After EXTREME Caregiving: Adjusting

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After EXTREME Caregiving: Adjusting

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Even reading previous blogs of mine, I can't beleve how everything changed so quickly. I was certain the week she got her reassessment March 12 we'd have to do it again in June. Even her nurses thought that. The only true indication was the purposfull falling.

It's been nearly two weeks since SIL passed. Routines are weird. Mom seemed to mourn the first week while I was okay but it's kind of reversed. Me and the kids are freaking about school, we had to explain to professors this was a loss, but also in detail because she was a member of our household for over three years and had been in hospice in our home. It's funny, in previous semesters I'd shared more freely ( small school, small classes). My kids feel as if they shouldn't be affected because Mom and I did most of the caregiving. But it was THEIR aunt! My husband only took one day off of work and it's HIS SISTER. Meanwhile her best friend's daughter took a week bereavement. It's so strange how the 'standards' of mourning differ from reality. I keep telling my kids they can mourn how they need, there is no set way.

Things started hitting me going through her family pictures. SIL inherited ALL the family pictures (six kids), from the oldest born in 1951 to my husband born in 1963. Apparently MIL gave no pictures to anybody from their childhoods. NONE. Yikes. Except us. lol. So here I am, going through over 60 years of other people's childhood photographs. Luckily MIL and I had done some before shed passed so I knew faces. Jeez, both these woman sure left me a task because both refused to give them up! WHY? MIL only looked at them with me and gave me a bunch. Apparently she denied everyone. So sad, pictures are important and she took TONS of great ones nobody saw. So I'm parceling them out past the 50s, pre-50s, giving them to the oldest brother to figure out. Made three large collages for SIL services, one childhood, one teens and one adult years. I don't even know where the ones MIL and I did go through are yet!

And again I can only go by how we do it in my family. So in collages I try and add pictures that include SIL and each family member. I will take them apart and give those pictures away also. It's very fitting, almost every childhood picture my hubby and his sister are side by side. Couldn't find any newer than ten years but one the nurse took and another from her brother. But that's okay, I think that's how she wants to be remembered.

I've been dreaming of SIL the past few nights. Same thing, we're in the hospital, a few years ago, and I'm getting her ready to take her home. She's better! Then I woke up both times and it hits me. She IS better, she IS okay just not in the way I wanted. I am able to send her to Alaska, her friend is even driving part way back up the coast just not in the way I wanted. I felt some peace after finishing her collages, they came together easy so again I know they are the right thing.

Thanks for the read and allowing me to vent!

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Maria

Thanks HSG! I So appreciate people that understand

Hansolosgirl

<a href='http://www.caregiving.com/members/mariakeil/' rel=\"nofollow\">@mariakeil</a> oh I know the feeling! Hubby &amp; SIL brother committed suicide 20 years ago and it was also a blur. All I did during that time was support MIL because everyone was so devistated so I stuck by MIL because she'd just lost a child. I know exactly

Maria

I love the picture collage that you are doing! I can totally relate to the problem of having pictures that no one knows who they are. We are having that problem with my Grandmothers family and sadly have had to throw out many pictures as no one knows who they are.\r\nWhen it comes to grieving we all grieve in our own way. 4 years ago Monday my brother-in-law committed suicide &amp; during the whole process of planning the funeral, the viewing, and the actual funeral. I never cried. A part of it was I had to be strong for my husband and I also think that I was so shocked at what had happened that I just couldn't cry.\r\nSending you lots of prayers &amp; hugs!

Lillie Fuller

great job with the pictures! a wonderful tribute to SIL! come visit us in the chatroom when you have time!

jan

Just wish the pictures were bigger.\r\nYou are doing a very important thing as you chronicle her life.

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