is the emergency plan? How will you remain informed? Does your care recipient know what to do and who to call?

4. Understand that it’s all about control. Caregiving is all about control. As the caregiver, you want to control everything so that “nothing bad” happens. Your care recipient wants to remain in control so that he or she continues to feel like a complete person. If you can remember that control is at the core of every action and every reaction, it will help you keep things in perspective. When you become frustrated, ask yourself why you are trying to control the situation, what will happen if you stop, and why YOU feel out of control.

5. Ask for help.  And then, ask again. There are so many wonderful people and resources available to help you. Don’t feel like you are less of a caregiver when you accept help. Be specific about what you need. It’s much easier for someone to respond to your request to bring Dad dinner one night a week then to respond to the vague request to “keep an eye on Dad.”

6. Take care of yourself. You are no good to anyone if you get sick, so take the time to take care of yourself. Eat well, exercise, and get plenty of rest.

7.  Engage a professional, such as a coach or geriatric care manager. While it might seem expensive, engaging a professional to help you may be a wise investment. A coach or geriatric care manager can assist you in putting all of the pieces in place early, ideally even before your aging relative’s health has deteriorated. This professional can help you select your caregiving team so that you know exactly who to call when the time comes. As a neutral third party, your coach or care manager can help navigate the family dynamics that often are heightened during times of transition.

We’d love to know: What tips would you add?

(Sheri Samotin is a family transition coach and President of LifeBridge Solutions which offers daily money management, insurance claims advocacy, household transition services and estate administration support. Sheri brings more than 25 years of business and management experience to her work.)

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–Will: Experts recommend updating your will every three years. Consider: Are beneficiaries still living? Does the will reflect the correct distribution of all assets?

–Durable powers of attorney for health care and finances: Have you or your care recipient moved to a new state? If you have, check with your attorney to ensure the POA will be recognized in the new state. And, be sure your POA gives you the power you need. For instance, if you live in Illinois and your care recipient lives in Florida, the attorney may recommend you have two POAs—one for each state.

–Long-term care insurance. Has your care recipient’s care needs increased? Check your care recipient’s long-term care insurance policy to ensure your care recipient is receiving all the covered benefits.

–Investments. Are your care recipient’s investments still appropriate, given your care recipient’s age and care needs? Are your investments still working for you?

–Caregiving mission statement: Are your goals still on track?

–Your back-up plans. Do your contingency plans still work, based on your care recipient’s current care needs?

Keeping paperwork up-to-date helps you stay on target in your caregiving role.

What if I’m sick? Who will take care of my care recipient?

What if I need to help my daughter and her new baby? Who will take care of my care recipient?

What if I need to go back to work? Who will take care of my care recipient?

The start of a New Year is a great time to create your contingency plan, which has the answers to “What if?” questions. (For more help in creating your contingency plan, please here.)

Research is your first step. If you haven’t called local social services agencies and services providers (including churches and synagogues) in more than one year, then start by checking with them. Funding changes, personnel changes, goals and missions change. An agency that couldn’t help in the past now may have a program that will help you.

Remember: Your goal is to gather as much information as possible. If you learn about a program that you don’t think your care recipient will like…wipe the thought from your head! Gather information about all programs–costs, availability, qualifications, contact person. The program may not be appropriate now, but may very well be the answers to your prayers down the road.

Next, check with family and friends. In an emergency, what kind of help can they offer? Who will be the second contact in case of an emergency?

Once you’ve researched all available options in the community (home health agencies, adult day services, assisted living facilities, nursing homes, Meals on Wheels, volunteer programs, personal emergency responses, phone check-in services, etc.), and with your family and friends, then make a list. Include agency name, program name, program description, program details (cost, availability, etc.), agency phone number. You may also want to jot down appropriate times for these services to be used. For instance, short-term stays in nursing homes could be used when you need to take a week off.

During this process, you also can create your safety net, the net that catches when something falls. Consider:

Financial safety net
Who manages the finances? Who’s the back-up? And, who is the check who makes sure finances are in good order?

Day-to-day caregiving
Who can back you up? Who can step in if you are sick? Your back-up can be family, friends, home care workers, adult day centers, Meals on Wheels, assisted living facilities, nursing homes or a combination. Does your back-up have the necessary knowledge and training to back you up? And, what’s your back-up for your back-up?

Losses
As your care recipient declines, how will you compensate for the losses? When driving, meal preparation, housekeeping and other responsibilities can no longer be completed? When caregiving needs intensify? Which services, family members, providers and other options can compensate?

You’re out of commission
The flu, unexpected responsibilities, or a sore back makes caregiving that much more difficult. What gadgets and equipment can help until you feel better?

As a family caregiver, you know that the world can change without warning. You don’t want to be caught off guard and without options. Your contingency plan and safety net ensure the well-being of you and your care recipient just in case “What if” really happens.

Finally, I’m going on vacation! I’ll be gone for two weeks in September. My sister will stay at the house and take care of my mom.

Here’s my problem: How in the world do I tell my sister what I do every day to take care of my mom?

Hello,

Good for you! It’s wonderful you’ll be able to take a well-deserved vacation.

Because you do so much, it can seem daunting to communicate so much, not only about what you do, but what your care recipient likes, dislikes, tolerates, can’t tolerate. It’s also hard to explain how you know how to manage your care recipient on a bad day–because it seems that you just know.

Some suggestions:

• I encourage family caregivers to keep two journals: One for their eyes only, about their experiences; the other, about their care recipients and their medical conditions. If you don’t already keep journals, now’s a good time to start. In particular, a journal about your care recipient will really be handy for your sister. In this second journal, document your care recipient’s day: Meals, disagreements, hands-on care, challenges, moods, activities, and conversations. A good time to update this journal during the day is after every meal and after personal care (morning and night). Your sister can read your journal entries well before she takes over; she’ll have time to ask questions or clarify information.

• Create a calendar that reflects your day’s routine: Bedtimes, medications, naps, meals, etc.

• Have your sister shadow you for a period of three days. Do this about two or three weeks before you’re set to leave.

• A week or so after the shadowing, have your sister stay with you and your mom for a weekend. This time, though, she is the primary family caregiver. Schedule activities for yourself outside the house (and alone) so your mom and sister can start to develop their own routine. You’ll be close by, though, in case of an emergency.

• Allow your sister to ask any “What if” questions she can think of–no matter how crazy or unrealistic they may be. One question I like to ask when I start a new job is: What’s the worst mistake I can make? Or, What’s the worst that can happen? If I know the worst that can happen and have some solutions–just in case–then I know I’ll be okay.

• Develop a back-up plan for your sister so that she’ll have options if she becomes ill or encounters other emergencies. This article about contingency plans may help.

• Be open to mistakes–from both of you. You always can re-group and move on. Keep your sense of humor and perspective and you’ll be okay.

• You can check with your local Area Agency on Aging and Red Cross to see if the agencies have any upcoming training classes for family caregivers. Additional training for your sister would be great.

The goal is increase everyone’s comfort level so that all three of you feel okay during your vacation. You also want to allow your sister and your mom the freedom to develop their own routines and habits. If it’s different than how you would do it, that’s okay!

Have fun!