A Cheat Sheet: A Friend Complains About Too Many People at His Super Bowl Party

Denise

A Cheat Sheet: A Friend Complains About Too Many People at His Super Bowl Party

Denise
sausage-585656_640It's Tuesday evening after a very long three days. You answer the phone, knowing it's a friend who drives you nuts, but you need to talk to someone. It's been that difficult.

After exchanging pleasantries, your friend begins to rant. “I invited about 15 people for the Super Bowl and about 30 people showed up. I had enough food and beer but I was pissed. People brought guests without giving me a heads-up.

“Can you imagine?” you friend concludes, absolute incredulous at the guests' lack of consideration.

Typically, you empathize, expressing the right amount of disbelief at all that your friend endures in his life devoid of true stress and worry. This is the pattern—your friend complains about silliness, you “tsk tsk” externally while internally stewing.

You find yourself wondering, yet again, “Why is this person my friend?”

What to do?

A Cheat Sheet:
Your Friend Complains That Too Many People Showed Up at His Super Bowl Party


1. Because this friend is no friend to you, you can seize the moment.

2. “That sounds like a great party,” you say. “I haven't been to a Super Bowl party in about 10 years. I'm really focused on providing the best care I can.”

3. You add, “I would love to be able to hire help to attend a Super Bowl party but money is really tight. I can only afford to hire help so I can go to work.”

4. And, you keep going. “I'm not the only one in this kind of tough situation. About 67 million of us care for a family member or friend”

5. Because you've worked up steam, you continue to keep going, “And, most of us just don't have enough help and that includes help from our family members and friends. It's common for friends to just disappear or to just not help. Because of this, it can be really lonely.”

6. And, then you drop the zinger. “While you were whooping it up at the Super Bowl, I was tracking a fever and worrying about whether or not the fever was so series that we should go to the ER. A fever is my worst nightmare because this could be the infection that we just can't treat. And, I worry that the home health aid will call off when she realizes there's a fever. I can't miss any time off this week. I need to be in the office.”

7. You sit with the silence that greets your comments. You can wait, you decide.

8. Finally, your friend responds with, “I'm so sorry. Well, I can hear someone at the door. I'll let you go.”

9. As you hang up the phone, you decide it's time to take control of your situation.

10. And, that's what you do. The next day, you go into work and talk to your boss about what's going on at home. You and your boss work out a plan that allows you to work at home two days a week. Because of this, you'll spend less money hiring care. And, with your boss's approval, you organize a weekly lunch-time support group for others at work in a caregiving situation. You've just saved money and gained understanding friends.

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