Email and Bills

LilMagill

Email and Bills

LilMagill
international-debit-card-388996_640I was reading an article that contained the familiar advice: "Don't try to convince a dementia patient that you're right and they're wrong." But the author talked about the special heartbreak of dementia when a loved one begins to change into someone very different from the person we love, and that the arguing and convincing is an understandable attempt to bring the person back into the reality we share. I appreciated that compassionate view. It made me feel a little less guilty for the arguing and persuading I find myself doing way more often than I mean to. It's like I'm trying to hang on to her and pull her back.

Today's issue was an email notification about a credit card bill. She always pays the bill (through online banking) when it comes in the mail, but she tried to respond to the notification and then couldn't figure out how to get to the bill pay section of her online bank account. I filter her snail mail now so that she no longer sees the junk, but I don't filter her email. She worried that she was overdue to pay the bill, but also felt pretty sure that her bank was paying her credit card bill automatically. Neither of those things was true.

I check on her bill paying each month--sometimes I do it for her or sometimes I just check to see that it was done correctly. She was so sure about the automatic payment, though, and a bit angry or frustrated with me for opposing her. We left it that when her two bills (credit card and a landline) come in the mail, we'll pay them together. The new interface gives me a reason for asking that we do it together next time.

She doesn't want to give up control of her finances, though I've offered and offered. Her bill this month was twice what it was last month (according to the email notification), so I'm a little worried about what's on it. I do most of her shopping and occasionally get cash from her checking account from the ATM to reimburse myself. So her credit card should not be getting a lot of use these days.