Crown Of Thorns (Running for Cover)

Il
Crown of thorns from Koovery Crown of thorns from Koovery (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


"May the 'God' of your understanding richly bless you and stay well" @rainbow.

As it's Sunday while I type this post after last night's chat and my post about losing my temper with my father, I found that I got devoured by the Tiger of Dementia. That Beast of Depression took over last night and it's not quite gone yet.  I haven't slept well for days.  There is only so much yelling I can take and I don't know if I'm at burnout right now.

I don't remember if I mentioned I landed in a safe house last year, but here I am with more trust in this community with a Crown of Thorns saying the Tiger's caught me and I'm running for cover.

It is so hard to say (or not to say): "Hey!  I'm so angry despite the dementia, that my work in caring for you is not acknowledged, so I'm angry."  Somewhere in the midst of thorns is a wish that all are well, but I've lost sight of that beauty at the moment in response to, "Nope," when it comes to signing papers so I can bring in money through the government as a caregiver and further help.

How do I see that Dad's pride is in the way of that help, or his fear or whatever emotion is saying that his daughter is not working?  How can I keep breathing my way through the arguments? How can I self-protect in the midst of hiding and unlock the Key-of-Rest Lockout and "beige" validation of self?

May "God" bless you with our insights and may the spirits move us as the community that we are.  I’m so glad we have each other! @rainbow, @ildestino1, @chris, @denise, @worriedwife, @kreisler, @ejourneys, et. al.

Always, il

Retro payment from Social Security and other funding. (sigh)...

Yes, a safehouse but I don’t ever want to land there again. Father is abusive and it’s hard not to say...

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