Amazing Grace

jan

Amazing Grace

jan
I hope no one asks me to say grace today. By the time I'm done being thankful for this year, the food would be stone cold and everyone would have left for Jimmy John's.

My heart is filled with wonder, thanks, and amazement.

A year ago we gathered at my sister's house. Mom was there, but "barely". My daughter was also there, heavily pregnant with the new life that would change mine. The world was full of questions; the concerns I had were the same as everyone here: would I know what to do when the time came? Would my marriage survive caregiving? Would the resources hold out? Could I maintain my health? Would my mother have alot of suffering? How soon would she die?

Now on the day for giving thanks, which should actually be every single day, I know the concerns were real, and the feelings behind them, but there were answers for each one. Each day I got up and tried to move forward. The support from my husband, daughter, baby granddaughter, and dad made all the difference. My husband held me up long-distance, my daughter held me close in her arms, and my granddaughter filled my arms with new love. My dad, gone five years, had the foresight to work and invest, so that my mom was never in want. That same foresight is providing me with a magic carpet into the future. And of course, my friends here at Caregiving.com became the fifth leg on this crazy five-legged stool. Five legs on a stool make for a pretty solid foundation.

My new apartment overlooks the nursing home where my mom lived briefly, and ultimately died. I pass it every single time I leave my door. I never could have planned that one, but the fact remains. I didn't do everything right, but I did enough, and I'm at peace about it, every single time I look up.

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