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Weekly Caregiver Tip

(July 31, 2000)

Sharing the Care with Siblings: Tips for the Primary Caregiver

As the primary caregiver, you may feel that your siblings pose more obstacles than offer assistance. Your siblings may seem to criticize your caregiving abilities, as well as second-guess your intentions.

If you find yourself in verbal onslaught from your siblings, keep in mind these suggestions:

--If your siblings try to engage you in a heated argument, resist the temptation to match their high-charged emotional energy. Keep calm and listen objectively, as best you can. And, don’t argue. Your calm demeanor will eventually take the air out of your siblings’ argument.

--Ask questions. Emotions such as anger and guilt can get in the way of a message, so much so that your sibling may not even realize the reason for their angry words. Asking questions may help your siblings pinpoint their concerns or problems.

--Then, ask yourself, Is this really my problem? If not, choose to walk away. For instance, your sibling may be acting out of anger, resentment or guilt toward your parent—which is not your problem. Your problem is only to provide the best care possible for your aging relative, as well as to take care of yourself.

--Develop a mission statement that reflects your goals as a family caregiver and then stick to it. Your mission statement will serve as a reminder of what you can and cannot do as a family caregiver, as well as what’s most important to you. Your mission statement will come in handy when a sibling challenges your abilities, decisions or intentions. Rather than backing down, you can lean on your mission statement to defend your position.

--Keep in mind: What’s best for you aging relative? What’s best of you? What’s best for your family? Setting priorities will keep you on track.

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