Decisions. Love. Respect.

EllysGdaughter

Decisions. Love. Respect.

EllysGdaughter
cementerio-948048_640I am having a hard time with the decision to have no memorial service for Elly. I am tired, I can't begin to think of planning a service BUT!!! my heart aches for those who knew her and would love to have the opportunity to express their remembrances. Her hairdresser for 30 some years will get a personal lunch date with me next week. I have told one of her church pastors that I would gladly show up for a memorial if someone wanted to put together a little gathering. My own church has asked about a memorial, but I am thinking that maybe a little gathering during Sunday School for folks to come and talk about her. I am the oldest grandchild and remember the dear folks Elly visited -- her co-workers and church friends. We both went to Mennonite churches but different conferences. Elly made an impact in both congregations at different stages of her life. She came to my church when she could no longer be driven to her church. She adapted well.

Sometimes I feel grateful for the excuse that "she didn't want a service" but remember thinking that "of course we would, because she won't be there to tell us to stop!" It's what we always have done -- for Grandpa, for Elly's parents. I was always a part of the service as well as my children when they were old enough. So, breaking the tradition feels more like not respecting the love of the people with whom she poured so much time and love. People understand but there is still a sense of something "just not right."

Today, Friday was the graveside service which was very simple with family, about 20 of us -- children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, nieces, nephews with spouses. I read the October 7th (the day she passed) reading from the book, Jesus Calling. This is what NurseySis suggested and I thought was brilliant. We sang "Blest Be the Tie that Binds." Jesus has been the one to hold our family together in love. Not all are followers of Jesus but those of us who are have helped be the glue to stay together. There are still hurts from the broken-ness of the past which have not been mended and now can't be in Elly's lifetime. We checked out the graves of Elly's parents and brother -- we had a hard time finding them -- but did! We went out for dinner, Elly's son treated us all to a nice dinner out. We had a great relaxing time together.

Time to rest up but not for very long. Dad has fallen again today at home. Hospice brought in a hospital bed so I took over some sheets in the little bit of time I had left this morning. It is looking like he has maybe weeks rather than months. My goal is to talk to him about what arrangements and service he wants. His wife isn't going to be in any shape to deal with any of that when it comes time. I've got the price sheet from the funeral home handy and so we will need to get to talking about it!!!