“Caregiving is not easy. I can’t imagine care-receiving is either.”
Dana, a new blogger on Caregiving.com, (Welcome Dana!) made the above comment and it reminded me of one of the “joys” of sandwich caregiving especially when your kids are teenagers. My kids see my parents and have heard our family history (on both sides of the family we live a long time (90′s-100′s) and die...
This morning, on Your Caregiving Journey, Holly, who cares for her husband, Dave, joined me for Table Talk. You can listen to our show via the player, below.
Holly spoke about conversations she and Dave had had after the diagnosis of frontotemporal dementia and about end-of-life. Holly shared her thoughts about how to respond when a caree talks about a diagnosis and death. When Dave talks about dying because of his...
This is the follow up to my post “Holidaze”
Dad is back in his facility and resting comfortably. No specific caused found his seizure but we’ll be making the rounds of the Dr’s in the days and weeks to come. I learned that the original seizure occurred in the shower so I’m feel blessed that Dad didn’t get injured in there.
I need to buy flowers for the staff.
When I returned from...
“How was your holiday?” everyone has been asking.
I usually answer vaguely, “It was interesting…”
As you know from my last post the Christmas holiday began with my wedding anniversary which meant a trip to the cemetery and commemorating my wife’s death. Dad’s physical state declined to the point that I wondered whether he was going to live through the end of the month....
Today I went to work. It may be two days before Christmas and relatively quiet but a military base never completely closes.
Today I saw new “Welcome Home” banners posted on the fence line outside the base. A unit must be returning soon. I pray they make it back in time for Christmas, it’ll be close. I remember those days and smile, happy for the returning Marines and their families.
Today I took my Dad to yet...
Posted by
Denise on Oct 31st, 2011 in
Denise's Blog |
6 comments
Yesterday, The New York Times published the eulogy given by Steve Jobs’ sister, Mona Simpson. Her eulogy ended with these four sentences:
Steve’s final words were:
OH WOW. OH WOW. OH WOW.
Kinda gives you goose bumps, doesn’t it?
I was with my aunt when she died. As she died, one tear rolled down her cheek. (My aunt died before resolving rifts with one of her daughters; I’ve always thought the...
This morning, Claire Day, Vice President of Constituent Services for the Alzheimer’s Association Delaware Valley Chapter, joined me on Your Caregiving Journey to talk about Alzheimer’s disease and Hospice. You can listen to our show via the player below.
We talked about the importance of including Hospice in your caree’s care plan as well as its benefits to you and to your caree. Medicare includes a...
I was up late last night, trading emails with my sister-in-law, helping in the planning of my brother’s memorial. One of the things she asked me do to was edit a biography of him. I couldn’t help but reflect on the many things I had learned from my older brother. Arguably one of the most important lessons was the importance of those who serve you.
Every where my brother went, he made a point of making...
My brother died this morning.
I informed my sister. I told my son and daughter. I let friends who had been praying and supporting us know. I didn’t have the heart to tell Mom and Dad.
Interestingly Dad, without prompting, asked me about his oldest son. I stammered an indirect answer.
I’ve been down that road of telling them about the death of a loved one. They can’t process it. It’ll...
This morning, on Your Caregiving Journey, Dr. Benjamin Mast joined me for a terrific discussion on when to end tests for your caree. Dr. Mast is an Associate Professor and Vice Chair in the Department of Psychological & Brain Sciences and Associate Clinical Professor in Geriatric Medicine at the University of Louisville (Kentucky). He’s also the author of Whole Person Dementia Assessment. You can listen...
Posted by
Denise on Sep 26th, 2011 in
Denise's Blog |
1 comment
In your role as a family caregiver, you’ve most likely experienced judgments about your caree. A doctor may have dismissed your concerns about your caree with a quick comment like, “What do you expect? She’s 95.” Perhaps family members can’t see the meaning your caree brings to your life. Or, maybe, a health care professional talks about your caree rather than talking to him.
We live...
That is the question I’ve been answering all weekend regarding my brother. My daughter casually lobbed it at me while I did laundry and printed off airline boarding passes. Later I heard a version of it from my sister.
The short answer of course is “Yes”. We’re all going to die. We know this quite well in my family. Death is common enough to us that we talk about it openly. What everyone...
We all know how to handle stress:
- eat, but not too much
- sleep
- exercise
- follow a routine but be flexible
- lean on others
- pray
- use the right tool for the problem (ok you might not know this one but it fits… trust me)
- eat some chocolate
I could’ve of used all of these today.
It’s been a long week and an even longer day today. The week had been extended by multiple away soccer...
On Friday morning, Viki Kind, author of The Caregivers Path to Compassionate Decision Making, joined me on Your Caregiving Journey. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post.
Our show focused on how to handle a really tough situation: Your caree, who is not cognitively impaired, makes a conscious decision to stop eating and drinking. In essence, your caree makes the decision to die.
The...
I avoided all news channels this past weekend. The memorials and scenes from 9-11 were too much for me to take in. Like everyone of age, I remember precisely where I was and what I was doing ten years ago that fateful morning. In some ways my world changed very little. Ten years ago I was already on active duty and living on a military installation, and I had also already been on the ground previously in...
I can’t keep my hands off of Mom and Dad. Seems like every visit I put my hands (or a chin… don’t ask) on their heads. Yesterday I tugged at Pop’s chin and told him it was about time for a shave. Mom is from the generation when women wore hats in public so every visit I play with whatever she happens to have on her head at the time. We also play footsie, rub knees, tug at each others arms...
Oooooooh, you may think. How am I going to face this?
It may be another diagnosis, yet another new home health aide, a different treatment regime, a visit from family, a decision about end-of-life care.
Or, it could simply be another day.
When it seems that what you face is too big for you, call in the support. Tell a trusted friend that you feel like it’s getting to be too much. Take a walk. Share your worry...
Reading Shandi’s posts I couldn’t help but notice this one particular line:
“Hospice amazing, the medical support I’ve looked for all year”
I’ve not experienced hospice directly but the overwhelming majority of accounts that I read and hear say the same thing. It begs the question, Why? Is it that with hospice finally comes a much longed for focus more on the patient and family...
Posted by
Denise on Jul 5th, 2011 in
Denise's Blog |
1 comment
As we support The Unit Known as Shandi and her mom, I thought it would be helpful to share resources we have on the site.
You can find articles relating to end-of-life care, including making the feeding tube decision, here: www.caregiving.com/tag/end-of-life/
And, one of the articles includes a talk show I did about 18 months ago with a chief medical officer at a Hospice organization based in Florida (Making the...
In caregiving, some decisions carry an emotional charge unlike any other life decision. The decision about a feeding tube for your caree is one of those decisions.
A feeding tube can be a helpful option during a time when your caree will recover (from a surgery, for instance). For those nearing end of life, the feeding tube causes discomfort without extending survival. Some studies show that a feeding tube can...
Posted by
Trish on Mar 6th, 2011 in
Trish's Blog |
9 comments
There are days I just don’t want to decide what’s for dinner.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t because I can’t make a decision. I’m actually very good at making decisions and do so all the time regarding Robert, regarding my home and family and at my Day Job.
I do my research, weigh the options and have been known to write a “pro/con list” a time or two. I can make a quick, reasoned decision if the...
Posted by
Jo on Nov 15th, 2010 in
Blogs,
Jo's Blog |
1 comment
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one’.”
-C.S. Lewis
