Downsizing: Against Her Will

miaausten

Downsizing: Against Her Will

miaausten
(Editor's Note: We welcome a new blogger today: MiaAusten, who cares for her parents. Be sure to connect with her on her profile page: @miaausten.)

I have never written on the "blog" section of this website, but it has helped me reading others' stories. I am a 40ish mother of 6-year-old twins and stay at home mom now. My father had a stroke three years ago. His left hand and leg are paralyzed and he is now incontinent. We (my sister and I) tried everything we can to keep him in his home -- that lasted about a year and a half. Then we moved him to a private care home and now he's officially in a nursing home (as of March). Actually, it's the best situation for everyone.

However, my mother has remained in our five-bedroom, two-story childhood home this whole time (to my father's bitter anger and resentment). Long story, short: They are out of money and she HAS to sell the home to keep him in the nursing home and her afloat. Shortly, after the stroke, I tried to get them to downside to a condo or cottage sized home. Nope! Not happening. It took two years for us to get her to sell his car!!! He does have delusions that he'll one day drive again. But she has not moved ANY of his stuff-the home is like a museum. When our financial advisor told her to sell, it was like she was hearing it for the first time! (DENIAL) After a week of tears from her, I found her an apartment and am now in the midst of moving out 30 years of STUFF! I am very frustrated, tired and angry (but can't show that because then she just cries and apologizes).

I have started reading "Adult Children of Alcoholics" which is an AMAZING book, to try to understand both their personalities. They both came from alcoholic homes and did not abuse alcohol (thankfully) when we grew up, but I am starting to understand why change is so difficult for both of them. I still am mad that my mother let my father make stupid financial situations when she knew better. Unfortunately we're all paying the price now. Thanks for the opportunity to rant.

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Denise

I am so glad you are blogging!! Please kn ow you can vent as much as you need. We understand and we know how awful it is to keep it in. Let it out with us. \r\n\r\nWe just went through the downsizing with my parents' home. ARGH! It is a frustrating, exhausting process. \r\n\r\nI so hope that once your mom is settled in the apartment she will see the value in an easier life the apartment gives her.

frogger16

No apologies needed for venting! I relate to your frustrations over downscaling. We went through it with my in-laws and swore we wouldn't put our adult kids through that. It was a challenging time to say the least and emotions ran high & wild among family members. Glad you are here and blogging. (PS: “Adult Children of Alcoholics” IS an amazing source!)

Goldie

This sounds very familiar. Don't worry about ranting! I know I've ranted a lot here. It helps a lot. Both my parents are in assisted living and we're still trying to help them downsize.