Changes

bootsie

Changes

bootsie
book-92771_640Well, my mom went in a nursing home on Wednesday.

It all happened very quickly. I drove to visit one that had openings a couple of hours away. It is small, highly rated, near my husband's family and recommended by a friend who has her Mother there. I really loved it and I could have paid the difference for her to have a private room.

However my mom was not excited at all about being two hours away. She has children five minutes away that do not visit and she lived one hour away for 13 years and it did not stop me from visiting.

So the next day I get a call from a very large nursing home about three miles from my house. They had an opening. I went with the intention of moving her there but when I toured I really disliked it. The financial person was very rude and nonchalant about my mother's poor financial situation. I came home feeling very distressed.

The next day I was about to call the facility I loved to discuss the financial issues when I received an email from a facility I had toured two weeks ago. It is 30 minutes from me but much closer to some of her other family. She has a sister-in-law in a facility a half mile away that we had visited together. It is owned by the same company. This facility is average size having 88 beds. The one I loved had 44 and the one I hated had 176.

So you know what happened; she picked the 88 bed facility that was just right for her. She spent the two days before she moved calling friends and family to tell them. Shockingly her son and grandson came to visit the day before and my sister came and helped me move her in without my asking for help.

My husband and I cried (without her seeing) for the last couple of days. She told people on the phone "you can't wait until you really need to be in a home because they all have waiting lists", "my daughter needs a rest and a chance to live her life", "it is getting much harder to drag myself to the bathroom" and "I think I will be more comfortable in a bed".

The morning my husband told her goodbye before going to work she thanked him for everything he had done for her. When he thanked her as well for everything she had done for him she said, "The best thing she had ever done was have me". Needless to say lots of tears were flowing.

The day she moved in I was there about six hours handling paperwork and putting away her things. I have called the last two days and today I went to visit.

She seemed a little less like herself today. I talked to the nurse and told them some signs of a UTI she experiences mainly confusion and irritability. I sat with her while she ate lunch. We had an unusual cold snap and some rain so I could not take her out. We plan to go over to visit the sister-in-law at the other nursing home. I guess they can compare notes. She also found out that another sister-in-law has gone into a nursing home.

I still have many things to do. I have an appointment on Monday with our attorney to get some advice on some lingering financial issues and I still am trying to sell her house. I have applied for three jobs and let the temp agency know I am available again after almost two years. I came home today and went shopping with my husband and bought storage containers. I put all her photographs under my bed and the rest of the stuff she had here is packed to go in the attic.

I will end for today by just saying what my husband told her, "This is just another chapter in the book".

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EllysGdaughter

Bootsie, I love how you write! What a tough situation for you to deal with, but you are right, your caregiving is not over! What a blessing that Mom took ownership of the decision of which home to move into. I am sure her adjustment will take some time but your visits are certainly meaningful. My Grandma tells me that I have my own life to live also but she says it in a less than loving manner. She tells people that she is grateful that we live with her but I don't believe she will tell me the truth of what she really wants. You were able to make a smooth transition for her. What a wonderful situation!

LilMagill

It sounds like everything happening in the best possible way. How wonderful that she was able to make the decision herself and even feel good, I would imagine, about her reasons for doing soon.

bootsie

Jean thank you so much. I cried writing it! I know this first few weeks are going to be the hardest on both of us. My Mom was the caregiver to many siblings and friends in the past. I know that learning how to be a caregiver is truly a blessing.

bootsie

Cathy you are definitely right about it being hard. It seemed the closer we got to the day she moved the harder everything seemed. I talk to her every day. Today I had to tell her she needs to speak up and let someone know if she is not happy. She said her breakfast was cold. I told her to tell them to take it back and warm it up. Denise is definitely right about tge caregiving continuing no matter where they are. I meet with the social worker at the nursing home in the morning. They also have a family and resident council to air grievances. Wonder who that job is going to fall on? Ha!

bootsie

Pegi-\r\nThanks so much for your kind words. I had to visit my attorney this morning with some questions and I am still worrying about things I have to take care of for my Mom. I have struggled with anxiety at many times in my life but I remembered that you said I was brave and I walked into that office feeling confident. Thank you so much for that. \r\nBootsie

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