Stepping Into the Caregiving Size that Fits

Anna Stookey joined me yesterday on Your Caregiving Journey for our monthly chat. We discussed the importance of accepting today’s reality so we can wake up tomorrow in a good place. You can listen to our show via the player below. Anna shared a great example of what it’s like when we resist the reality of our today. It’s like how we may feel when we’ve gained weight, she said, and yet we...

Garage Conversion – On Hold (For Now)

It’s difficult for me to admit defeat so I’m just going with “on hold.” We have overcome many roadblocks so far but we just can’t overcome all of them. Many of you know that last summer I was so fed up with New Home and Robert’s inadequate care, my family and I decided to convert our garage so Robert could live with us. It seemed like such a simple idea . . . Hubby and I discussed converting the garage...

A Holly Day on Table Talk

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Holly, who cares for her husband, joined me for Table Talk. You can listen to our show via the player below. Our conversation today centered on trusting our life, which can seem utterly impossible when life seems too difficult or unfair. Holly shared that her life is better when she trusts, when she surrenders. When life seems tough to her, she’ll ask herself,...

Update: What’s Scary About Caregiving?

Our live call-in talk show airs at 7:30 p.m. ET (6:30 p.m. CT, 4:30 p.m. PT) tonight! We’re taking your answers to this question: What’s scary about caregiving? (Our show aired last night; you can listen to our show via the player below.) Call (646) 652-4944 to share during our live show. Or, join our show’s chat room to post your insight. If you’re on Twitter, you can tweet during the show using this...

Taking On Your Responsibilities

This morning, Anna Stookey joined me on Your Caregiving Journey to talk about responsibilities—and how not to take on the ones that aren’t ours. You can listen to our show via the player below. Dictionary.com define responsible as “answerable or accountable, as for something within one’s power, control, or management.” The key component of this definition, Anna said, is the second...

What Advice Would You Give to a Burnt-Out Family Caregiver?

Our live call-in talk show airs at 7:30 p.m. ET (6:30 p.m. CT, 4:30 p.m. PT) tonight! We’re taking your answers to this question: What advice would you give to a burnt-out caregiver? Call (646) 652-4944 to share during our live show. Or, join our show’s chat room to post your insight. If you’re on Twitter, you can tweet during the show using this hashtag: #caretalk. And, to thank you for calling in the...

Hand

Oh, you need a hand in caregiving. Some days, you wish you had three hands. Other days, you just wish someone would pitch in with their hands. And, other days, you hope caregiving is not something you ever have to hand to another. And, then you have those really tough days, when the hands of time either move too slow or too fast. When hands are too few or too slow or too fast, give yourself a hand. Know you that...

Tell Us: When Does Caregiving Steal Your Spirit?

Over the weekend, one of our Facebook fans shared what’s on her heart: “Does anyone feel like there spirit has been broken being a caregiver?,” she wrote. “I am doing what I need to do but I feel like my spirit is broken.” Caregiving can get the best of you in a day, when a phone call brings more bad news or a dementia behavior demands one more ounce of patience than you have. But,...

Surreal Cocoa School

Two weeks from today my school year will officially begin. Two weeks ago tomorrow Paul finished his second round of radiation. Today I have no idea who I am or what I’m doing in pretty much any regard. First, I’d like to thank everyone for the prayers and good wishes; this morning we actually moved some glass block into the bathroom and set up enough rows to be able to measure the total shower wall...

Tell Us: What Do You Take Too Seriously?

Heather begins her day the same way: Up at 5:30 a.m., shower, four bites of a granola bar, hair in a headband. Then, she dons the gloves, carefully and steadfastly placing each finger into the latex glove. She’s ready for the part of the day she dreads. She wakes her mom and begins the morning care. Her mom has intensive and extensive care needs, so morning care can take as long as 60 minutes. She guides...

Webinar Follow-Up: What’s Your New Answer?

In yesterday’s webinar, I shared a three-step process you can use to develop answers to those awful questions family members and friends may ask. Questions like, “Why don’t you put your caree in a nursing home?” and “Are you sure something’s wrong” and “Why don’t you get help?” If you missed yesterday’s webinar, you can listen to the recording here....

Noise

I have neighbors who live above me who make an incredible amount of noise. They make so much noise that all I hear is noise. What’s the noise you hear in your life? Your noise may be what you hear between your ears (“This is too hard”) or what others put between your ears (“You look like this is too much for you”). It’s that kind of noise that seems to demand constant quieting....

Done

You’ll have those days when you want to throw up your hands, scream “I’m Done,” and then just walk out the door, never to return. You’re done with caregiving. It could be that the day just became too much of not enough going well. It could be that the day included unhelpful comments from unsupportive family members. Or, it could be that you couldn’t get out and, wow!, did you...

Tell Us: What’s It Like for You With Family?

Caringlizi, one of our members, wrote yesterday: Dealing with my husband’s progressing brain tumor is bad enough, but I just don’t know what to do with his family.  I feel so invisible at times, bullied at others.  Not sure if I want to hide in the closet or yell. Can anybody relate? Sometimes, managing the family (yours, your caree’s) can seem like managing a regiment of complicated...

Dear New Home:

Who decided it would be a good thing to treat the family of one of your residents as if they were someone to be patted on the head and told, “There, there.  Don’t worry your pretty little head about this.”  Let’s review events since move-in three months ago:  You changed his medication schedule because it would be more convenient for you (and, oops! surprise! he had more seizures!).  You...

A Tool to Measure Pain in Persons with Dementia

I attended a workshop this morning called “Challenging Behaviors and Creative Responses” led by Dan Kuhn, LCSW and author of Alzheimer’s Early Stages: First Steps for Family, Friends and Caregivers. I learned a few tips, which I’ll share over the next few days. Today, I wanted to share a tool clinicians use to measure pain in persons with dementia who, as the disease progresses, often cannot...

You’re the Coach

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Holly, who cares for her husband who has frontotemporal dementia, joined me for Table Talk. She helped to answer the questions: How much do I push my caree? How do I know how much he or she can handle? (You can listen to our show, via the player below.) Holly shared several suggestions, including eliminating a question when assigning tasks. Meaning, instead of asking her...

Survey Says Caregiving a Chance to Give Back

One-half of caregivers of individuals with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia surveyed for a new caregiver study find an equal balance of positive and negative experiences in their caregiving. One-third (33 percent) say their caregiving experience is more positive than negative. The 2011 report, “Caregivers of Individuals with Alzheimer’s or Dementia,” which was presented at a briefing on Capitol Hill today,...

Did I Say That Out Loud?

I would love to only write about Robert’s good side and how sweet and polite he is and how he ends every conversation with “God Bless You.” The fact is he gets pretty cranky and stubborn and angry at times. Wait a minute . . . sounds like me on a bad day. (Shhh! Don’t tell my hubby I admitted that!)  Today I received a call from Day Program telling me Robert had an “accident” and since they didn’t...

“Ten Glorious Seconds”

“Ten Glorious Seconds” is a short film about living with Alzheimers and those deminishing moments of clarity which occur. Received this in my inbox and after viewing I really wanted to share here with others who could connect and understand.  Many of us who deal with a loved one (or loved ones) with dementia have experienced those special moments of clarity and we so treasure...

Can I Have My Brother, Please? Please?

New Home is starting to really get on my bad side. That’s not a good side to be on (just ask my hubby!) .  We got through the medication issues and New Home seems to be giving Robert his medicine when he’s supposed to have it. I haven’t seen the extreme seizure activity that he had and that’s the best way of confirming what they’re telling me. I also think I have finally convinced them to change his...

Poll: What’s Hard to Accept?

In yesterday’s free webinar, “Surviving Caregiving: The Power of Acceptance,” we looked at ways to move to acceptance so that caregiving seems doable rather than just plain awful. So, in this week’s poll, I wonder: What’s hard to accept? Please vote in our poll below and feel free to share your thoughts in our comments section. (You can listen to a recording of our webinar here.) ...