After removing what’s in our way, it’s wonderful to organize what we have. With an organized home, day and mind, we can move more gracefully within our moments. For me, I’m going to organize:

1. My goals, so I know which to pursue first.
2. My paperwork, so I’m ready to file my taxes this month.

With organization, you have what you need, which means you are ready for the possibilities and opportunities coming your way.

Please share your action plan for February in our comments section, below.

(Would you like to join our Happiness Project, now in its second year? We’d love to have you! Just go here to join.)

With the holidays behind us, let’s look at what’s in our way (in our house, in our relationships, in our life) and then remove it (or them). For me, I’m going to remove:

1. My worries.
2. My doubts.

Removing what gets in your way means you can see new possibilities, find new solutions, move to a healthier day.

Please share your action plan for January in our comments section, below.

(Would you like to join our Happiness Project, now in its second year? We’d love to have you! Just go here to join.)

Related Articles

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With holidays and a New Year ahead of us, let’s create new traditions and rituals. I’m going to create:

1. A way to celebrate every day;
2. A ritual that reminds me of my priorities and values.

Please share your action plan for December in our comments section, below.

(Would you like to join our Happiness Project, now in its second year? We’d love to have you! Just go here to join.)

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When you walk down the path of forgiveness, you gain an understanding. You understand another–their perspective, their baggage, their reasons. More importantly, you understand yourself. We started the process of forgiveness during September to be ready for the holidays. The understanding you gain will also help you during the holidays.

For me, I’m going to understand:

1. My mother better. I know her, but sometimes I don’t quite understand her. I’d like to.
2. What pushes my button. I’d like to better understand why I get aggravated and irritated when I do. When I understand, I will communicate more effectively to avoid the button pushing.

Please share your commitments in October in our comments section, below.

Would you like to join our Happiness Project, now in its second year? We’d love to have you! Just go here to join.

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Mom: He’d too old to go anywhere, he better just stay here.

Me: Mom it’s Dad’s birthday today, he’s 90 years old.

Mom: After today we’ll have another Birthday for him next week.

Me: I think turning 90 once is good enough. You’re going to wear Dad out.

Me: Mom it’s Dad’s birthday today, he’s 90 years old.

Mom: Well how old am I?

Me: You’re 85 years old.

Mom: Noooooo, I’m not that old.

Me: Ok, you’re 85 years young.

Me: Mom it’s Dad’s birthday today, he’s 90 years old.

Mom: WHAT?!? How’d he get to be that old?

Me: One day at a time, Mom, one day at a time.

Dad didn’t say much the entire time, he just listened to Mom and I go back and forth and chuckled. He kept looking at the tag I’d placed around his neck which had his age on it as if even he couldn’t believe he’d achieved such a milestone.

And yes, I did whisper in his ear several times…”I love you, Pop-pop.  Happy Birthday!”

Forgiving is about releasing yourself from past pain and walking into your today with compassion and peace. I think September is a great month to work on forgiveness so that you can enter the holiday months with acceptance and calm. Forgiveness will help you enjoy the holidays.

For me, I’m going to forgive:

1. My older sister. Forgiving my older sister is an ongoing activity for me; I would like to continue so I don’t get in a grudge.
2. Myself for my mistakes.
3. As often as necessary.

Please share your commitments in September in our comments section, below.

Would you like to join our Happiness Project, now in its second year? We’d love to have you! Just go here to join.

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For me, I’m going to connect:

1. How thoughts about my challenges make my challenges harder.
2. With other small business owners so I have access to help and resources.
3. My day’s choices with how the day is going.

I look forward to hearing how you’ll connect in August; please share in our comments section, below.

Would you like to be a part of our Happiness Project? We’d love to have you! For details and to sign up, go here.

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Elizabeth shared ideas on help to manage the stress so that you can heal your physical pain. She spoke of a client who developed a headache at 5 p.m. on the days she cared for her mom (she shared the care with her sister). The stress of personal care, with a caree who could be difficult, caused the headache. So, the client and Elizabeth put together a plan to help prevent the headache: At 3:30 p.m., the client spent time enjoying an activity (like painting) important to her.

We also spoke about how the thought, “I can’t do this,” can really cause us debilitating stress. When we take steps to feel better (like exercising, deep breathing, meditation), then we begin to believe in ourselves and our abilities. That type of confidence can really help us feel like we’re winning, rather than losing, in our lives.

I’d love to know: Do you have a time during the day when the stress of caregiving takes its toll on you physically? What have you done to feel better? Will you try some of the suggestions offered during the show? Please share your thoughts and stories in our comments section, below.

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8 Maxims of Strength and Comfort for Alzheimer’s Caregivers by Duke University social worker Lisa Gwyther.

Focus on what’s left, not what’s lost.

– My parents are still here.  When they don’t know who I am, when my Dad questions me about my deceased wife not remembering his attendance at her funeral or my Mom asks me who is my mother, it feels as if my parents have already died but they haven’t.  They are alive.  Many can no longer say that.  I am blessed.

Good things and joy can happen to those who have Alzheimer’s.

– Everyone who interacts with my parents comments on how happy they are.  It would be fair to say many days, my parents are doing better than I am.  I find this even more remarkable given that my parents are residents of an Alzheimer’s facility.  It is depressing when I think of what my parents were and what they had and where they are now.  Yet my parents aren’t overly upset about it.  They still inquire about going home but they did that before they entered the facility.  It wouldn’t matter where they live.  Wherever they were they’d still be trying to leave.  Meanwhile my parents are teaching me to find joy in the moment and the pleasure of simplicity.

You, not your relative, will need to change.

– Actually we both have changed but I get the point.  I have the option to make voluntary changes that make the best of our situation.  My parents do not.  Most of their changes, lost of memory, loss of mobility, loss of functions, are involuntary.

Don’t distress — de-stress.

– Perhaps the hardest of the points.  When I see so much that needs to be done, it’s so easy to internalize, but detrimental too.  My parents need me to take care of myself even as I care for them.

Your life is now about adapting to a chronic condition — creating a “new normal.”

– Diabetics take insulin and prick their fingers.  When I started having trouble reading fine print I wore reading glasses.  If it were Asthma, I’d use an inhaler.  Simplistic comparisons but then my parents dementia isn’t a battle I can fight.  It is a chronic and gradually deteriorating condition for which there is no cure.  I must adapt.  With the help of doctors and facility staff I can manage symptoms and side affects.  I can show Mom and Dad honor and unconditional love.  I can do little more.  This is our “new normal.”

This is the rainy day for which you have saved.

– When I was very young I worried that since I was the youngest child, I was going to get stuck caring for Mom and Dad.  Now I view it as a privilege but have to admit I never thought I’d end up living in the town I’ve made home.  Our family plans were to depart soon after retiring from the military.  My wife died before those plans could ever be realized.  The need for family stability and recover kept us in place post military retirement.  With the addition of custody of my parents and their placement in a local facility, any thoughts about moving left forever.  I’m at peace with that.  I expect to die and be buried here along side my wife.  Looking back I can see many ways in which the past has prepared me for this place and this time.  I didn’t realize it at the time but my bucket list had one item in it, “care for my family.” Denise would be quick to remind me that there is life after caregiving.  I don’t disagree.  I just can’t look at it right now.  I have to live in my moment.

There are no perfect answers, no perfect families.

– This site is proof enough of this.  Here I see nearly every imaginable approach to caregiving.  From lots of family involvement, to going it alone; facility or in home; caring for a spouse, child, parent, even a friend; it’s all here and no option is better than the other.  Sure there’s room for improvement but we each take the options before us and make the best of them.  Voltaire was on to something when he said, “the perfect is the enemy of the good.”  Which I think naturally leads to the last point, one I’ve had to remind myself of frequently.

Memorize this: “I did what seemed best at the time.”

For me, I’m going to say:

1. What I want.

2. How I feel when I’m feeling good.

3. My gratitudes every day.

I look forward to hearing what you’ll resolve in June; please share in our comments section, below.

Would you like to be a part of our Happiness Project? We’d love to have you! For details and to sign up, go here.

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