Can You Be Happy, When It’s Serious?

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, our happiness expert, joined us to discuss happiness during life’s serious times. When life becomes serious because of a serious illness, we might feel we must always be serious—that laughter and happiness disrespect the seriousness of life. So… how do we embrace happiness during our life’s dark times? Elizabeth encouraged...

Dear Denise: She Calls, I Blow Up. What Do I Do?

Dear Denise, I am having so much trouble dealing with my mom’s cancer and dementia. I just cannot keep my cool. She makes things up and tells me the nurses and doctors told her then I have to follow up and find out she got it all wrong. I get so stressed out. She calls and blows my whole day for me and I cannot get over it. Hi, You’re in a stressful situation, trying to do your best when it can be hard...

We Are Not Alone

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one’.” -C.S. Lewis

Having a Happy

It’s Saturday, the day we commit to embracing happy moments in our day. Be sure to tell us in our comments section how you had a happy today. And, on Table Talk, Meryl, our newest family caregiver to blog, joined me to talk about her caregiving experiences. You can listen to our show via the player below. Related Articles In Caregiving, Finding Happiness in the Details (caregiving.com) When the Bombs...

10 Tips to Ease the Pressure-Cooker Holiday: Hoping for Perfect

You want it to be nice, unforgettable, special, as close to perfect as possible. Surely, there can’t be that many more left for both of you to enjoy. But, the pressure to make it perfect can ruin any well-intentioned holiday, be it Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or Christmas. And, the pressure intensifies because of those thoughts in the back of your head: How many more holidays will we have with Dad (or your...

Respite Space

We have had quite a number of guest speakers in our caregiving class. One such was an architect who specializes in universal design. One of her concepts is that our homes should have designated spaces. There are “dangerous spaces”; there should be at least one “safe space” and at least one “respite space”. What are dangerous and safe spaces? A “dangerous space” is any area or room which the caree...

If End-Of-Life Were a Diagnosis…

…then living life for the caree and the family caregiver during the life of caregiving would be so much easier. Here’s why: If end-of-life were a diagnosis, we would know when a caree has a year to live. Then, six months. Then, a few weeks. Then, a few days. When we know these magic numbers, we know: 1. When to take a break for a vacation; 2. When to take leave from a job; 3. When to call family members...

Ask the Nurse: Should My Mom Get a Feeding Tube?

Yesterday afternoon, on Your Caregiving Journey, Jeannie Keenan of My Health Care Manager, joined us to answer your questions. (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post.) We had four questions, but spent our time tackling a tough one: I care for my mom, who has advanced dementia. She will periods, some times lasting a few days, where she won’t eat. The doctor has suggested a feeding...

Kicking the Guilt Trip

Today on Your Caregiving Journey, Bette joined us to talk about her caregiving days. (You can listen to Bette’s previous appearances here and here. You can listen to today’s show via the player at the bottom of the post.) During our previous shows, Bette spoke about the guilt she feels when she leaves her mother. Today, she spoke about how she leaves—and leaves without guilt. Overcoming her guilt...

Everyday is Today and the World is One that You’ve Made

I read with interest a recent blog post here discussing gerotranscendence vs cognitive decline. I confess I had to read it a several times, look up the meaning of gerotranscendence and I’ve given up on ever being able to pronounce that “G” word. But I think I understand and I can definitely appreciate what was said. For my parents there are no longer seasons of the year, days of the weeks or hours of the...

Holding Happiness

It’s Saturday! And, it’s the last Saturday in August. So, how will you make today special with a special moment of happiness? Please share in our comments section, below. And, you can listen to Table Talk, which aired this morning, via the player at the bottom of the post. Today, I answered three questions for you: If my caree isn’t happy, have I failed? Do I fit? And, how much do I...

Ask the Nurse

Yesterday, on Your Caregiving Journey, Nancy Hanley of My Health Care Manager, took your questions. (You can listen to our show via the player below). The questions she answered included: 1. I’ve been through so many home health aides! I need to find good help for my mom so I can go to work. I’ve had lazy aides, incompetent aides and aides with an attitude. Is it possible to find good help? 2. I want to...

Three Voices of Caregiving

Today, on Your Caregiving Journey, we held our monthly book club discussion. In July, we read  “Voices of Caregiving, the Healing Companion: Stories for Courage, Comfort and Strength.” Today, contributors Nancy Hoke, M.C. Winters and Marc Silver talked about their caregiving experiences. You can listen to our hour-long show via the player at the bottom of the post. Each told a different story of caregiving;...

Tell Us: What Do You Wish Would Just Get Easier?

Maybe it’s something you’ve been doing for years for your caree, like transferring him or her from bed to commode or preparing a special pureed meal. But every time you face the bed or the blender, you think: I just wish this would get easier. Or, perhaps it’s a moment during the day that still catches you, that hits you hard, that makes you think: I wish this would stop hurting so much. Today,...

How… Will You Be Stronger?

We often talk about a shortcoming that we want to improve or change. We may feel impatient, so work to gain more patience. We may feel we rush too much through our day, so want to slow down. We may feel we are quick to criticize, so commit to focusing on holding our tongue. Certainly, we can gain by working on our weaknesses. What if, though, we looked at our strengths and said: This is working really well for me....

Making the Best Decision During Tough Circumstances

This afternoon, on Your Caregiving Journey, we spoke with Linda Rosen, a long-distance family caregiver for her mom. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. Our discussion focused on Linda’s decision to find an assisted living facility for her mom. You’ll hear in her voice how tough the situation—and decision—was for her. A few thoughts from our...

Tell Us: Do You Try to Play God?

Yesterday’s USA Today featured a Q&A interview with Gail Sheehy about her new book, “Passages in Caregiving,” and her experience caring for her husband. The interviewer asked Sheehy: “You write about caregivers who go solo and try to play God. Why does that backfire?” Sheehy answered, “As long as you are catching mistakes and bird-dogging everything, you feel important....

We’re Also Taking a Break from Guilt

This week, we break for spring. Let’s also take a break from guilt! Let’s commit to making decisions that honor us and our priorities without guilt. Let’s take a break from believing others judge our decisions and actions, which can lead us to question what we’re doing and how we’re doing it. And, that, of course, leads to guilt. Let’s enjoy a reprieve from believing others know...

“Either…Or” Can Become “And”

In caregiving, the world can seem to consist of “either…or.” The world, then, might become these thoughts: Either I put my needs second or my caree doesn’t have his needs met. Either I stay with my caree constantly or bad things will happen. Either I put my life on hold or my caree will not have what he needs when he needs it. Thinking these statements is much different than reading them. When you...

Ask Denise: Should Mom Come Home to My Home?

Dear Denise, I’m not really sure how to work myself around the site yet. However, I wanted to tell you my story and ask for some advice. My mother that had a massive stroke last year. It left her paralyzed on her dominant side and considerable amount of brain damage. She also shows signs of Alzheimer’s. She is currently in a nursing home and very, very depressed. I want to bring her home to take care of...

Even If a Choice, It’s Still Difficult

Today on Your Caregiving Journey, Donna Ryan joined us to talk about her recent trip to Atlanta with her mom. (You can listen to our discussion via the player at the bottom of this post.) Toward the end of the show, we talked about the worry about discussing caregiving with non-caregiving friends. With the worry comes the concern that complaining could be misinterpreted as being disrespectful to a caree. This...

Ask Denise: Is the Guilt About Self-Esteem?

Dear Denise, I’ve been reading the recent discussion about guilt. I do schedule time away from my caree, but feel guilty for doing so—even though I know I want and need the time away. I wonder: Is feeling guilty related to self-esteem? Hello, What a great question. The short answer: Yes. Let’s break it down. Here’s the good about your guilt: Your ability to feel guilty shows your great...