An Open Letter to My Husband

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An Open Letter to My Husband

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Dear Marc,

In life we are all faced with challenges. Some people’s challenges look a little easier than others. They are shorter and at the end they may reap some great reward for their endurance in getting past that setback. In our lives, it seems like we have nothing but challenges.

Many people always say to me, “It just doesn't seem fair that you two have so many problems.”

I've stopped seeing them as problems or setbacks and even challenges. I just see it as life. Yet, sometimes I do sit back and think about all the good we've radiated out into the world and things we've done for others never expecting anything in return and think, “Where is our reward for our hard work?”

Over the years I've lost friends over the most petty and mundane things and I've had loved ones die, we've been broke, we've had more than plenty, we've traveled, we've come home again and I woke this morning and realized something, I don’t need to wait for a reward at the end of each struggle. It’s not necessary.

You are my reward. I already have it and I am lucky enough to have spent the last ten years of my life waking up to my reward every single day.

Not many people can say that or have what we have. Our relationship is solid. Though we have our ups and downs like anyone else, we know the truth in our situation and that truth is whatever we have or don’t have doesn't matter because we have each other.

When I was younger, I didn't feel loved. Not by my family and not by my friends. I felt tolerated. It’s such a horrible feeling to feel like people keep you around because they either feel sorry for you or because they can get something from you. Even though my family and I are closer than most families, I didn't feel loved there. I felt like I was an outsider being allowed to tag along.

As I grew older I started to feel like I was incapable of being loved. Even worse, I felt like I would be incapable of loving another. I never saw myself getting married. When I had visions of the future they included me as far away from my family as possible. I was never surrounded by friends in these visions. I was always doing what I still always do, working. I didn't seem happy in them; I seemed content to be on my own, however.

Then I met you. From day one, I knew that you would be in my life forever. I never believed in love, let alone love at first sight. I don’t think I loved you at first sight, though you were awfully adorable. I think I loved you after you first spoke. You were funny, you were humble and you were honest. Something I rarely experienced with anyone.

Ten years later, I find myself to be one of the luckiest and richest people in the world. I may have to sink every dime I do get into taking care of you but it is not the money that makes me rich, it is your love and your friendship that does. I am blessed every single day of my life to have you in it. And call me selfish but I think I deserve another fifty plus years with you.

So, as heartbroken as I am about your illness with all of the pain it has caused you and all of the stress that it has brought upon me over this last year, I am grateful.

I am grateful for every day since you were diagnosed that you woke up by my side.

I am grateful that the few months they gave you to live with this illness has turned into a full year plus.

I am even grateful for the nights spent in the hospital for weeks on end and even more grateful for you being able to walk out of the hospital each time at the end of whatever surgery or situation we were dealing with.

I am grateful for the time I've gotten to spend with you at home instead of working.

I am grateful for your sense of humor and your kindness.

I am grateful you are such a low maintenance patient even with your high maintenance illness.

I am grateful that they've finally found a solution that should save your life.

And although I am scared as hell of losing you, despite all of the possible ways things could go wrong, I am grateful for this surgery on Friday and for the doctors who have dedicated the last year keeping you alive.

I am grateful for the love you give me and the love that you allow me to give back to you.

I am grateful in every way possible and I could never truly express to you all the ways I am truly grateful and all the ways you have truly been a blessing in my life. I have nothing but positive thoughts about Friday’s surgery and just like every surgery before this I will be right there by your side through all of it no matter what I have to do to make that happen.

I love you!

Read A Love Letter to Family Caregivers for an inspiring message on loving yourself.

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4 Comments

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ejourneys

This is a true gift and blessing of a letter -- not only to Marc but for us as well, for all of its teachings. Thank you. (((Hugs)))

jill

Casandra. You are such an inspiration to me you and Marc will both be in my prayers now and for the weeks to come

Thedogmama

A love letter like no other. You and Marc are truly blessed to have each other. Friday will be a good day!

Joshua

This is a very touching piece - it helps put things in perspective.