Five Days, Five Caregiving Stories

Solutions To Your Caregiving Situations Throughout Your Caregiving Years

Five Days, Five Caregiving Stories: Marilyn (Editor's Note: In honor of family caregivers, Caregiving.com featured a special section on its site throughout the week of Thanksgiving: Five Days, Five Caregiving Stories. The five profiled family caregivers, who participated in online support groups sponsored by Caregiving.com, discuss their worries, their struggles, their battles—and their ability to overcome.) When you've worked for more than 20 years, you dream of the day you can say to your boss: I'm outa here!    For Marilyn Coker, that day occurred one day in March. A year in the making, her decision to stay at home to care for her mom just seemed right. A full-time caregiver to her mom and a full-time employee to a hotel corporation worked for a good nine years. Then, the company's headquarters, which had been two miles from Marilyn's home, moved; with that move came an increased commute--to 12 miles. A longer commute time meant that Marilyn could no longer make a quick trip home at lunch to attend to her mother's feeding tube. And, if the aide didn't show up for her shift...    "Caring for Mom did affect my work," Marilyn says. "I was worried all the time about Mom." And, when the corporation wanted Marilyn to attend one-of-town training, she had to decline. "It would be too expensive to have to pay someone to take care of Mom while I was gone," she says.    Marilyn began caregiving for her mother after her mother's 1993 car accident. As a result of the accident, her mother suffered a stroke and permanent right-side paralysis. After a hospitalization, her mother was admitted to a nursing home. During a visit to her mother, Marilyn asked one of the nurses: Can I do this (provide care) at home?     Her mother, from a small town in northeast Georgia, moved into Marilyn's Atlanta apartment. Her mother cannot take anything by mouth, so nutrition and medications are administered through a feeding tube. She's bed-bound, incontinent; a contracted leg is susceptible to sores.    Marilyn does have worries about her decision to leave her job. "I feel like I'm missing out on things for my career." And, there are other sacrifices: "I haven't had a manicure in a while." she says. "But, what's that?"    She adds: "But the pros really outweigh the cons. I can get Mom up and in her wheelchair and out on the patio. The aides weren't as good about doing that. And, I'm not as nervous as I used to be."    Marilyn does worry about taking a break (such as weekend away) from her caregiving role because the cost of in-home care would be too much for their budget. But, she's comfortable leaving her mom for a few hours, where she enjoys the pool and fitness center in her apartment complex and runs to the library to use the computer to check her e-mail messages. Last spring, she and her boyfriend enjoyed a performance by Cirque Du Soleil. Her boyfriend, who, she says, is "so good to Mom and so supportive of me with her", is someone with whom she hopes to make a long-term commitment.    Her commitment to caring for her mom full-time hopefully will also lead Marilyn to on a new career path. "I feel I may be called to do something different," she says. "I think I'd like to work in a hospital setting or in a physician's office."    In addition to hoping for a firm commitment from her boyfriend, Marilyn also weighs other changes in the near future for her and her mom. "I think about moving back to Mom's house (which they currently rent)," she says. "Mom would be closer to her sister. But... it's a small town. You know what they say: You can't go back."    For other working family caregivers considering the eliminating their full-time job, Marilyn says: "Just try it. See if it works!" (Editor's Note: For help in making a decision about your career as it relates to your caregiving responsibilities, visit Caregiving Focus: Caregiving Or Your Career?.) Next, we meet Ann. Tell a friend about this article:

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