Community Journal: Resent, Impose, Needs

Community Journal: Resent, Impose, Needs

You would think the words resent, impose and needs would make me think of my caregiving role to my mother but all I can think of is my siblings.  I resent my sisters so much that I almost can't get the words out fast enough.  I resent that they carry on with their lives as if nothing has changed for them, and really they do and they can because their lives haven't changed at all.  I take care of my mother in my house, with my family.  The only difference for them is they have to come to my house to visit her instead of visiting her in own apartment.  They are married, their children are all grown, married and out of their houses.  Mine are still school aged.  My resentment grows every time I hear them talking about what they did yesterday, or the day before or what they have planned.

I resent the imposition they put on me when they enter my house and treat it like it is their own.  They go in my refrigerator and my cabinets, they help themselves to things that are on the counter.  They leave dishes in the sink and crumbs on the floor and never once offer to clean up.

My sister's needs are too many to count.  She needs me to prop her up, to make her feel better about our mother's decline.  She needs me to help her with her sadness, her fear, her feelings of helplessness.  She doesn't think about my feelings being our mother's primary, live in caregiver.  No, to her my feelings aren't as important as hers yet I do all the heavy lifting and I watch our mother slipping away everyday.  I don't have her luxury of leaving and coming back a week later or even a few days later.  She offers the help that fits in her schedule and her life, not the help that I need.

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Thank you Deborah Lyn I appreciate you saying so. It's so disappointing isn't it?