Something about driving…

Mom also is asking for the car. She swears that she can drive and demands to be allowed to drive herself home, even though she has not been behind the wheel of a car in a decade or held a valid driver’s license in nearly five years. I don’t mind her asking though, it’s one more thing for us to talk about, an idea for her to wrestle with. I think mind wrestling, especially when your mind is rapidly leaving, is a good thing.

I’ve ordered flowers and chocolate-covered strawberries for Mom for this weekend but I think we will go for a long drive just the two of us on Mother’s Day. I’m driving! She might remember who I am but based on recent behavior, probably not. She generally doesn’t know me anymore but I’ll squeeze her hand and kid with her all the same. She loves the attention from her “brother.” Since it’s hard to transport both Mom and Dad at the same time, I’ll probably let Dad nap at the facility.

My kids have asked me if they could not attend Youth Group Sunday night. They don’t want to be around all of their friends and the Youth Group staff celebrating Mother’s Day, not when their mother is long dead. I understood. We’ll do something else together. I would say it is a challenge to find something to laugh about on Mother’s day but it’s actually not hard, not with the wife that I had. This will be our fifth Mother’s Day without her. For my teens that’s a significant portion of their young lives. We’ll going to both laugh and quietly cry and it’ll be good.

So Mom, Dad, and the kids are standing here with me on the corner of a Wish and Prayer, nestled in the suburb of Wishful-thinking, capital of the great state of Denial… where no teenagers are allowed to drive.

Image via Wikipedia

In support of Older Driver Safety Awareness Week, AAA encourages advance planning to keep senior drivers safe and mobile as they age

Many seniors and their families will at some point struggle with a difficult decision about an older adult’s driving ability.

• Is it safe for them to continue driving?
• Are there tools to help them be safer?
• How do we know when it’s time to hang up the keys?
• What options exist when they can no longer drive?

To address this growing concern among families across the country, AAA provides expert advice, research-based tools and resources through its safety and mobility web site — AAASeniors.com. The information and tools on the site are designed to aid in prompting conversations, assessing abilities and improving the comfort and safety of older drivers.

“Many people do not know where to turn for help to address the safety and mobility challenges often faced by older drivers and their families. AAASeniors.com provides the tools needed to create an action plan to help manage the inevitable consequences of aging, and the effects of aging on driving ability,” said Jake Nelson, director, AAA Traffic Safety Advocacy and Research.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, one in five people will be age 65 or older by 2030, with an estimated 90 percent licensed to drive. In support of Older Driver Safety Awareness Week, Dec. 6-12, AAA encourages seniors and their families to take the first step in addressing this difficult issue by having a conversation about driving and aging.

“People age 65 and older represent the fastest growing segment of the country’s population, which makes their safe driving ability an issue that millions of families are facing. AAA encourages seniors and their families to use Older Driver Safety Awareness Week as an opportunity to begin a conversation about safe mobility. AAA can provide the resources needed to help guide them through this process,” said Nelson.

For many seniors, conversations about continued safe driving can easily spark strong emotional reactions such as concerns about personal independence and managing other day-to-day activities. Fortunately, these conversations also can serve as opportunities for constructive communication and problem solving.

Talking with an older driver is just the first step. AAA also provides guidance and tools to help develop and implement an action plan.

• AAA Roadwise Review is a computer-based tool designed to assess a driver’s functional abilities important to safe driving.
• CarFit and AAA’s Smart Features for Mature Drivers help to enhance seniors’ comfort and safety while driving.
• Safe Driving for Mature Operators classroom and online courses provide driver training to help address the changes caused by aging and how a driver may compensate.

For more information about Older Driver Safety Awareness Week, please visit AAA.com/PublicAffairs.

Image by dotsi via Flickr

Baby Boomers have a difficult time speaking to their parents about when to limit or stop driving, yet most seniors are open to talking about the increased safety risks they face on the road as they age, according to a national survey by Liberty Mutual Insurance.

A number of recent news stories about serious car accidents involving senior drivers have brought prominence to this issue. These incidents underscore that while the effects of aging vary individually, there are typical changes that challenge driving ability; including impaired vision and hearing, decreased mobility, and slowed reaction time and reflexes (see http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerindex?id=8125262 for more information).

While many families are concerned about seniors’ driving safety and mobility issues, the Liberty Mutual survey found that a majority of Boomers (75%) have never initiated a conversation about driving with their aging parents out of concern for their reaction. The Boomers said they feared that raising the issue would make their parents uncomfortable (58%), angry (38%, embarrassed (30%), or disrespected (12%).

An overwhelming majority of the seniors made it clear, however, that they are much more open to having a conversation about their driving than their children think. The survey found that 94% of the seniors would not be embarrassed discussing the topic, and 80% said that such a conversation would not make them uncomfortable. Ninety-two percent of the seniors said their children “have a right” to raise the issue with them.

“Senior driving is a social issue as much as it is a safety issue,” said Greg Gordon, senior vice president of Consumer Marketing at Liberty Mutual. “We have 30 million drivers over 65 on the road today, and another 10,000 people turning 65 each day by 2012, who use their cars to remain active and contributing members of our communities. Families should be having conversations now — before an incident occurs — with aging relatives about how to best map out transportation solutions that maintain their independence and dignity, yet keep them safe.”

To help address senior driving safety, Liberty Mutual has partnered with ITNAmerica, a national, non-profit transportation network for America’s aging population, to create www.LibertyMutual.com/SeniorDriving, a one-stop resource for senior driving issues. The website offers discussion starters for addressing transportation concerns and solutions for aging relatives and is designed to prompt families to start the conversation on senior driving safety.

“With older Americans more independent today than ever before, it is vital for Baby Boomers to observe and discuss the driving behaviors of their aging relatives,” said ITNAmerica Founder and President, Katherine Freund. “The most successful conversations are the ones approached calmly and compassionately from the needs of the senior, and not a confrontation rooted in fear and danger.”

To help guide families through the sensitivity of a senior driving conversation, Liberty Mutual and ITNAmerica developed the following tips:

Before You Talk

* Take a ride with the senior driver and observe their driving. Are they aware of their driving environment? Do they have slow reaction times?
* Try to assess their recent driving record. Have they had close calls, tickets or warnings?
* Look into alternate transportation solutions. It is not realistic to discuss driving cessation or limitation without a full and practical discussion of acceptable alternatives.
* Decide among the family who is best prepared for any one role or discussion.

During Your Talk

* Consider beginning the conversation with a question about how they feel when driving.
* Keep the focus of the conversation on the older person and how the family can help him or her preserve independence while maintaining a full and meaningful life.
* Listen to what your family member is saying and truly hear their concerns.
* Highlight your concern for their safety and the safety of others.
* Don’t get drawn into an argument; be kind and patient.
* Take it one step at a time, but stand your ground.
* Suggest a driving evaluation from an occupational therapist, a driving rehabilitation specialist or qualified driving instructor familiar with the issues associated with mature drivers. If necessary, enlist the help of your loved one’s physician.
* Make a plan that takes into account both the symbolic and the practical value of the family automobile and write it down to help clarify details and avoid problems caused by memory lapses, on the part of the adult children as well as the parents.
* Have realistic expectations. Helping older people accept assistance is a gentle and loving process, not a one time event.

For another great conversation starter, Liberty Mutual offers the “Driver Seat Game,” a flash-based video game that simulates the physical and cognitive limitations that older drivers may experience while operating a motor vehicle. The game can be played at www.libertymutual.com/driverseat.

My husband’s parents still live by themselves–he is in very bad health and we believe she has Alzheimer’s. She will not go to a doctor. I have made her appointments with a neurologist and two of her doctors have made her appointments and she refuses to go. So we can only guess this is what she has.

My problem is how do we decide she is a danger to herself or her husband because she forgets everything and sometimes does not use common sense when things happen? She still drives which I think is a bad idea but her two sons are afraid to take away her freedom because she has told them she will hate them for it and she means it. Her husband had a heart attack not long ago so we hired a woman to help her and she fired her less than a week later.

I know you probably can’t answer on just this but I am worried she is going to get in her car and forget how to get home. Thank you.

–Worried

Dear Worried,

I can imagine how upsetting this situation must be for all of you. It would be great if your in-laws made responsible and healthy decisions on their behalf. Because they aren’t (or simply can’t because of their illnesses), it seems that it is time for others to step in.

Contact the local chapter of your Alzheimer’s Association (visit www.alz.org to search for the chapter). The Alzheimer’s Foundation of America also has chapters across the country; you can find out more here: http://www.alzfdn.org. The staff at either organization will have information about the disease and can offer suggestions on how to get help. In addition, they can provide great information on taking away the keys, a touchy and difficult decision for family members to make.

It’s awful that your mother-in-law has used emotional manipulation in order to keep the car keys. I can understand the sons not wanting their mother to hate them… but wouldn’t they hate themselves if their mother was in a car accident and injured herself or, worse, injured others? They aren’t taking away her freedom–they are protecting her (and others) from potential harm.

It is hard to keep a perspective during such emotional turmoil; remind your husband and his brother that the most loving act they can take is to ensure that their parents stay well for as long as possible. This isn’t about keeping their parent’s love, but rather showing their parents how much they love them. Taking aware the car keys to protect their parents is a loving act.

As a short-term solution, disable her car so that she can’t drive. You can purchase a No Start Car Battery Switch at www.alzstore.com (click on “Safety” and then go to page 2) for $36.95. If she asks when her car will be fixed, tell her what will keep her calm, perhaps simply stating that the car will be taken in for service as soon as possible (even though you really won’t bring it in for service).

Ask the staff at the local chapter of either Alzheimer’s association for a referral to a geriatric assessment center; the staff at the center can complete a battery of tests to properly diagnosis your mother-in-law. Schedule the appointment at a time when her sons can take her. When you schedule the appointment, ask the staff for suggestions on how you can get her to the doctor. It’s been my experience that it’s best not to offer a person in your mother-in-law’s situation the choice of whether or not she will go to the doctor. Simply tell her (and you might find it best not to tell her until her sons arrive at her home) and then take her (don’t leave it up to her to get to the appointment on her own). Her sons should be calm and direct with her: They can tell her that the doctor wants to see her, they’ll go with her and then treat her to lunch afterward. If they still don’t have any luck, then ask the assessment center if they can refer you to a physician who will make housecalls. It’s imperative that she be properly diagnosed so she can receive the treatment and help she and your father-in-law both need.

The Area Agency on Aging also will have information and resources that can help. Call the ElderCare Locator at 1-800-677-1116 for a referral.

It is really hard to step in and make decisions–especially on behalf of parents. When illness affects parents’ judgment, it’s important that someone who can make good decisions step in.

I have been told by my dad’s insurance that his caregiver (who is paid) has to have a commercial license from DMV to drive my dad’s car and drive my dad around. One person at insurance never mentioned it, another did.

I am getting conflicting info and they are saying that the caregiver should have a commercial license to drive his own car for my dad’s needs?

Hi,

I have worked as a caregiver through an agency and driven clients but I never had a commercial license. In addition, I have worked at an agency that provided caregivers who drove clients–and we never required them to have a commercial license.

To be on the safe side, I would call the insurance company again and asked if your father’s policy covers another driver. If they say the caregiver must have a commercial license, ask to receive a copy of the policy that states this. In addition, call the agency providing the caregiver. They’ll be able to tell you how other clients manage insurance coverage for a caregiver who provides transportation.

]]>