A Friend's Sobs Over My Mom's Declines


A Friend's Sobs Over My Mom's Declines

weeping-willow-382140_640Yesterday, I took my parents to see the two-bedroom apartment in the independent living facility they'll move to on Saturday.

My dad loves the apartment and feels relief over the move. My mom still believes she doesn't need help. While my mom agreed to the move and had visited the facility over the years, she had yet to see the apartment.

When we arrived at the independent living facility, we saw my mom's friend--another resident--in the lobby. My mom, in the wheelchair, called out to her friend, Mrs. H., who immediately came to give my mom a hug and a kiss. As they chatted, I saw a tear slowly roll down Mrs. H's cheek. Oh, she's got allergies, I thought because I'm somewhat obsessed with allergies.

But then I could see her face start to get red and her eyes really start to water. "What's wrong, Mrs. H."? the facility salesperson asked. "You must be glad to see Sally (my mom)." Mrs. H. nodded.

Mrs. H did her best to continue the conversation with my mom, but then moved behind the wheelchair to stand next to me, out of my mom's eyesight and earshot. As she stood next to me, she started to sob. "I'm sorry," she repeated as she wept. I did my best to console her, telling her it was okay. She cried in the crook of my shoulder.

We needed to meet with the salesperson so I started to wheel my mom forward. Mrs. H. went to my dad to give him a hug. With more distance from my mom, Mrs. H. really sobbed as my dad hugged her. Oh, gosh, I can hear her now, weeping and apologizing.

Sometimes, I'm still startled by my mom's appearance, which dimes out her declines. Mrs. H.'s sadness about how much my mom lost these past few months in some ways provided me comfort. My mom says she doesn't need help, that she would do fine at home.

What Mrs. H. saw gives me strength in my decisions to surround my mom with help, even if she can't recognize the help that circles her.

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Denise, I've been out of the loop as you know but I am glad to see that your parents have agreed to this. It sounds like your Dad may make the easiest adjustment. I'm glad there is someone there your Mom already knows. Maybe Mrs. H can show her the ropes? I'll continue to remember you both in my prayers.


What a blessing Mrs. H was for you and your mom. The gift of tears and compassion really hits us where we need it the most! I am so glad your parents are making the move. I hope you can push Mom through this difficulty and she will see the benefits soon! My prayers continue to be with you as you help them adjust, but more so for you and your future! I really hope some of your burden will be lifted (after all the move, settling, arranging. . . .)!


This was both sad and encouraging to read. I've seen people struggle to contain their emotions when they see my husband in his new \"normal\" state of frailty. When did my boyish husband become a stooped and wizened little old gray-haired man whose clothes hang off him? \nBut encouraging because it sounds as though this really has a good chance of working out well for your parents and you, <a href='http://www.caregiving.com/members/denise/' rel=\"nofollow\">@denise</a>. So glad this is happening. That you were able to transition so quickly from \"what if\" discussion to action -- action that will place your father and mother in a safer environment and give you some much needed peace of mind.

Lillie Fuller

It's always helpful to have a friend on a new adventure. It's also heart breaking when we have to see our friends go through hard things. I'm sure Mrs. H. will prove to be a godsend to your mom and probably your dad also. I wish your parents much love and comfort in this new venture and I wish you peace in your heart. I know this is tough. Thank you for sharing. XO


I'm glad your mom has a friend already in the facility. That helps a lot. \nAs Jean said, the timing of her friend's reaction was also nice. The worst thing we can do is get caught up in the \"what if's\". Once we make these decisions, we go forward. \nI do feel for your Mom's friend! With my parkinson's, I think there's a faulty handle on the tear spigot. I can cry at anything - reading the back of a cereal box, a particularly moving coke commercial, someone smiling at me.... she was probably really embarrassed. \nBest wishes to your parents at the start of their new journey!

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