Broken Glass

English: Broken glass English: Broken glass (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I seem to be close to my 'breaking point.' The things my father says to me triggered me to no end last night and I 'lost it.' So many people say don't lose it in front of your parents but that is so much easier said than done when you're a human being (as opposed to something out of The Transformers!).

Sometimes I'd like to be one of those 'creatures' to immediately turn off those destructive emotions that possibly hurt my mom's nerve cells and cause deterioration in everyone, including myself. I think I've been skirting around the issue of the fact that I've struggled with depression for a very long time and I feel close to my breaking point right  now.

Mom does not remember any of the conflict but Dad and I do and today she is wondering why she is upset. Dad and I have 'made up' in our own way, but the core issues are still there and have not been resolved.

Another wonderful chat helped me see that I do have rights to help with medical decisions without power of attorney and that it's okay to call for help (e.g. Social Workers even it's just for me ). And for the insight that this is where I live right now so how can I make life as good as it can be within my control.

Thank you guys for suggesting that I have a routine for myself to take breaks throughout the day ~ no matter what and to try to get outside help. Latter is driving me crazy because Dad is cutting back the hours on the health care worker they have (don't know why). Piece one: I'm incredibly worried about my Mom's decline. Piece two:  I'm incredibly worried that I might 'break' again.

Not fond of the word 'break' but I'm scared I may pressure myself so much that my brain will decide to take a vacation.


Always, il

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