Caring, Coping and Hard Decisions

Sharon

Caring, Coping and Hard Decisions

Sharon
Well, it has been sort of an odd time lately. I have had some great moments these past months with advocacy and with finding a day center for Rod to enjoy a couple days a week. Sounds like that is really positive, right?

Well, I have to say I am positively sure this feels weird. I had to find a place Rod would enjoy, try to make it his decision, and be left with the strange feeling of finding "day care" for my big, strapping husband. It all seemed so normal to take him for a day with me there and then sort of trick him into going in to talk to them and sign some paperwork that they needed since I was leaving him there alone one day (which was really, when he says he will come, quickly sign the papers). He agreed to "try" try it for a couple days and then decide. Then it was let me try it a month. Well, now he is up and dressed before I am to go on Wed and Fri.

I am grateful for him enjoying it and liking the people and the things he gets to do there, but it feels so "off". Yesterday, my DIL was unexpectedly home (she travels for her job), so we went to surprise Rod at lunch. He was happy to see us and gave my DIL the grand tour of the facility, with much pride in describing the planting beds that he planned and planted. We had a terrfic lunch from their fabulous cook, and he got to come home "early" after lunch.

Earlier in the day he sent me a picture of him sitting on the swing outside with one of the workers. When we came in for lunch, the desk person said, he walked hand in hand with her to the swing and they sat out for quite some time. I was happy for the ease of his adjustment.

I came home and it hit me that Rod is truly not here anymore. I still see a glimpse now and then, but he is now more of a man child. I kiss him goodbye at the day center and he goes off to have fun, just like my son did at preschool. My heart sighs when I stop and actually think about where we are, but I try not to allow myself to stay there long. I will fight this disease called frontotemporal dementia for the rest of my days, so young families do not have to watch this happening to them.