About Face

LilMagill

About Face

LilMagill
After my last post, I decided to give up and find a better way to prevent her from driving. I gave back her keys, we made up, we hugged each other, we said we love each other, we agreed to go back to the way things had been. I realized that if I lose my "working relationship" with her, I won't be able to continue as her caregiver. My tolerance for conflict may be lower than average, but it was making me sick. I felt like I couldn't go on. I couldn't eat well, I had constant pain in my stomach, headaches, so much anxiety, high blood pressure. Even when she was forgetting to be angry, I couldn't relax because I knew it was coming back, only a matter of when.

What's my plan now? Monitor closely. I resigned my summer class, so I have a few months to figure out how to put small barriers in place.

She is still angry with me, though. She's no longer accusing me or yelling at me, but yesterday morning and this morning have both started badly with her in a bitter mood. Yesterday the bad mood dissipated later in the day, and I'm hoping it will happen again today. This morning, we couldn't get the coffee pot to come on, so I went to Walmart and bought a new one at 7:30 a.m. I was trying to get the problem solved quickly so that we could get back to our normal routine, but it was upsetting to her, and she had forgotten why I threw out the old coffeemaker by the time I got the new one set up.

I tried distracting her with cute dog videos and with watching the deer in the yard, but the effects didn't last beyond the distraction. I came upstairs eventually, but went back down when the dog was barking downstairs. I sent the dog up and she was angry because dogs bark, that's what they do. Now my stomach is in knots again. I need to learn how to tolerate my distress.