Can you say ‘bah humbug’ for New Year’s Day?

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Can you say ‘bah humbug’ for New Year’s Day?

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I knew the holidays would be tough. I knew 99% of the people I know would not get it. I did not anticipate being completely alone. A couple of texts but I had to start it. A phone call. Other than that silence.

No family here. No longer hear from my late husband’s family. Stopped hearing from them when Mom didn’t want to attend family gatherings with them, so they stopped asking. Now that she’s gone, they didn’t resume asking. No cards this year either. I had hoped for some support from them during all this... silence.

Sang at church with the choir on Christmas Eve but had nowhere to go for Christmas Day. I ended up volunteering at the VFW which was the only place holding a community dinner. It was a place to go. I did have a good time and will probably go back next year. It held things off for a while. But only for a while.

New Year’s Eve and Day haven’t been any better. Still feel like crying all day. Had to work on New Year’s Eve but off today. All I wanted to do was watch Netflix all day. If it hadn’t been for all the water in the basement that would have been all I did. No texts, a call I avoided because I haven’t the energy to be cheerful and I am expected by the folks calling to be cheerful. As noted earlier, they don’t get it. And those people are family. Go figure.

So it is a new year. It has to be better than this last one, than hopefully the last five. But right now I don’t see how. Sure, not seeing how it could be worse but honestly can’t see how it can be better. Not making any resolutions as those are best made from a position of strength. And I have none.

I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I feel hollow. I feel lost.

And my birthday is next week.

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jan

Thanks for continuing to share with us while you move ahead after losing your mom.\r\nI can understand why you would feel empty and lost after she filled your days so completely.\r\nHoping that this new year will be better for you in at least one respect: the uncertainty of her passing and how you would respond to it is no longer any issue. That is a huge burden to carry. You don't have to carry it any more, you honored her life.\r\nI hope each day gets just a little easier.