Tell Us: What Do You Want?

Last night, I attended a workshop led by Dr. Ann Clancy. During her presentation, Ann shared her definition of worry. Worry, she said, is the habit of focusing on what you don’t want. And, then, the light went on for me. Of course, we worry because we think that what we don’t want to happen will do just that—happen. We spend so much time thinking about what we don’t want that we forget to...

You’re the Coach

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Holly, who cares for her husband who has frontotemporal dementia, joined me for Table Talk. She helped to answer the questions: How much do I push my caree? How do I know how much he or she can handle? (You can listen to our show, via the player below.) Holly shared several suggestions, including eliminating a question when assigning tasks. Meaning, instead of asking her...

When Hiring Help, What’s Your Deal Breaker?

When you’re hiring a caregiver, what’s the deal breaker? What trait or characteristic of the caregiver means you won’t hire him or her? Perhaps your deal-breaker is that a caregiver doesn’t have experience caring for a person with Alzheimer’s and your caree has Alzheimer’s. Maybe your deal-breaker is that the caregiver doesn’t have a car and you need the caregiver to...

An Insight About Those Who Help You

PHI, an organization which works to strengthen the U.S.’s long-term care direct-care workforce, released an analysis (pdf) of the direct-care workforce. The direct-care workforce are those individuals who help you provide care to your care, in your home, in your caree’s home or in the nursing home. They are the home health aides you hire to provide and the certified nursing assistants the nursing home...

When Caregiving Goes Front Page

Thanks to G-J for sharing a front-page article from today’s The Orange County Register (Can Dementia Turn Mercy Into Killing?). The story profiles family caregivers of persons with dementia and Alzheimer’s because of two recent events in the Orange County community: “The Nov. 21 fatal shooting of an 86-year-old Seal Beach woman, Cara Laird, with late-stage dementia, allegedly at the hands of her ...

A Holly Holiday

This morning on Table Talk, Holly joined us to talk about her holiday flow. You can listen to our show via the player, below. (We went over on time; our live show ended at 30 minutes, but our informal conversation continued for another 10 minutes or so on the podcast.) During our conversation, Holly and I talked about communicating a caree’s changes to visiting family members and friends. So, I wonder: How do...

We’re All Doing Our Best

Today, on Table Talk, Harriet Di Cerbo joined me to talk about the idea that everyone is doing their best. This can be a hard premise to swallow when you’re the only one who’s taken on caregiving responsibilities in your family. How in the world can other family members really be doing their best? You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. I began our discussion by sharing...

Get Rid of the Bad Hands

I was watching the The Millionaire Matchmaker the other night. (I watch bad TV.) In this particular episode, the matchmaker worked with a poker player (a woman) looking for love. We followed the poker player on a date with a nice man, who asked her: What’s the trick to being a successful poker player? Quickly get rid of a bad hand,  she said. Bingo, I thought. That’s not just a poker player’s...

On Veteran’s Day, a Closer Look at Veterans’ Family Caregivers

A report released yesterday by The United Health Foundation in collaboration with the National Alliance for Caregiving, takes a closer look at the family caregivers of our nation’s veterans. The study, Caregivers of Veterans – Serving on the Homefront, surveyed family caregivers of veterans, including those veterans who served in WWII  as well as during the most recent wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Key...

The Power of Requesting Right

This afternoon on Your Caregiving Journey, Beth Ruske, a managing partner at Tiara Coaching, joined us to help us make clearer and more powerful requests for help. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. Beth shared the four reasons that stop women from asking for help: 1. The biggest obstacle is the fear of rejection, of hearing “no.” If a man receives a “no” to his request, he...

Answers from the Nurse

On Thursday, Jeannie Keenan of My Health Care Manager joined me on Your Caregiving Journey to take your questions. During the show, Jeannie and I answered these questions: 1. I’ve been through so many home health aides! I need to find good help for my mom so I can go to work. I’ve had lazy aides, incompetent aides and aides with an attitude. Is it possible to find good help? 2. I’m just beginning...

Our Diaper Party

On Saturday, we attended a baby diaper party for my niece, Katie, thrown by her sister, Audra.These two, both pregnant, have been a tremendous help to me, coming to help with cleaning. I was struggling with trying to manage everything when a counselor advised me to ask for help. “After all, the worst thing that can happen is that they can say no.” So I called the girls and asked for just a little help...

Is Caregiving a Secret in Our Communities?

I received a very nice email over the weekend from a colleague who forwards information about our site’s activities to her colleagues, which includes ministers at her local churches. She forwards the information so they have resources to share with their church members in a caregiving role. In response to her messages, they write back, telling her “thanks, but no thanks.” They tell her they...

How Will You Embrace Your Limits?

Yesterday, during our free webinar, Lasting Caregiving: Embrace Your Limits, we changed how we look at limits. Limits don’t take away. They make the way. (Did you miss yesterday’s webinar? No worries; you can view and listen to the recording here.) So, if you attended yesterday’s webinar, I would love to know: What’s different for you today? How will you apply what we discussed in your day...

Three Voices of Caregiving

Today, on Your Caregiving Journey, we held our monthly book club discussion. In July, we read  “Voices of Caregiving, the Healing Companion: Stories for Courage, Comfort and Strength.” Today, contributors Nancy Hoke, M.C. Winters and Marc Silver talked about their caregiving experiences. You can listen to our hour-long show via the player at the bottom of the post. Each told a different story of caregiving;...

Break With Us on Your Journey

This morning, Donna Ryan joined us for a summer break discussion on Your Caregiving Journey. You can listen to our discussion via the player at the bottom of the post. Donna talked about the thoughts behind a recent decision to get more help in caring for her mom. She spoke honestly about the difficulty in asking for help while still understanding why more help will help. As a bonus, she also shared a recipe and a...

Exemplary Programs that Support, Educate Family Caregivers Honored

Representatives from leading aging organizations and agencies from around the nation convened in St. Louis today to honor the 2010 winners of the National Family Caregiving Awards, sponsored by the National Alliance for Caregiving with support from MetLife Foundation. The programs were recognized for their innovation, effectiveness, and response to caregiver needs in their communities. “We were thrilled...

Ask Denise: How Do I Find a Good Caregiver for My Mom?

Dear Denise, How do I find a support group? I am also in need of a good caregiver for my mom who lives with me. Any direction you can provide would be appreciated. Hello, This article has suggestions and links to resources on finding a caregiver. And, these sites include directories of caregivers for hire: Sitter City Care.com Caregiver List We have online support groups; we’d love for you to join;...

Truth and Dare

Today on Your Caregiving Journey, Anna Stookey joined us to continue our conversation about getting more help. You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. Last month, we spoke about Self-Sufficiency Syndrome. Today, we took a closer look at those in the family who don’t help. And, as happens, when we look at others we turn to ourselves. Anna shared an important an insight this...

Recovering from SSS and Facing Our Fears

This morning on Your Caregiving Journey, Anna Stookey joined us to talk about Self-Sufficiency Syndrome (SSS), “an inability and unwillingness to ask for help or delegate because of the belief that no one can do it as well as you can.” You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post. We spoke about the reasons why we may suffer from SSS, including: 1. We become the source of knowledge...

Tell Us: What’s the Most Bizarre Part of Your Caregiving Experience?

Spending so much time with your care recipient may unearth behaviors or situations or habits that are, well, just bizarre. The behaviors may be related to a disease process; the habits, to a way of life. Either way, you keep these to yourself because, well, who you would believe you? But, the keeping in can keep you feeling shame about a situation undeserving of it. It also keeps you from knowing that most...

Ask Denise: How Do I Resolve a Huge Mess?

Dear Denise, My mother and dad have been taking care of my disabled brother for almost 9 years. She is 76, he is 81. My mother has several serious health issues, heart, high B.P., and diabetes. She had a T.I.A. two years ago and is on blood thinners. Mom (who was an RN) refuses to hire adequate nurses and aides to take care of my brother and now, herself. She could easily afford it. She just hopes that one night...