After EXTREME Caregiving: Wasted Opportunities

Hansolosgirl

After EXTREME Caregiving: Wasted Opportunities

Hansolosgirl
alaska-69135_640Yesterday, SIL ashes were released exactly how she wanted, her guy friend Kim said:

"Memorial Day morning,
what ashes flew, flew
when a eagle sores over at the last release
what ashes stayed, now anchor at the foot of an ol tree with lots of character.
this ol tree over looks Anchorage, Cook Inlet, Denali and Sleeping Lady.

this ol tree also witnessed, the Northern lights 20 years ago that when DeeDee saw them, that her last wish was to have her ashes spread there.

when God called, the call went out
DeeDee is home now
If in Anchorage, drive west on Northern Lights Blvd, when you pass Minnesota Dr, go 3 miles, park.
I'm sure the ol tree will be obvious to find"

I usually don't entertain the coulda, shoulda, woulda. But when I see so much opportunity wasted I can't help it. I share this now because each of us must take the life God gave us and do all we can NOW, find the JOY, don't wait until this or that, don't let things slip away.

SIL survived so much, yet the ONE thing she could control in all her illnesses is what cut her life short. Presented in front of us all was missed opportunity, all the mourners felt it. Her life could have been very different had she chosen another path. At the very least, it was recognized by us who knew her well and we will all take many lessons away. Live life to the fullest, don't be a martyr, ask for help BEFORE you are too weak and forced to accept it. Find the good, find the fun, don't save all for a rainy day, because when that day comes, it may be too late. SIL was a good woman who seemingly made nothing but bad choices.

She should have stayed in Alaska. The man who released her ashes loved her, she loved him too. Twenty years after time spent with him, he still had all this care and love. All her husband did was abuse her. She never took opportunities presented to her, she was "sick" 20 years before she was really sick. Thirteen years ago she could have gone back to Alaska and found joy. I know she would be alive today had she chosen that path because drinking is what did it, the rest of her illnesses were managed. Life is to precious to throw it away. She made some decisions out of goodness, like taking care of her mom, but she forever took the path that was hardest on her, then self medicated and blamed others for her decisions.

Again I share because we all need to find meaning and joy in life, even as caregivers. We must also keep finding those things that keep us going beyond caregiving for others. We must also care for ourselves. We matter as much as our loved ones because we are also loved. It is not all on YOU. Others can and will and SHOULD help. LET them.

Thanks for the read and allowing me to vent!

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5 Comments

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Denise

I just love this post, HSG. What a great reminder for us.\r\n\r\nI'm so glad you continue to keep us posted. I love reading your posts. :)

MovieGoer

I'm so sorry...I meant to type SIL, but \"MIL\" came out. \r\n\r\nI'm so glad you wrote this piece...it's such a great reminder to us all. Thank you!

Hansolosgirl

I hope we all take better care of ourselves! She was a caregiver for several people through her life, but never cared for herself.....we all need to care for ourselves, and it worries me not enough of us do that. She was caring for her mom when she was very sick and absolutly refused to let us take over....and that was only the last bit.

MovieGoer

Wow, that was beautifully said. I'm so very sorry your MIL went down the road she did. It's so hard watching someone do that. I send you my deepest sympathy.