I'm struggling with acceptance.

My mom, who was a child of an alcoholic parent, has never been in touch with any deep feelings. She has learned to cope in life by repression and denial. In some ways, I am envious of that because I'm a very emotional person who is very connected to my feelings and THAT can be very painful at times.

However, I am also able to laugh loudly and feel amazing joy. I spend every day trying to make my mom happy. For Christmas, I bought her a very expensive puppy and today I bought a lift chair with massage and heat. Also, very expensive.

Money is tight for me now because I took an early retirement on a very small pension so I could care for her. The thing is, I have spent a lot of my life trying to make her happy and I need to ACCEPT it ain't gonna happen!! I think at some level, if I could create joy in her it would lessen my guilt of not being the perfect daughter.

I really miss having someone to laugh with (other than the dogs). Laughter keeps me sane.

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I love the idea of acceptance, Hayley.\r\n\r\nI think acceptance is accepting another as they are. Your mom sounds like a very strong person--I can't imagine what her childhood must have been like. I think accepting your mom is the best way to love her. And, I think when we feel truly loved, we are happy. \r\n\r\nFor some reason as I read your blog post, I thought of one of my favorite quotes: \"Arrive everywhere loved.\" A family caregiver shared this quote with me many years ago; it was something that his wife (and caree) regularly said. I remind myself of that quote regularly. I am loved. I don't have to earn it or buy it or hope for it. I can arrive everywhere (including the start of my day) knowing I am loved because I am loved.