It Doesn't Matter, But I Wanted To Know

TiredButDetermined

It Doesn't Matter, But I Wanted To Know

TiredButDetermined
mobile-phone-949088_640I just got the phone call I feared I was going to get. The call from the funeral home letting me know that Dad's cremation was completed Monday--two days ago. They called me two days AFTER it was done. To let me know they had all the paperwork and ashes and stuff ready so I could come and pick everything up.

The problem is, they were supposed to call me BEFORE it was done. A week ago, they asked me if I wanted to be called "just before" and I said yes. I watched them write it on the paperwork. I talked to them again on Friday afternoon as a reminder. At that time they still weren't sure when it would be, maybe Monday, they would let me know. And yet somehow they forgot to call.

I wanted to know when it was going to happen. I wanted my thoughts to be on him at that moment. I wanted to pray for him during that time. I wanted to somehow continue to be right by his side, during this passage. Just as I was by his side during his last breath.

In my mind, I know that it doesn't matter. I truly believe that his soul left his body the night he passed, and that all that was left behind here on earth was a shell. So it doesn't matter. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust...

But in my heart, I hurt.

I wanted to know when it was going to happen, so I could be there in mind and heart, one more time.

I just wanted one more time to be with him.