Tell Us: How Do Keep Your Caree Occupied?

Yesterday, during Table Talk on Your Caregiving Journey, Kristin spoke about her inability to do what she enjoys. She has books to read, words to write, websites to visit… And, yet she can’t. The stress of worrying about Mary and whether Mary is safe becomes her day’s only action. It’s all she can do—think about making sure Mary is okay. The dread of what could happen (Mary wanders...

Table Talk: Kristin

Kristin, who cares for a family friend (Mary) and was our very first CareGifters recipient, joined me this morning for Table Talk on Your Caregiving Journey. You can listen to our show via the player, below. You’ll love listening to Kristin, who shares how she became Mary’s family caregiver. Mary, most likely the victim of a traumatic childhood, had abused her children; as adults, her children could not...

When Your Caree Is Just Mean, What Do You Do?

Over the past two days, two visitors have asked for our help. Here’s what they said: 1. “What if your recipient does not have Alzheimers?? What if Grama is just spoiled and mean and spiteful to you and other family members. How do we handle this? She is 92. Sharp as a tack..Has all her marbles. She has been spoiled all her life. Was spoiled by our grandfather. Never worked a day in her life. Had a...

In Caregiving, Finding Happiness in the Details

This morning, Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, our happiness expert, joined us to help us understand how we manage our moments of happiness when we may live with (or close to) unhappiness. In other words, how do you manage your caree’s unhappiness? Or, another family caregiver’s unhappiness? (You can listen to our show via the player at the bottom of the post). Elizabeth shared great reminders with us: 1. Keep...

Suggestions to Help a Caree’s Hospital Confusion

You know this because you’ve probably lived this: Hospitals can be a harsh environment for your caree. A lucid caree can become confused and disoriented hospital patient. A caree with Alzheimer’s can become combative and aggressive during a hospitalization. This week, The New York Times toook an interesting look at the prevalence of hallucinations among hospitalized elderly patients. Pam Belluck, the...

Tell Us: When Do You Wish for a Pink Slip?

You plow through the days, doing your best to stay positive, strong, smiling. But, some days, well, you just find yourself wishing for a pink slip. If only you could just walk away from your caregiving role, you think, life would be so much better. And, worse, the wish to walk weighs heavily on your heart. You feel like the worst person in the world. But, every family caregiver, at least once, has hoped to be let...

Balancing the Happiness Scale

Results of a new study say that your care recipient prefers you as the caregiver over a trained professional. Your care recipient is happiest when a family member provides care. But, you already know that. You know that because of the resistance you receive when you try to bring in professional help. This study was interesting to me because of the perspective it took. The study asked the question of care...

Ask Denise: How Do I Deal with the Endless Demands?

On Thursday, I gave an eldercare presentation to a group of employees at a large corporation based here in Chicago. At the end of the presentation, an attendee asked: “What do I do about my mom? She insists on going to the doctor. A few years ago, she was seeing 24 doctors who all prescribed medications. I stopped that. She now lives in a retirement community so I know she has access to transportation, help...

Ask Denise: How Does She Get Her Dad to the Doctor?

Dear Denise, I came across your website looking for some help for my mother-in-law’s niece, Alice. Alice’s mother, 79, died on May 30, 2009. Now Alice must care for her 85-year-old father. He is very difficult and stubborn and physically hard to handle. He won’t go to the doctor because he says Alice wants the doctor to poison him. He cusses and is verbally abusive too. Her sisters won’t...

An Extra Pair of Hands May Mean Easier Days

You count to 10. You pray. You say any and all affirmations those 14 books you’ve bought tell you will work. But, nothing’s working. You and your care recipient are at odds. And, the odd-makers seem to be betting against you. Caregiving is getting the best of you. It might be time to look for more help and help from a home health agency may be just the ticket. We’ve come up with reasons to use...

Rather Than Fight, Be Flexible

When I first started writing about caregiving, I had worked with family caregivers in home health care settings (linking family caregivers to respite services) and in nursing homes (helping them admit their care recipient to the facility). But, I had never provided direct hands-on care. When the opportunity to work as a private-duty caregiver for Evie, 88-years-old and...

We Need a Schedule!

Dear Denise, I believe divine guidance led me to your website. I plan to register for the course. My frustration is that I cannot get my mother on a schedule in order to take her medications. She wants to sleep until noon and then be awake all night. She is suffering from post herpetic neuralgia since march and has COPD. Basically she is healthy except for these things, no B/P problems, diabetes, etc. I work and I...

My Mom Is Difficult

Hello Denise, I am a single mom, and sole caregiver for my 74-year-old mom.  I also cared for my father for 5 years till his death with Lung Cancer.  Since his death my moms health has steadily decreased.  My dads death while was expected just came VERY quick. He passed 2 months after my divorce and 30 days after our move.  Anyways trying to get things level or kinda again and tried to put my mom in a care...

Finding Your Voice, Defining Your Role

Karen has cared for her mother-in-law for almost two years. She does it for her husband–and in spite of her mother-in-law, Alice. Alice made it clear from the start that Karen was not the girl she would have chosen for her only son, Tony. She made it clear throughout their 30-year marriage, at holidays, special occasions and during their weekly visits. Karen did her best to...

My Caree Won’t Cooperate

You’ve finally decided the time has come: You need help in your caregiving role; you’d like to hire a home health aide to help with your caree’s personal care. With your job, your kids, your spouse and your other commitments, you’ve discovered it’s just impossible to do it all yourself. Amazingly, it’s a relief to come to this decision. Until you think about breaking the news to...