24 Hours in Yo-Yo-ville


24 Hours in Yo-Yo-ville

Last night after Mom went to bed - at 9:00 instead of the 8:00 she tried to pull but that's another story - I let myself have a cry. Okay, I tried to. I figured it was about 10:30, I was frazzled and certainly deserved it. The weekend had been a roller coaster and work was being, in a word: stupid. So I settled in for a good cry, quietly.

No dice.

She heard me. The upside (I guess) is that she came out of her room and sat with me and held me like she used to when I was little and needed to cry. So my mommy is still in there. It was nice to be reminded of that even with all the frustrations and anger and resentment etc. And that made me cry all the more.

And then today happened.

Wednesdays the caregiver doesn't come. Usually Mom goes to Optimists which gets her out of the house for a couple of hours. She didn't feel up to going today so I came home for lunch. And found her on the floor. In the bathroom. PJ bottoms partly off. Special "opps" undies off. She's gotten up, went to the bathroom and got out of her special undies intending to be done with them and start the day. I think in the midst of pulling her PJs back up she lost her balance and boom. While she was lying down there - for two plus hours! - she had a BM. So those PJs, her favorites naturally, are beyond hope and I threw them out.

I got her up with serious difficulty. Got her cleaned up. And off we went to the ER. We were there the rest of the day.

Nothing broken. No funky bloodwork. No UTI (which I am finding hard to believe given how "off" she's been for the last week-ish). Nothing of note. So they released her. I kinda wish they'd kept her for a couple of reasons: (1) they could keep an eye on her and maybe figure out why she's wobbly; and (2) I need the break.

So I asked if the caregiver could stay longer the next two days. The answer was "kind of" - she can come at 9:30 a.m. but not earlier because she has a special needs child whose school doesn't start until 9:00 and she has to leave at 2:00 so she can pick him up. I understand that, I do. But what the hell am I supposed to do for those last 3-ish hours before I get home from work?

Ask friends you say? Tried that. The "oh-whatever-you-need-just-ask-in-this-neighborhood-we're-always-there-for each-other crowd" is oh so sorry but they have prior commitments. I can't even get anyone to pop over to check on her at some point in that 3-ish hour window.

I work for a very small company (less than 10 people) so there is no FMLA. I've used up all my paid leave - which if you've been following this for any period of time, you already know. So when I get back there tomorrow the boss is going to (again) tell me how I need to put her in a home.

First off, I have been looking into that and am waiting until the new one they are building down the street opens before proceeding further. Besides which it is cheaper to pay a caregiver for eight hours a day than to put her in one of those places no matter how good they are.

So the last 24 hours have been a yo-yo trip. I still haven't eaten. I made sure that she has though and has been drinking fluids. My neck and shoulders are so knotted up they hurt.

I need that cry now more than I did last night.


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Oh dear, CatK, I so feel your pain. I have so many people tell me they would be glad to help but they also have agendas and I am not really prepared to begin to organize things so that they make any sense. \r\nIt is uncanny how often a good moment is followed by chaos. It is almost like the smell of rain before the storm. I have begun cautioning myself on a good day about getting complacent. Sounds cynical but I find it helps me stay in reality. \r\nI believe you are wise to wait for the new facility. One was built near us and I think it filled up quickly. They are having a problem finding enough personnel. \r\nI am fortunate that I am not working now. \r\nAlthough your posts reflect a great deal of hard work and stress they also reflect your love for your mom and your heart to do well by here if you have the luxury of time. \r\nWe are walking arm in arm, sister.