peace-68861_640We were elated this past week when we learned that Hugh was a candidate for surgery for his colon cancer. His tumor was a bit low in the intestine, but the surgeon felt he could do a resection without any major difficulties. Although Hugh became more worried as the surgery date loomed on Friday, he knew that he didn’t have a choice. The tumor had to go.

We watched two seasons of House of Cards to kill time. I cancelled appointments and regular activities so I could spend time with him. We were in waiting mode. We had no clue whether the tumor had penetrated his intestinal wall or if the cancer had metastasized. We knew that we’d have to wait for those answers, as the surgery would give those answers to us on a platter.

This morning, my husband entered the surgical theater at 10:30 am. By 12:30 p.m. he was in recovery, and the surgeon greeted me with great news–the surgery went well. By 2:30 p.m., my husband was in ICU under Code Blue. At 2:38 a.m. this morning, he died. Thankfully, I was by his side.

I had wished for a clean surgery. I got that. I had no clue that the surgery would come with a cost. My husband’s liver just couldn’t handle the shock, and his body shut down. The doctors think his liver had been compromised by the cancer. All I know is that his life and his vitality are gone forever, except in my memory.

I honor my husband, who was so frightened by this surgery. He knew he wouldn’t make it out. I didn’t have a clue. He knew that, and he allowed me that luxury. He loved me well.

Sleep well, my dear. Sleep in peace.

About Linda

Currently I'm writing a memoir about caregiving my mother with a focus on my late husband and how this caregiving affected our marriage. I am also an artist and I have changed my learning lately to more healthful endeavors in an effort to take care of me.

23

avatar
12 Comment threads
11 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
13 Comment authors
SharonLindaEllysGdaughterMovieGoerHussy Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Please notify me:
Denise
Member

Oh, Linda, I am so sorry.

It’s our greatest worry–that in the process of solving one problem, we create another that’s worse. We can only do our best with what we know.

You’ve had such difficult few years. I can only imagine how much your heart hurts.

I love how you spent the past week together. How much comfort you gave him with your presence.

Please keep us posted as you can.

Mar
Member

Linda,
I am so so sorry, there are just no words. I am thankful for those days you spent together, and all the days before that. We’ll be praying for you in this grief journey — please consider us listeners during this time.

Mar

Pegi
Guest
Pegi

Linda, I can’t even imagine what you are going through now. It is good that you were with him, for both of you. As others said, it was a blessing you had those sweet days prior. He did love you well and no distance can ever take that away. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sally
Guest
Sally

Linda, I am so sorry to hear that your husband has died.
Please know that he will live in your heart and your memories forever.
I know this from experience.
Don’t forget that we are here to listen, as Mar said, when you want to talk.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Lillie
Member

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry for your loss. Please take care.