This morning, on Table Talk, we talked about hope. (You can listen to the show via the player at the bottom of the post.)

We spoke about hope because Derek and Bette wrote about hope earlier this week. In his post, Derek wrote:

“You know, one of the most difficult to process for me has been the loss of hope; it must one of those things you don’t realize you have until something diminishes or destroys it. It must have been at the foundation of everything we’ve been doing. In addition to the actual loss, will we also have to navigate the loss of hope?”

I asked for your feedback on Twitter and on the website: How do you define “hope”?

Here’s the feedback from Twitter:

ValueIntoWords: Hope is the fuel to KEEP TRYING!

TrueLoveQuest: Hope for the elderly come from their belief that their love still has value. It is important that they never lose this hope.

_MlleB: Hope is believing that a better future is possible, without the rigidity of expectations.

ElderCareRN: Hope is that barely noticeable grasp on the idea that goodness will come again, which gives us the courage to go on.

And, here’s the feedback from the website:

Sharon:
I do not think of the word “hope” like it is usually used. It is not just wishing for something which you are not sure you will receive. Hope is looking forward with surety to what we do not yet possess. Hope is sort of the same thing as faith. I know with 100 percent certainty that my husband and my mother-in-law will some day be healed. Most likely that will not be in this life, but there is life beyond this life.

Donna Ryan:
HOPE to me is not knowing what is going to happen but still feel anticipation and excitement. It’s sort of like receiving a gift with a pretty bow and wrapping. You don’t know what is inside or what to expect and you feel excited with the anticipation of what you will find. There are gifts you love and are excited to have received, then there are some that you have to pretend you love when you hate it, and some you have down right hated.

That is how life is anxiously wishing for the best but knowing that life gives us some so-so moments and some really bad moments. Those days can bring you down but oh, when the perfect day occasionally arrives, days full of sunshine and hours full of happiness where everything went perfectly fine that is hope to me. You then wish and wake up tomorrow with thoughts of perhaps another good day like that will be here again soon.

Hope to me is getting through each day anticipating good things but knowing we can deal should the gift be not-so-hot!!!

Donna Webb:
Hebrews 11:1 says, Faith is the substance of things hoped for. That means that when we hope for something—whatever it is—that hope is filled with faith. We have faith. We believe that the thing will come to pass. The Bible also says, hope deferred makes the heart sick; we need to hope and continue to hope.

Bette:
“Hope” is a wonderful word, maybe the meaning just changes a bit in caregiving, but doesn’t have to go away. I have to hang on to the fact that we give our carees hope everyday. Hope in living in an environment that gives them comfort. We are there for them. I guess sometimes hope can take on a new meaning. The meaning comes from us.

From me, written a few years ago:
Do you sometimes wonder if hope is friend or foe?

You hope, but your hopes don’t seem to materialize. You hope a sibling will be more sensitive to all you do, you hope your care recipient will know more pain-free days, you hope your life will be easier. But, the hopes just seem to stay that—hopes.

Try these hopes:

Hope that you always be able to love.
Hope that you always be able to show your love.
Hope that you’ll see the miracles that happen in the small moments.
Hope that your heart stays warm even when the world could make it cold.
Hope that your life stays three-dimensional, full of some pain, some joy and all wisdom.

With these hopes, the rest falls in place. Hope is your friend.

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How do you define hope? I’d love to hear your definitions. Feel free to share in our comments section.

Do you enjoy the sunset as much as the sunrise?

We might favor the sunrise because of the potential and possibility it offers. The sunrise means a start.

The sunset, though, offers views into Mother Nature at her best and, with it, closure. What a beautiful day when brilliant reds and orange end it for you.

Honor the sunset and sunrise. Beauty lies in beginnings and endings.

Which brings me to consider family caregivers. What characteristics or traits are important to have in a caregiving role? I created the seven traits, but then stumbled:  What do these traits lead to? Empowerment? Health? And, then it hit me: Hope. Caregiving seems bereft of hope. These traits, I think, can help bring it back.

Resilient Backbone
It’s a war out there. Or, rather in there–the bedroom, the bathroom, the car. And, then when you leave the house, it’s a war in the doctor’s office, the hospital, your sibling’s house. Or, so it seems.

Battles become part of the experience: The battle of the wills with your care recipient; the battle to find and receive the care you want for your care recipient; the battle to find and receive the help you want; the battle with yourself to stay patient, positive, to persevere. You’ll get battle-weary, but a rebounding backbone is the best ammunition. Your resilient backbone means you keep an objective viewpoint (it’s often not about you, but them), a belief in yourself and your abilities, a faith that props and comforts you, and a reliance on your best asset—your gut.

Flexible Goals
When you begin your caregiving experience, your goal may be to keep your care recipient home until the end. But, then, the disease progresses, the house becomes an obstacle, the help disappears. Your goal may change to finding the best possible place to provide the care your care recipient needs.

It’s okay when your goals change. Very little about the caregiving experience stays the same. Your goals should be as fluid as the experience, refining and updating as you go. A Caregiving Mission Statement can help you set and revise your goals.

Escape Routes
Maybe it’s not Route 66, but your escape route takes you to the place where you can vent, scream and cry.  The highway may lead to be your support group, your best friend, your pet.

Your road also may wind to the sanctuary you create in your house. Your sanctuary may be a corner of your bedroom, complete with your favorite photos, music, books and flowers. Your sanctuary may be that monthly golf game with your friends. Or, it could just be five minutes alone in your kitchen, when you can sit at the table with your eyes closed and day dream.

Plan your escape routes and put them into practice.

Bulldog Tenacity
Caregiving can be a bull-dozer. To avoid tire marks on your forehead, be tenacious in a bulldog way. Know that your efforts will bring you answers, help and support. Accept no less.

Loud Laughter
Caregiving strips you naked, leaving you raw. That’s good. Now you know what’s important. Your loudest laugh, demonstrating how much you appreciate the joy and blessings in life, proves that. You can laugh because, amazingly, you’ve discovered life’s secret: the moments, those 30-seconds of shared smiles of knowing, of close contact of love, of the combined power of compassion, matter most.

Resourceful Network
You’re only one persons which is why you tap into a network of resources. Our Truth and The Team series of articles can help you build yours.

Forgiveness and Then Some
Oh, so many to forgive—family members, friends, your care recipient, the disease and its relentless progression, your community, your faith, yourself. Does your heart and soul have enough to go around?

Yes, because living in unforgiveness only hurts you—no one else, not even those you may perceive to be   unworthy of your forgiveness. The persons most difficult to forgive are those who act, and react, from fear. Resenting the fear-ful in your life weighs you down with their fears; forgiving them frees you. Although it can sometimes seem otherwise, people are doing their best. Believe that and move on to find the best possible for you and your situation.

So, you ask, where’s the hope? The hope in caregiving lies in knowing that the cure for life is to live it, regardless of severity of struggles. Living fully, even around and within the struggles, opens you to unimagined blessings.

What do you think? Please share your thoughts. One of our commentors will receive an autographed copy of my book, The Caregiving Years, Six Stages to a Meaningful Journey.