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Tag Archives: frustration

The Accidental Gardener


It is very unfortunate that some medications combined with an illness can cause our caree to become delusional and lose track of time. This morning, my mom, Grace, thought she was up and gardening and hurt her knee. She laughed at me when I told her that she has arthritis. I had to go along with it and I told her the yard looked nice. I think my husband got angry because he spent all  morning mowing ... Read More »

Not Jeannie or a Genie


I am not Jeannie, as in I Dream of Jeannie, nor am I a genie. I do not grant wishes, I don’t look like Barbara Eden, I don’t live in a bottle or a lamp, and I don’t have a master. I think I’ve given the wrong impression that I might be a genie, though. Either that, or my husband thinks he is Captain Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Many times during the ... Read More »

In Six Words, What’s It Like to Fight Red Tape?


I’m kinda in a battle this week with a non-profit who only wants to do work if they receive grant to do the work. In other words, they actually receive a salary to do work but they’ll only really do work if they receive more money to do it. Sigh. Larry’s update and his debacle getting paid reminds me that red tape surrounds us all. And, that red tape just sticks more frustration and aggravation ... Read More »

Why Men Run


A Man’s Definition of Caregiving: where every man’s greatest fears of failure are confirmed on a daily basis. If given the right training and appropriate gear, I could stroll the surface of Mars. In fact, I could walk into a suicide mission if I was convinced that my sacrifice would weaken the enemy and save innocent lives. In short, if given a moral purpose, I can shut the gates of hell against the absolute power ... Read More »

How Do You Manage Your Caree’s Anger?


Last night, one of our visitors (Kari) shared a comment on Friday’s How Was Your Day? post: I’ve been caring for my fiancé for about 8 years since he had a failed back surgery. He now had intractable pain, which is constant severe pain. The hardest part for me is dealing with his anger toward me and the world for not helping him get better, and causing him to get worse. I clean up lots ... Read More »

What Constitutes An Emergency?


So, today we get a phone call from scheduling and after I’ve already discussed that I want the surgery to be scheduled after Thanksgiving they are telling us that November 22nd is when the doctors want it because it is a life or death situation and the sooner the better. EXCUSE ME? Am I misunderstanding something? I know this is a life or death situation. It has been since Sept 11, 2012 when ALL OF ... Read More »

Mom and Her Secret

Mom in DisneyLand

I received a call from my Aunt Susie on Saturday regarding my mom and some medical issues she is having and has yet to tell me or my brothers about. In the past she had both knees replaced. The right one was replaced twice because she did a lot of damage to it when she twisted it stepping up onto a curb six months after the first replacement. We know that over the past 18 ... Read More »

Unexpected Changes


In my last posts I was speaking about how we thought Smokey was getting better, in pain, but getting better. After a routine MRI to check to see how much the area had healed, we get a call the next day to get to the ER Immediately. And so we have been here since Friday. But nothing much has happened that we could not have done at home, except, of course the slew of tests ... Read More »


source: wikipedia

“My goal is to live until our son turns 18.” “13 months from now? Is there something you’re not telling me?” “Well, I didn’t expect to be on disability at 55, and I think it’s important for a child to have their parents until they are 18, don’t you?” I was quite a sight with my mouth open like a fish’s and tears spilling out of my eyes. “Frankly, I’m speechless. My goal is to ... Read More »

Keeping Your Seat at the Head of the Table


A visitor to the website recently posted a request for help. My friend, she explained, and her sister are locked in a power struggle over who will be the No. 1 caregiver for their mom. My friend has been helping and caring for her mother for years. Now that her mother’s end is near, her out-of-town sister has arrived, gunning to take over. How can I help my friend, she asked? When you’ve taken care ... Read More »

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream


In the last couple months I have had severe insomnia. I mean, I’ve had it since Marc got sick but there were days when I was able to get at least four to six hours combined of some rest. Wednesday, I had a great night’s sleep. One I didn’t think would ever come. Mainly because I had to stay up over 48 hours before I slept from pure exhaustion. But it happened and I slept. ... Read More »

Out of Phase


My partner saw her GP two Tuesdays ago. I haven’t finished transcribing the appointment, but here’s part of it: GP: And then we have doctor — oh, Dr. [gastroenterologist] sent me an endoscopy, right. Ejourneys: Mm hm. GP: All right. He said there was some things not emptying properly. Ejourneys: He thought that it might be gastroparesis. GP: But you did the [inaudible] study? Partner: No. Ejourneys: Just the endoscopy. Partner: He put the camera ... Read More »

I Can C.A.R.E.


Steve and I are part of a support group for people with early to moderate memory loss and their spouse. The group starts together and then breaks into separate groups for the caregiver and the caree. In my group, the caregiver has given us the acronym C.A.R. We should not confront, argue or rationalize with our caree. I am tired of being told what I can’t do, which I know probably makes me sound like ... Read More »

How Do I Answer Those Questions I Don’t Want to Answer?


Dear Denise, I care for my husband who has early stage Alzheimer’s disease. I’ve learned that others who ask me how my husband is doing really don’t want to know. Usually, I just tell those who ask that he’s doing amazingly well for someone who is almost 90. I also do not want to talk about my problems that I face every day because it seems disloyal to him, it’s none of their business and ... Read More »

Lost Time Is Never Found Again


Time Is What We Want Most But What We Used Worst…     William Penn This week we motored to the eye doctor for an appointment for TLO. This was a new doctor added to our portfolio as his previous eye doctor was no longer on the TLO’s insurance plan. Like many caregivers, I ended leaving work early in the afternoon to pick up TLO so that we could head west to the appointment. Twenty minutes from ... Read More »

I’m So Mad I Could…


Beth considered herself to be a composed person. She manages her position as a sales manager for a Fortune 500 company with confidence and savvy. Now that she’s managing her dad’s care, though, she’s a mess. An angry ball of mess, at that. “I’m so mad,” she writes in her blog. “Why is this happening to my dad? I get so angry that all I want to do is run away. How in the world ... Read More »

The Juggling Caregiver


Announcer’s Voice: Ladies and gentlemen! Today we bring you one of the most daring feats known to mankind.  We have with us a woman, measuring in at 5’ 1 1/2” who is going to try to dazzle you with her juggling, and not just any juggling! She is going to try to juggle two men! Yes, you heard that right! Previously, she has attempted juggling two men and a boy with less than impressive results, ... Read More »

Who Stands By You When it Hits the Fan? (Literally)


Here in Northern California it has been really hot. Unfortunately some days my mom, Grace, closes her vents if the air is on. She is always cold and wears layers of clothes that we have to peel off her at least four times a day. I try to explain to her that she will have a heat stroke  if she wears multiple  jackets and sweaters but she continues to dress like a Eskimo. At times ... Read More »

“Here I Come To Save The Day!”


“He’s so lucky to have someone like you helping him.”  I swear if I hear that line one more time this month I might lose my mind. I know people think that they are giving me a compliment, but it sure doesn’t feel like one. I realize my husband has a disability, but he’s not a moron. It’s our work together that has helped him the most. I am not here to save the day. ... Read More »

Caregiving Bloopers: George Michael and Graceldoor Return to the 80′s


We  live in a two-story house. Things that are upstairs should stay upstairs. One reason is it is too heavy to bring downstairs or if I put it downstairs it will get lost. Our downstairs is the Bermuda triangle for missing socks, earrings, abandoned neighborhood pets and dementia patients. (More on that later and also keep reading you’ll see why there is a picture of Wham over there.) My husband who is not superstitious or ... Read More »

Did I Eat That?


I wonder how many caregivers of people with dementia think they’re going crazy when they go to the fridge and can’t find their food, and are so exhausted and frustrated that they get teed off that someone else ate their food. This sounds funny at first, but when I’m so very tired and have gotten the food I want from the store, I want to have it when I go get it. I then hear, ... Read More »



You do your best to stay calm. But so much can go wrong in a caregiving day that’s it’s almost impossible not to panic. You can’t find what you need. You don’t understand what to do. You won’t be able to pay the bills. You can’t get a break. You don’t have enough hours in the day. You won’t be able to enjoy a night out and away from the stress. Your heart races, your ... Read More »