Depression Almost Won Today

ketzela

Depression Almost Won Today

ketzela
farm-fresh-signI woke up this morning and knew it was going to be a bad day. I didn't want to move out of bed.  I am not sure why I felt that way but I did. I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to go food shopping or figure out what to eat for the next few days. I wasn't due to see Dad until after 3 p.m. and take him to rehab. Pulling the covers over my head was better.

At 11 a.m., my husband told me the time and asked what was the matter, was it something specific or just the depression. I said it was the depression and he told me it was a pretty day out and the dog needed to be walked. Then he left

I reluctantly got up showered and walked the dog.

Ate and decided to lift my spirits by going to the farmer's market. I haven't been there yet this season and maybe it would get  me through the day.

I drove off crying.

When I got there I pulled myself  together and cruised the market. The berries did not look so great but the summer squash and potatoes looked good.

Often at the market  a vintage booth is there with a wide variety of  apparel. I decided to give  a look  and found a great denim skirt which is embroidered in lots of  bright colors with all kinds of designs. It was my size in perfect  condition and only $20. I actually debated about getting it but I decided that maybe God was sending me a reward for  getting out of bed.

The day  continued to  get better, did the food shopping, even unpacked it all. I went to visit Dad and took him to rehab. He  was in good spirits and we had a good visit.

So it was good that I got out of bed.

In terms of visiting Dad my therapist and I discussed that I am probably not ready to go every other day. But we did discuss different ways of visiting him without making it so draining on me. Hopefully this will help.

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Bob

Thanks Ketzela. I ask my wife to identify just one positive thing too. I know my wife is afraid. I know life in a LTC facility can be hell. We have no more home. I'm living on social security disability--right now staying with family. Every day I wish some miracle would happen and we could be together again under our own roof taking care of one another. In the mean time she is doing her best--even if it gets her in trouble sometimes and I'm trying to do the same.

Bob

Dear Ketzela: As Denise said I know depression very well and the feeling of not wanting to get out of bed. Every morning when I wake up when depression is at its worst, I would rather just stay there in the comfort of my bed. But I swing my legs over the side , feet hitting the floor gently and I thank my Higher Power for making that possible as well as my efforts to move my muscles. As you saw, as the day goes on, we often feel like we have more energy and are reinforced by our experiences that we can get through the day. With the help of therapy, I'm dealing with my care-giving role with my wife, who unfortunately is in a nursing home. The past three years have been very challenging and I have had my days of taking a day off with the covers over my head on occasion, just so that everything would go away for a while. Right now I am dealing with the fact that my wife was advised she has to transfer to another nursing facility as the one she is in has advised her that they can't seem to meet her needs. This issue has been an on-going one. My wife created her part of this scenario as she repeatedly challenged her attending physician and direct care staff in ways that frustrated them immensely. She had other legitimate issues which we addressed with the facility. My wife has tried to be her own doctor, has wanted only certain staff to attend to her needs, did not cooperate often with the plan of care; etc. The facility felt they could not meet her needs. As much as I tried to let her know that many of her responses were alienating her doctor and the staff, she would defend herself and feel I was not being empathic with her. She liked the facility and wanted to stay there but she wound up playing a part in causing that not to happen.\r\n\r\nWith regard to frequency of visits, I use to see my wife almost 5-6 days per week at one time until I burned out from compassion fatigue. Now I go about 3 times per week. And I let her know when I'm not feeling well or have things that have to get done for the sake of both of us. She doesn't like it most times, but I am not going to destroy my own health because of her anxiety and depression and feelings of misery for being in long term care. I said to her that I believed at the core of her experience is extreme anger that I had to wind up having to place her in long term care. I have said to her we have been dealt a horrible hand of cards but it is up to us how we want to play the hand. I've talked about how we can curse the darkness or light a candle. I told her that it was very hard to be with her sometimes when the whole time we spent together was a list of complaints a mile long. I used to get pulled in and very depressed over her comments_mysql and constant requests to advocate for her. I intervene when I feel its called for. Otherwise, It is often another way to engage me and attempt to enmesh me. Well, I know I went far afield here. I guess I needed to vent. I wish the best for you. Stay well. Don't get down on yourself if you take a longer snooze than usual. You are not alone and it isn't necessarily going to become a pattern. When all else fails, just day, \"I need to move my muscles\". A body in motion tends to stay in motion. Best, Bob

Denise

Hi--One of our members, <a href='http://www.m40.siteground.biz/~caregiv6/members/rainbow/' rel=\"nofollow\">@rainbow</a>, often talks about how hard his depression makes it to get out of bed. It must feel like your body is just too heavy to make it out.\r\n\r\nI'm so glad you went and bought the skirt. One day at a time. When that's too much, one minute at a time.\r\n\r\n:)

Sue

Glad you found a skirt and had a good day to follow. Sometimes, just getting out makes all the difference in the world.

ketzela

Thanks Richard. It was a tough mornin