10 Reasons Why You Can Finish This


10 Reasons Why You Can Finish This

clouds-382652_640You worry about your caree's end. Will it be pain-free? Will it be peaceful, comfortable?

You also wonder if you will be able to survive the end. Will you have the energy, the courage, the strength, the heart, the fortitude to finish this caregiving experience? Will you be okay when the end happens?

You will. Here's why:

1. You may think a strong finish relies on a location. That you can only finish strong if the end happens at home. Not true. It's not about where (nursing home, hospital, home), it's about how. You ensure your caree has the best possible care at the end, just as you did at the beginning and the middle and throughout.

2. You didn't get this far without navigating tough terrain--difficult decisions, stressful family dysfunction, multiple sleepless nights, too many medical crises to count. Along the way, you've gained wisdom and perspectives that will serve you well when the end arrives.

3. Because of your presence, because you stayed with your caree throughout caregiving, you have the memories of your shared experiences. Your memories remind you that you did all you could. Because of your memories, you can face that finish with the confidence you really and truly did all you could.

4. You may fear the finish because you shake at the thought of life with your caree. Your caree lives a legacy (rituals, beliefs, recipes, traditions, experiences) through you. You have the courage to meet the finish because your caree's legacy continues through you.

5. You can finish because you have what others who are starting a caregiving experience need--understanding, empathy, information, support. You've created an encyclopedia of tips and tricks during caregiving. You have what we need.

6. You've taken on one of life's greatest responsibilities--helping another transition from our life to whatever next will be. You have what it takes to ensure that transition happens under the best possible circumstances.

7. You may believe that your caree's finish hinges on your presence--that you must be with your caree at the very end. Rather than trying to control the timing, trust it. Believe that forces greater than us understand the right time much better than we do.

8. You already feel a void that will happen after caregiving ends which means that the end feels too scary, too big to face. The void, while terrifying, is full of possibilities for you. Filling the void after caregiving is the best way to honor your caree. And, you deserve that chance and the time, however much time it takes, to fill that void with relationships, travel, activities, challenges, a career that bring you joy. Your caree wants you to know and feel happiness in your life after the end. It's how you honor the life you shared with your caree.

9. Your finish becomes the bravery that spreads. We see you face what will be our life's most heartbreaking moments. You can which means we can, too.

10. The end is out of your control, which is an awful feeling. Your attention to detail, your diligence, your tenacity truly ensure your caree receives the best possible care. Letting go, letting the end happen when the end arrives, means your caree continues to receive the best possible care. At the end, you hand off your caree to a caregiver big enough to fill your shoes.

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As the months whirl by, I feel the loss of my mom more. I am still dealing with the house and its problems. Do I move in and reopen the wound of my mom's loss, that I feel when I go there, or do I start a probate and sell it. There are other complicated questions related to this, which I wont go into here. \nWhy can't I talk to my mom? I do actually... I think of her advice and her love. I appreciate both more now. I yearn for my mom....just to know that we are together and that the love is there. There is no one in my life that cared like my late mom and late brother did. The world seems superficial and money oriented. My questions seem to bother people. They don't value me the way my family did. They just want to know if they are going to make money working on the house. Otherwise, don't waste their time. Isn't there anyone who values me anymore?