Anger

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Anger

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angers-427830_640(Editor's Note: We Hayley, who cares for her mom, to our blogging team today. You can connect with her on her profile page: @hayrn.)

Family caregivers often talk about anger. They say we all experience it and it's normal. I don't know. It doesn't FEEL normal. It feels terrible. Why am I'm so angry? I thought a lot about it today.

1. I resent being a caregiver because I never felt I was cared for enough. Always chasing my mother's love and not feeling it. I know she's done the best she could, but after my dad died I just didn't feel the love and care I needed.
2. I am not a caregiver type personality. It's not who I am. It makes me angry to have to do this.
3. I miss being who I was. I'm angry that I've had to give up my carefree lifestyle with ZERO responsibilities.
4. I'm angry that I don't feel, no matter what I do, that it's never enough. I am constantly trying to be freaking perfect. IT'S EXHAUSTING.
5. I'm angry that I have NO help. I never get a day off. I have no time for ME.
6. I'm angry that there's no witness to all I constantly do so that when my mom does pass, they'll be there to say you did everything you could. My mom tells me how wonderful I am and how lucky she is but it's not enough.
7. I'm angry that other caregivers seem to have it all together.

Don't judge me unless you've walked a mile in my moccasins.

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16 Comments

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darciejane

Hayley, I can relate to every single point 1 through 6. With regard to number 7, I don't feel anger so much as guilt. I know in my heart that not all caregivers have it all together, despite putting up a good front. But many of them have much tougher situations than mine, and are doing it all with much more grace and selflessness than I ever could.

Hayley

Thank you for your comment. I guess it seems to me that everyone else is handling it all better than me. Thank you for your support!

Hayley

Thanks for your comment. I didn't realize caregiving had stages. I will try and find this on here!

Goldie

Dear Haley,\r\nI understand what you're saying completely. It's been six years for me. My parents are in assisted living, but I'm still the only one in state to do all their errands, take them to the doctor, fight with Comcast, deal with the creditors who only have MY contact info - not my parent's. Finally, after a year and a half in assisted living, I feel as though my life is slowly coming back to me. I still can't plan a lot because the phone will ring and *poof* there goes my \"free\" time. \r\nI also share the anger and frustration of having a Mom who was not really there. I wrote about this in one of my first blog posts here. It is helpful to write it down and to have a group who listens and really does understand. \r\nWelcome to the group! Don't hesitate to yell when you need to!

anita0419

Hi Haley,\r\nI know where your anger is coming from. I also felt I had to put my life on hold to care for my mother. The people are wonderful here. No judgements are made here so please feel free to write what you feel. Again, welcome to caregiving.com.\r\n\r\nAnita

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