Anger

Hayley

Anger

Hayley
angers-427830_640(Editor's Note: We Hayley, who cares for her mom, to our blogging team today. You can connect with her on her profile page: @hayrn.)

Family caregivers often talk about anger. They say we all experience it and it's normal. I don't know. It doesn't FEEL normal. It feels terrible. Why am I'm so angry? I thought a lot about it today.

1. I resent being a caregiver because I never felt I was cared for enough. Always chasing my mother's love and not feeling it. I know she's done the best she could, but after my dad died I just didn't feel the love and care I needed.
2. I am not a caregiver type personality. It's not who I am. It makes me angry to have to do this.
3. I miss being who I was. I'm angry that I've had to give up my carefree lifestyle with ZERO responsibilities.
4. I'm angry that I don't feel, no matter what I do, that it's never enough. I am constantly trying to be freaking perfect. IT'S EXHAUSTING.
5. I'm angry that I have NO help. I never get a day off. I have no time for ME.
6. I'm angry that there's no witness to all I constantly do so that when my mom does pass, they'll be there to say you did everything you could. My mom tells me how wonderful I am and how lucky she is but it's not enough.
7. I'm angry that other caregivers seem to have it all together.

Don't judge me unless you've walked a mile in my moccasins.