Comparing and Then Listing


Comparing and Then Listing

shopping-cart-53797_640I don't really compare my life to others.

But I find myself comparing my parents, and their abilities, with other older adults I see out and about. A trip to the grocery story includes assessing how others, who seem close in age to my parents, manage.

My dad still seems to be better shape than the other men I see pushing the grocery carts. Since December, my dad has done the grocery shopping, with me filling in here and there. The anxiousness of his first trip, when he asked question and question about the list my mom handed him, has subsided. He now brings home what's on the list and what he wants. "I walked through the aisles with sheer abandon," he said to me the other day. as I packed the goodies he collected.

My mom, though, seems so much worse than the other older woman. Because she seems worse, I wonder what we'll next add to her list of what she no longer does. She's back to doing laundry and she went back to mass last Sunday. She still writes out the list for the grocery store but she doesn't go the grocery store. And, when I think about her pushing that cart loaded with cans and jars and meat through those aisles that now seem endless, I freak out a bit.

It's so odd when what we could do now becomes what we can't.

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Thanks so much to all of you for your comments_mysql. I so appreciate all your thoughts.\r\n\r\nAnd, that's how my dad talks. :) After he retired, he would stand and the top of the driveway and watch me walk to the subway. He had a phrase he would say as I walked away. I can't remember all of it although I would repeat it at the time with hopes I would remember. (Why didn't I write it down?) Anyway, it was something about thanking me for keeping the wheels of commerce and industry turning so he could enjoy his retirement.


I think it's hard not to compare. You have such incredible insight, Denise. Mostly that's a blessing, but sometimes it steers into getting caught up in future worries. But I liked your precious post about worriers. If we put that worry into planning, it does serve a purpose. And sometimes it is about grieving, the lively, person that was... and knowing more changes are coming down the road.


What impressed me most was your dad's statement using the phrase \"sheer abandon\". The mental capacity to sense that feeling and then express it with such fluency is just amazing. How many people use the phrase, \"sheer abandon\"? Go, Dad!

Lillie Fuller

When I take my mom out to the doctor or to the lab I always find myself comparing her to other elderly women. My mom doesn't have any dementia or alzheimers, UNLESS SHE WANTS TO, and I think she looks very good for her age, 88. My mom is not loud or never embarasses me, and I see that happening a lot.

Chris MacLellan

Denise, \r\n\r\nAs we chatted today on our video chat about caregiving and stress, your comment in your blog post, \"It’s so odd when what we could do now becomes what we can’t\" has so much meaning for both the Caregiver and the caree. As a Caregiver, it is hard for us to see first hand what our Caree use to be able to do, now can't do. Equally as stressful, if not more so, for the caree to grasp and accept what they once could do, but now can't. We want them to be able to do everything that they want to do because it brings a sense of accomplishment to them. Stress comes in so many forms, and sometimes it is right before our eyes. Your comment is quite enlightening.

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