Answers from the Nurse

On Thursday, Jeannie Keenan of My Health Care Manager joined me on Your Caregiving Journey to take your questions. During the show, Jeannie and I answered these questions: 1. I’ve been through so many home health aides! I need to find good help for my mom so I can go to work. I’ve had lazy aides, incompetent aides and aides with an attitude. Is it possible to find good help? 2. I’m just beginning...

If End-Of-Life Were a Diagnosis…

…then living life for the caree and the family caregiver during the life of caregiving would be so much easier. Here’s why: If end-of-life were a diagnosis, we would know when a caree has a year to live. Then, six months. Then, a few weeks. Then, a few days. When we know these magic numbers, we know: 1. When to take a break for a vacation; 2. When to take leave from a job; 3. When to call family members...

After Caregiving: The Perspective of a Year

Today on Table Talk, we spoke with Shelley Webb, who cared for her father until his death on September 26, 2009. You can listen to our discussion via the player at the bottom of the post. Shelley spoke about her 4 1/2 years caring for her father and then the difficult last week of his life in the hospital. As a result of her experience, she shared suggestions to help you keep in mind options other than...

Ask the Nurse: Should My Mom Get a Feeding Tube?

Yesterday afternoon, on Your Caregiving Journey, Jeannie Keenan of My Health Care Manager, joined us to answer your questions. (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post.) We had four questions, but spent our time tackling a tough one: I care for my mom, who has advanced dementia. She will periods, some times lasting a few days, where she won’t eat. The doctor has suggested a feeding...

Your Exit Strategy: Live Without Fear

This afternoon on Your Caregiving Journey, Kelsey Collins, author of “Exit Strategy, Leaving this Life with Grace and Gratitude” joined us for a terrific discussion on exit strategies. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. Kelsey shared terrific stories and insights, including what we want at the end of our life: Control; Sense of humor; Family and loved...

Where Matters, Too, When We Die

I think we all hope that we die when we’ve completed our Bucket List, so to speak. That we end just as our work here ends. An article in USA Today yesterday also says that it matters where we die. According to the article, “cancer patients who died in a hospital or intensive care unit suffered more physical and emotional distress than those who died at home with hospice services, according to study of...

When We Age, Do We Evolve from Doing to Just Being?

The New York Times New Old Blog featured an interview yesterday with Lars Tornstam, a Swedish sociologist. Dr. Tornstam provides a glimpse into life at eighty, reports Paula Span: An increased need for solitude, and for the company of only a few intimates, is one of the traits Dr. Tornstam attributes to this continuing maturation. So that elderly mother isn’t deteriorating, necessarily — she’s...

When Dying to Live Makes Dying Horrible

The New Yorker has an incredible article on its website today: Letting Go by Atul Gawande. Gawande tackles the question: What should medicine do when it can’t save your life? The answer lies in a heartbreaking story Gawande tells of a young woman diagnosed with advanced lung cancer while 39 weeks pregnant. Her story illustrates the difficulty physicians have in communicating honestly about chances of survival and...

Decisions from the Head and Heart

This morning in Your Caregiving Journey, Viki Kind joined us to discuss her new book, “The Caregiver’s Path to Compassionate Decision Making.” You can listen to our discussion via the player at the bottom of this post. Viki and I spoke about the five core questions she suggests you ask yourself as you determine how and when to make a decision on behalf of a caree. The questions are: 1. Does the...

Meet Miss R

Today, on Table Talk, Miss R joined us for 30-minutes of insights and reflections. (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of this post.) One topic we discussed was particularly heart-felt. Miss R candidly spoke about her current worry: Will today be the day she enters her grandmother’s room and finds that her grandmother has passed? Miss R works on the worry; she’s reading and...

Persons with Advanced Dementia More Likely to Receive Feeding Tubes at Larger, For-Profit Hospitals

Just the other day, a few visitors were directed to our website after searching Google for this information: feeding tube decision removing a feeding tube And, Dilys, one of our bloggers, posted an entry earlier this week about her mum’s hospitalization and the doctors’ suggestion that a feeding tube be inserted. Wondering about whether to insert a feeding tube can be a nerve-wracking and gut-wrenching...

Making the Most of End-of-Life

This morning, Dr. Daniel Maison, Vice President for Medical Services and Chief Medical Officer at Treasure Coast Hospice, Stuart, Fla., joined us for a discussion about end-of-life decisions on Your Caregiving Journey. (Dr. Maison is also Physician Section Leader for National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization‘s National Council of Hospice and Palliative Professionals and Clinical Assistant Professor at...

Facing Fears

Today on Table Talk, we spoke about your caregiving fears. (You can listen to the show via the player at the end of this post.) A few suggestions to help manage your fears: –Your fears can help you pinpoint your need for help, resources, information or just comfort. Consider: What can you learn from your fears? –Your “No’s” could be a way to mask your fears. Are you saying...

What If… Decisions Near Life’s End

(Editor’s Note: Over the past few days, we’ve been sharing articles to help you with difficult decisions. The Hospice Institute of the Florida Suncoast shared the following article, courtesy of Caregiving at Life’s End: The National Train the Trainer Program, to help you make end-of-life decisions.) Throughout the experience of caregiving you may be faced with making decisions with and for your care...

A Physician’s Perspective: The Feeding Tube Decision

It’s the question you may dread the most: The doctor has indicated that your care recipient will continue to lose weight and suggests a feeding tube. Should you say “yes”? We asked Dr. Terrie Ginsberg who specializes in Geriatrics at the University of Medicine and Dentistry, New Jersey School of Osteopathic Medicine, Center for Aging, Stratford, N.J., for her ...

End-of-Life Care: Working Within the Laws of Nature

This is hard to hear, but important to know: When caring for an aging relative, you are helping a family member die well. The process of helping someone to die well begins early on in your caregiving journey. It begins when you first hear a diagnosis. Or, when you first notice that your mother just isn’t able to keep up the house as well as she used to. Or, when you celebrate your grandmother’s 95th...

Ask Denise: What Can I Do for Mom with Advanced Dementia?

Hi Denise, First, I want to thank you for offering your help and for all the help you’ve been giving.  Bless You! Here’s my situation:  My mom has dementia of the frontal lobe.  Her first diagnose was verbal aphasia.  It’s years later, my Mom is in a care facility on the dementia floor.  She hasn’t spoken in years.  At this point, it’s hard to tell if she understands anything. ...

Ahhh…. ARGH! From Blueberry Waffles to a Physician’s Nonsense

I sat down to the breakfast table this morning with two waffles topped with butter, blueberries and syrup. The cranberry juice was straight-out-of-the-fridge cold. Ahhh… Life is good. I opened the front section of the Chicago Tribune, perusing page-by-page until I arrived to the Letters to the Editor section. Hmm… The debate over end-of-life discussions has hit the Opinion page. The catalyst was an...

How Do We Support Our Caregiving Friend?

Dear Denise, I’m writing to you on behalf of my neighbors.  We have walked together in the mornings and have played euchre together for 18 years. Now one of these fabulous women is caring for her mother who is battling breast cancer.  The prognosis is not good and our friend has moved in with her mother in almost a hospice environment.  We want our friend to know we care about her and would like to put...

Is His DNR Enough?

Dear Denise, First of all I want to share with you the good news. I am now into the 4th month of my pregnancy. I also am caring for my dad who is ill. Yesterday my dad had a doctor appointment that did not go well at all. His heart is slowing down and his arties in his neck are 45% and 40% closed. I know that I need to have a plan of action but I don’t know what kind of plan. This is totally different from my...

How Do I Talk to Mom About the End?

Dear Denise, My mom has cancer and the end is coming.  I have been with her over the past year and even though the main adrenal tumor is over 18 cm and all of her lymph nodes are cancerous, she has not had ANY pain or really any symptoms.  I put this in the true miracle category and know a blessing when I see one.  She hasn’t really dealt with any of the issues of having cancer. However, the time has...

How Do We Help Our Father on Hospice?

Dear Denise, Just looking into online support to help my sister and I deal with taking care of our father who is in hospice in his home. We have been alternately living with him for almost 3 months. Some days it is so easy and others no so. His long time girlfriend left him and my sister and I felt that we could take this on. He is 77 and dying from pulmonary fibrosis. He is on oxygen all of the time. Right now he...