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Tag Archives: guilt

Not Jeannie or a Genie


I am not Jeannie, as in I Dream of Jeannie, nor am I a genie. I do not grant wishes, I don’t look like Barbara Eden, I don’t live in a bottle or a lamp, and I don’t have a master. I think I’ve given the wrong impression that I might be a genie, though. Either that, or my husband thinks he is Captain Picard from Star Trek: The Next Generation. Many times during the ... Read More »

Caregiving Ain’t for Sissies

It’s Sunday, usually a day to brew coffee, sit on the porch in dual recliners and take time to read the newspaper. (Yeah, we are old fashioned here and love putting our feet up and sharing the Sunday paper while drinking strong coffee.) But today, like many days lately, the paper gets read late in the day or not at all. Mom is still in rehab and I feel like we are spinning our wheels. ... Read More »

I Want to Go Home

“I want to go home.” You hear the words when you visit your caree in the nursing home or at your home in the afternoon when your caree’s confusion increases or on sad days when your caree just longs for a life that’s gone. Five small words that feel like a dagger in the heart. How do you answer? Some ideas to help you form your answer: 1. The temptation may be to stop the ... Read More »

To Be Frozen or Not to Be Frozen…What Shall I Do?


Good Morning, everyone. There is always a lapse in time between my posts, but as I am sure everyone here knows, time can run and pass and before you know it, it’s been a month, or two…. Smokey is okay. Still on IV’s and peg feedings although we have been trying to transition to liquid food. I bought a Nutribullet, well, I charged it, and I do not like to charge anything unless I believe ... Read More »

Balancing a Caree on One Side, Children on the Other


Becky does her best to juggle her three kids and her elderly mom. But without fail she feels like she drops the ball just about every day. And, the balls she drops seem to always involve the kids. Can I do this, she wonders, can I care for my mother and raise my children? The sandwich generation–those who care for family members while raising children–experience a tough balancing act. Children, with their enthusiasm and zest ... Read More »

How Do I Get Rid of the Guilt?


On a regular basis, family caregivers will ask me: How do I deal with all this guilt? Because it can seem like caregiving is a party of three: You, your caree and your guilt. You may feel guilty for what you have that your caree no longer does: Good health, friends who call you, activities you can enjoy. You also may feel guilty for what you can’t do for your caree. You can’t take away ... Read More »

The Juggling Caregiver


Announcer’s Voice: Ladies and gentlemen! Today we bring you one of the most daring feats known to mankind.  We have with us a woman, measuring in at 5’ 1 1/2” who is going to try to dazzle you with her juggling, and not just any juggling! She is going to try to juggle two men! Yes, you heard that right! Previously, she has attempted juggling two men and a boy with less than impressive results, ... Read More »

I’m Sorry, Grandma. Tomorrow Will Be Better.


(Tonight, we welcome a new blogger, Denine. You can connect with her on her profile: @denine120.) Friday, July 12, 2013 I felt resentful for the first time today. Less than a month ago, I was performing onstage in the Dominican Republic with a Christian hip hop dance group before an audience of close to 1,000 people. Today, I officially resigned from my missionary position and became the primary caregiver for my grandmother. Do I know ... Read More »

Tell Me Something I Don’t Know


Mike had to go and see his regular GP yesterday for a follow-up. I am glad that he has found a doctor whom he trusts, because he does NOT like change, he does not like being made to explain himself repeatedly and I would be hard-pressed to call him patient. The fact that we have found a family doctor whom Mike will listen to is a miracle in itself. Guess who had a resident with her today? ... Read More »

The Test

medical kit

Tomorrow I’m having a colonoscopy. From here on out we’re referring to it as The Test because c-o-l-o-n-o-s-c-o-p-y is too much to type. This has been scheduled since early last month. I let Steve and our son know and had already arranged for a friend to take me for the appointment. She’s not a morning person, yet, she’s picking me up at 7:15 tomorrow morning. What a friend! Most of the time, Steve’s memory issues ... Read More »



Some days, you can feel like the victim of fraud and the perpetrator is your life. On a day when nothing goes right and nothing feels the same, you think, “I got cheated out of a good life.” Other days, you can feel like you commit the fraud. You’ll hear, “You are a saint to do what you do.” Which makes you feel guilty and fake at the same time as you think, “Well, when ... Read More »

Get Help So You Don’t Miss Your Life


This afternoon on Your Caregiving Journey, @angelaholmes (Angela) joined me to share her caregiving story. You can listen to our show via the player, below. For Angela, caregiving began at age four, when she helped her grandfather. She continued to help throughout high school, visiting her uncle, who had muscular dystrophy, until his death. She helped care for her grandmother, who died soon after her mom had a stroke. Her mom has lived with Angela, ... Read More »

When You Give, You Give Hope


This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, @tstallone joined me for Table Talk. You can listen to our show via the player, below. Teresa shared her caregiving story, the challenges she encountered in trying to help her mom get better and the importance of getting to know her mom as she is now. It’s been a long road for Teresa and her mom and, as you know, those long roads can be difficult to stay on. ... Read More »

Is It Right If It Could Be Wrong?


On Tuesday morning, Anna Stookey joined me for our monthly chat on Your Caregiving Journey. On this show, we discussed this question: How do I make a decision that could be right for me but perhaps wrong for my caree? You can listen to our show via the player, below. (Note: You’ll hear that I wasn’t feeling well during our show–I’m better today–and we lost Anna at the end of the show because her phone ... Read More »

Moving from Worry and Guilt to Help


This morning, on Your Caregiving Journey, Janice, who cares for her mom, joined me for Table Talk. You can listen to our show via the player below. Janice is a single mom to two teenagers who operates her own business, Janice Goldsborough Consulting, and cares for her mom. I met Janice in Winnipeg last week; we both presented at a caregiving conference sponsored by Rupert’s Land Caregiver Services. During our show, Janice shared her worries ... Read More »

To Everything Turn, Turn, Turn: The Darker Side of My Caregiving Journey


To everything there is a season. Twists and turns. Times when the bond between me and my loved one (my caree/wife) is deep and other times when it is constricted and vapid. Such has been the recent case. However, it’s been a pattern for a long time, exacerbated dramatically when I had no choice but to have her placed in a nursing home. She was extremely angry at me. I think she still is deep down. Besides having ... Read More »

How Do You Change?


On Wednesday, Bette and I aired our call-in show on Your Caregiving Journey. Bette asked listeners to answer this question: How do you make a necessary change? You can listen to our show via the player below. During the show, we talked about why we resist change, including how hard it can be to admit a change is needed. We also may hang on too long to what isn’t working simply because of the fear ... Read More »



Sheesh, after all the planning and prepping and packing and organizing, I need a vacation! Oh, wait . . . Yay!  I am going on vacation! This isn’t going to be any vacation, either, but a vacation of a lifetime.  Both daughters graduated from college this year and have planned a trip to Europe as a celebration for years. Hubby and I are tagging along (partly due to a generous gift from Other Brother and ... Read More »

Understanding and Meeting Your Emotional Needs


On Friday morning, Ellen Burton and I continued our four-part series, Understanding and Meeting Your Needs. This month, we focused on helping you understand and then meet your emotional needs. Ellen suggested beginning your day with a simple question, “How do I feel?” Once you understand the feeling, you can decide if you need what you need. Ellen reminded us that our feelings change throughout the day; it’s important that we allow room for those ... Read More »

Letting Go


This morning, Anna Stookey joined me on Your Caregiving Journey to talk about why it’s so hard to let go. You can listen to our show via the player below. Our discussion geared on letting go when we know we’re at the end–of a job, a relationship, of life. We talked about the tension that can come from resisting the end and the relief we can feel when we let go. When we hold on ... Read More »

Ask Denise: Where Do I Spend Easter Morning?


Dear Denise, Easter will be the first holiday for us that my mother is not able to attend church. I’m struggling with how I should manage the day. I have an aide who could stay with her while my family and I attend services. But, then I wonder: Should I stay home with her instead? How do I make the right decision? Hi, Oh, this is a tough one–you truly want to be in two ... Read More »

Ask Denise: How Can Things Feel Better?


Dear Denise, My caree recently experienced a severe decline. I contacted and suggested my family come. One family member questioned why come, she wouldn’t know and talked about the relief it will be for her and the family when the fight is over. The other said he would come and say what’s needed and then need to go. Caregiving for me has had some challenges over the years. Over the past two plus years, I’ve ... Read More »